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  1. #1
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    Aug 2006
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    Deceit of The Town

    Today is here and it seems as though the days that follow will be somewhat identical to one another. But it isn't until one day you find yourself within the days so far away from yesterday that you realize things are constantly changing. As the towns first settlers came they started out with nothing but worked their way up into making a pretty good life. The population of the town began to expand, reaching about 200 people. Mr. Hutchel made a small worn down building into a store. The store included most of the basic needs of the towns people. Mr. Hutchel was a single man in his earlier forties. Across the road and down a little ways was a post office. The post office was run by Mr. and Mrs. Mills. They were an older couple in their late sixties who had never had children. There was other various small things the town included of, such as a little restaurant, a few farms, and a barber shop.

    This is only the first paragraph of a story I wrote but I want to know if the first couple of sentences make sense. They don't seem to flow with the rest of the paragraph.

  2. #2
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    May 2006
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    Re: Deceit of The Town

    Quote Originally Posted by Englishlover26 View Post
    Today is here and it seems as though the days that follow will be somewhat identical to one another. (Today is here and it's as though each day that follows is identical to the next.) But it isn't until one day you find yourself within the days so far away from yesterday that you realize things are constantly changing. (But it isn't until one day that you look back to see that things are constantly changing.)As the towns first settlers came they started out with nothing but worked their way up into making a pretty good life. (Consider the town of ____. Its first settlers arrived around _____ with little more than the shirt on thier back.)The population of the town began to expand, reaching about 200 people.(Within a few years, the population grew to about 200 people.) Mr. Hutchel made a small worn down building into a store. The store included most of the basic needs of the towns people. Mr. Hutchel was a single man in his earlier forties. (Mr. Hutchel, a hard-working bachelor of 40-some years, turned a dilapidated building into a general store. The store sold most of the basic needs of the townspeople.) Across the road and down a little ways was a post office. The post office was run by Mr. and Mrs. Mills. They were an older couple in their late sixties who had never had children. ( Across the road and down a little ways was the post office. It was run by Mr. and Mrs. Mills, an elderly, childless couple.) There was other various small things the town included of, such as a little restaurant, a few farms, and a barber shop. (A simple restaurant and barber shop completed the town, which was bordered by fertile farmland.)
    This is only the first paragraph of a story I wrote but I want to know if the first couple of sentences make sense. They don't seem to flow with the rest of the paragraph.
    You did a fine job. Don't copy my words. Just consider them.

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