My feedback is: It seems that much more than what's in between the brackets comes directly from the internet.
I'd suggest starting over. Simply write down what you know and think about the show without looking at what other people have written about it. You've already done more than enough of that. And don't look at what you posted here, either. Much too much of it is only "cut and paste".
After you've written something that is really your own work, post that for feedback and correction.
- For Teachers