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  1. #1
    nur is offline Junior Member
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    Please proof read this...

    Hi everyone! Could anyone please kindly check for any grammatical errors in the journal entry below?
    Sandy Strides
    As always, before every trek, I would feel excited, because we would go to a different place each week and therefore, enriching our knowledge of the environment. This time around, we went to the beach (Pantai Tungku), unlike the last two treks which were in the forest.
    One of the main purposes of the trek this week was maintaining a cleaner and greener environment. Sad to say, but it is a fact that litter-strewn beaches are a common sight in Brunei. Rubbish such as plastic bottles, Styrofoam containers, and plastic bags make up a large percentage of the rubbish seen at beaches. I find it quite ironic that people go to the beach to relax, find peace in the calmness of the ocean, have a good time with family members or friends, and yet, they are the ones who “help” to pollute the seashore! Rubbish bins ought to be made available, and the citizens of Brunei should be more aware and responsible of the cleanliness of their surroundings. If they don’t care, who will? They should not simply wait for others. Brunei is our home, and we are the ones who should see that it is well taken care of.
    The challenge that I encountered this week involved large stacks of rocks. On one occasion, we had to climb down a steep pile of rocks, and the other, walk on them. Mind you, those boulders had large gaps between them, and some weren’t really stable. I found the experience adventurous, nevertheless.
    Again this time: minimal animal encounter. The only animal that I remember seeing was a bee. Oh yea, and lots of cocoons suspended on coniferous trees!
    Thanks, in advance!

  2. #2
    Tdol is online now Editor, UsingEnglish.com
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    Re: Please proof read this...

    two treks which were in the forest- comma

  3. #3
    nur is offline Junior Member
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    Re: Please proof read this...

    You mean to say that the comma is to be inserted between 'treks' and 'which'?

    Ok, thanks for the help!

  4. #4
    Tdol is online now Editor, UsingEnglish.com
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    Re: Please proof read this...

    Yes.

  5. #5
    RonBee's Avatar
    RonBee is offline Moderator
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    Lightbulb Re: Please proof read this...

    Comments and suggestions.

    Quote Originally Posted by nur View Post
    As always, before every trek, I would feel excited, because we would go to a different place each week and therefore, enriching our knowledge of the environment.
    Say enrich instead of enriching.


    Quote Originally Posted by nur View Post
    One of the main purposes of the trek this week was maintaining a cleaner and greener environment.
    So you were picking up trash? (Say: "One of the main purposes...was to....")

    Quote Originally Posted by nur View Post
    Sad to say, but it is a fact that litter-strewn beaches are a common sight in Brunei. Rubbish such as plastic bottles, Styrofoam containers, and plastic bags make up a large percentage of the rubbish seen at beaches. I find it quite ironic that people go to the beach to relax, find peace in the calmness of the ocean, have a good time with family members or friends, and yet, they are the ones who “help” to pollute the seashore! Rubbish bins ought to be made available, and the citizens of Brunei should be more aware and responsible of the cleanliness of their surroundings.
    Say: "and the citizens of Brunei should be more aware of and responsible for the cleanliness of their surroundings."


    The challenge that I encountered this week involved large stacks of rocks.[/quote]

    Say "piles" instead of "stacks"; the word "stacks" implies someone put the rocks there.

    Space between paragraphs.

    (BTW, proofread is one word.)

    ~R

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