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  1. #1
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    Default Could you please check this for grammatical errors?

    Could someone please check my narrative essay for grammatical errors?

    Epiphany in Line
    While my family and I were driving to our new home in Tennessee, something happened to me that changed the way I looked at my life. The U-haul we were driving was really small. There were not enough seats for all of us, so I had to curl up in a small space under the dashboard. There was not very much room to move, and all I could see were legs. I was really nervous because I did not know anyone there and I didn’t know if I would make new friends or I would spend the rest of my life crying in the fetal position waiting for my long anticipated death. Another reason I was also afraid to go to Tennessee was because I had seen the movie, Deliverance, a week before. All I could hear were the cars speeding past us and the faint sound of a radio. At one point a Brittney Spears song came on and I contemplated jabbing out my eardrums so I would not have to listen to one more note of it. My family really started to annoy me too. I love them, but being with them for that long made me realize why there is a waiting period to buy a gun. It is the only reason I am not in jail right now.

    Luckily, we stopped off at a Little Debbie’s Outlet to stretch out our legs. When I came out of the U-haul, I must have looked like a newly born deer learning to walk. One of the first things I noticed when I went into the outlet was a Little Debbie’s Monopoly game. I laughed to myself because it was the most American game I had ever seen in my life. I was happy somebody finally found a way to combine capitalism and morbid obesity. I thought the tagline to the game should have been “roll yourself into a diabetic coma”. I continued shopping and found a snack I wanted. While I was in the line paying for it, I heard a woman giving weight loss advice. I thought this was really ironic because she had to weigh at least four hundred pounds, and she had a basket overflowing with nutty bars, fudge brownies, and iced honey buns. She was wearing a dress with thick, black and white, vertical stripes to make herself look skinny, but it was like a whale wearing a corset. I looked at the people around me, but nobody seemed to notice. It was like there was an elephant in the room, but I was the only one who could see it.

    Even though I had been having a bad day, when I walked out of the outlet I was in a really good mood. All the things I had been worrying about seemed to disappear. This experience taught me to notice the small things in life that made me laugh. It gave me a more positive attitude and made me not take things as seriously. I think everyone has learned to do this in one way or another. When you focus on the good things, the bad things do not seem to hurt as bad. Once you have found those things that makes you happy, nothing can happen to you that you can not deal with. One day, I hope everyone finds their own fat lady in a dress.

    Thank You!!!

  2. #2
    RonBee's Avatar
    RonBee is offline Moderator
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    Default Re: Could you please check this for grammatical errors?

    Say:
    "changed the way I look at life."
    You display a wonderful sense of humor there.


  3. #3
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    Default Re: Could you please check this for grammatical errors?

    Thanks for your help RonBee.

  4. #4
    RonBee's Avatar
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    Default Re: Could you please check this for grammatical errors?

    Quote Originally Posted by Dustinf;115366[SIZE=2
    Even though I had been having a bad day, when I walked out of the outlet I was in a really good mood. All the things I had been worrying about seemed to disappear. This experience taught me to notice the small things in life that made me laugh. It gave me a more positive attitude and made me not take things as seriously. I think everyone has learned to do this in one way or another. When you focus on the good things, the bad things do not seem to hurt as bad. Once you have found those things that makes you happy, nothing can happen to you that you can not deal with. One day, I hope everyone finds their own fat lady in a dress.[/SIZE]
    Try:
    The experience taught me to notice the small things in life that make me laugh.
    Try:
    It gave me a more positive attitude and taught me not take things too seriously.
    Try:
    Once you have found those things that make you happy, nothing can happen to you that you cannot deal with.

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