Results 1 to 4 of 4
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Posts
    212
    Post Thanks / Like

    The second story, Pls help to check both grammar and words

    A young boy, bageda, lived on a grassland with his father.
    One day, they lost their way, the boy felt so tired and terrified, at last he could move any more with his weak legs. His father took out five coins and buried one under the ground, the father gave the boy the other four and said, "Son, you must realize that we all five coins just like childhood, teenage, young, middle age and agedness, now you have spent one under the ground and you can not spend all on the grassland without any more significance, you should leave here and take more sight over the world."
    Encouraged by his father, bageda left his home and be a great captain

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Posts
    438
    Post Thanks / Like

    Re: The second story, Pls help to check both grammar and words

    Quote Originally Posted by wuwei View Post
    A young boy, bageda, lived on a grassland with his father.
    One day, they lost their way, the boy felt so tired and terrified, at last he could move any more with his weak legs.
    One day, when they lost their way, the boy felt so tired
    and terrified that he could not move anymore with his weak legs.

    Quote Originally Posted by wuwei View Post
    His father took out five coins and buried one under the ground, the father gave the boy the other four and said, "Son, you must realize that we all five coins just like childhood, teenage, young, middle age and agedness, now you have spent one under the ground and you can not spend all on the grassland without any more significance, you should leave here and take more sight over the world."
    ...and buried one under the ground, and gave the boy
    the other four and said, "Son, you must realize that we
    all have five coins - childhood, teenage, youth, middle age,
    and old age. You have now spent one (that is) under
    the ground. You cannot spend them all on the grassland
    without any (more) significance. You should leave here and
    see more of the world."

    Quote Originally Posted by wuwei View Post
    Encouraged by his father, bageda left his home and be a great captain
    ... and became a great captain.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Posts
    212
    Post Thanks / Like

    Re: The second story, Pls help to check both grammar and words

    Quote Originally Posted by englishstudent View Post
    One day, when they lost their way, the boy felt so tired
    and terrified that he could not move anymore with his weak legs.



    ...and buried one under the ground, and gave the boy
    the other four and said, "Son, you must realize that we
    all have five coins - childhood, teenage, youth, middle age,
    and old age. You have now spent one (that is) under
    the ground. You cannot spend them all on the grassland
    without any (more) significance. You should leave here and
    see more of the world."



    ... and became a great captain.
    Hi,englishstudent, thanks for your help both in this essay and in the previous one.
    after your modification, the essay become more vivid and flowing.
    Thanks

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Posts
    438
    Post Thanks / Like

    Re: The second story, Pls help to check both grammar and words

    Wuwei, you are welcome. Upon re-reading my suggestion,
    I realized that I don't need the "and" before "buried one
    under the ground". So the suggested sentence is -
    " His father took out five coins, buried one under the ground, and gave the boy the other four and said,...."

Similar Threads

  1. Is there a grammar of spoken English?
    By M56 in forum General Language Discussions
    Replies: 25
    Last Post: 09-Feb-2009, 01:58
  2. Pls. check my grammar & statement.
    By anasiants in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 28-Aug-2006, 05:04
  3. Please check for grammar mistakes, thanks.
    By M.Ali in forum Editing & Writing Topics
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 13-Feb-2005, 06:44
  4. Replies: 2
    Last Post: 31-Oct-2004, 08:28

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •