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  1. #1
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    Oct 2005
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    Default hello everyone, please check post

    Can someone give me his or her opinion of the following> its a translation for a web page


    With the present, I am pleased to formally present our company

    It is our intention, that starting from the readings of this work you will be able to observe the varied services that our company offers concerning private security, from physical security, up to the use of the most modern electronic technology that situates us within the market as one of the companies with the greatest future projections.

    --------., has as a slogan the meticulous election of our Human Resources, understanding the quality within our people, and at the same time reciprocating in quality of services.

    Our personnel, after a rigorous selection and background verification, are trained in general duties to fulfil their mission as a security guard and in private functions of the objective to develop their work.

    The follow-up and control of the good performance of these works is the incessant activity of our supervisors and operations managers, just like the constant visits carried out to our clients, to define new proposals or confirm compliancy of our services.

    That is why we invite you to share our work convinced that the election of technological or physical Security Service of ------------ will be synonym of choosing responsibility, quality and for your company, tranquility.

    We will help you to develop an effective security policy

    -----------. Will collaborate with you, not only in the election of the most convenient service type for your company, but also that together we will study future growth projections, in such a way that the service will perfectly adopt to them, without modifications, with additions.

    What does this mean..?

    The security systems of -------- possesses the necessary flexibility to be updated in accordance to the moment that the demands are produced.

    Initially establishing a security policy, the costs of the systems are notably reduced and there are no risks of modifications that could harm the provision and quality of said service.

    The development of a security policy is similar to creating an informatics program, where the creator has to take into account all the parameters that the same has to cover.

    A good planning in security policy will conclude with an excellent administration of service.


    thanks

  2. #2
    RonBee's Avatar
    RonBee is offline Moderator
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Other
      • Native Language:
      • American English
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    Default Re: hello everyone, please check post

    You need to work on your choice of words. What you have so far is rather confusing.

    Quote Originally Posted by danielkramer View Post
    With the present, I am pleased to formally present our company
    I don't understand "with the present" there.

    Quote Originally Posted by danielkramer View Post
    It is our intention, that starting from the readings of this work you will be able to observe the varied services that our company offers concerning private security, from physical security, up to the use of the most modern electronic technology that situates us within the market as one of the companies with the greatest future projections.
    I suggest replacing varied services with various services.

    You need to simplify that and make it more understandable.

    Quote Originally Posted by danielkramer View Post
    We will help you to develop an effective security policy
    That is fairly clear. That is the kind of English you want to use throughout. (Better: "We will help you develop an effective security policy.)

    Simplify!

    ~R

  3. #3
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    Sep 2006
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    Default Re: hello everyone, please check post

    How about starting without "with the present" That's a typical spanish openning "con el presente".
    I would elminate that and start directly with
    I am pleased to present our company
    If its a company it's understood that it is formal,
    you have translated it directly from spanish so you should consider taking out all those adjectives, and nouns that in English business letters just drop out

  4. #4
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    Oct 2005
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    Default Re: hello everyone, please check post

    thanks, we`ll do.

    Daniel

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