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    • Join Date: Oct 2006
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    #1

    Unhappy can someone read and give feedback please!

    ok so this is my very first essay for university and im not sure how im doing..im suppose to be critiking andanalyzing an article i read..i still ned to fix my intro and write a conlcusion..any suggestions?...

    Elizabeth Payne has made some serious accusations about parents. She claims that childhood is toxic, and parents are the ones who've written the deadly recipe. The author does a good job in presenting the arguments and backing them up with strong evidence. The only thing that seems inaccurate is that she does not look at the flip side. By reading this article and not considering other facts, the reader will conclude that all parents are ruining their kid's childhood. The author manipulates the reader into forgetting that it is not all parents, but only some that are making their children grow up too fast.
    In this article, the author is generalizing that all parents are letting their kidís childhood go down the drain. We can see this is very biased and one sided. The problem with this is that it is not all parents that are causing their kidís childhood to fade away; there are some parents, who decide to stay at home, spend more time with them and let their kids enjoy their childhood. At one point in the article Payne says, ďWe are the ones who are buying out kids TVs and videos and computer games and then watching the results in horror.Ē In this way the author is manipulating the reader because the article is very convincing that this is a major issue in our society. But we are not looking at the flip side; its not all parents who go out and buy their kids all the newest technology, there are some who donít.
    The article is trying to convince the reader that just like how the children in Africa, the children in the west are loosing their childhood because of their parents. It does this by first giving an example of three orphan children who are raising themselves in Africa. These children have no parents, no caretakers and they must find food, entertain themselves, and look after their siblings. The author explains how they live by giving an example of a typical day in their life that was quoted from the UNICEF website. Then it goes on saying that now a days both parents are usually working, leaving their kids at home to feed themselves when they get back from school, entertain themselves and let the TV, computer and school educate them. In some ways I agree that parents are the cause for the decline of childhood because they get caught up in their own habits, addictions and personal life. But I also have to disagree because yet again this is generalizing that all parents are the root problem, when itís not always the case.
    The author does a good job of supporting her view that childhood is facing extinction by having quotes from schoolteachers, authors and experts. The quotes from experts make this article more credible. The authorís way of persuading people to see her side of things is very effective. She influences the reader by first using examples of the gravity of the situation, (i.e. children in Africa) then by having the experts opinion and then giving suggestions as to how parents can help prevent the situation. While reading the article I was very convinced that this situation is out of hand, that all children are loosing their childhood and that parents are not doing their job. But after reading the article and analyzing it you see that this is only one side of her argument and there is more to it then the author says. I found that the author over exaggerates a little. She makes the situation seem more severe than it really is.

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    #2

    Re: can someone read and give feedback please!

    I think your counterarguments are inadequate- it is not enough to say that something is an exaggeration or that it is not the case for all parents. Where do you get your information from? We know she has used the UNICEF website as a source, but I think you should source your counterarguments too.

    Also, the language needs tightening up as there are some errors, like 'loosing'.

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