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  1. #1
    Sweden Guest

    Default Please, please help me correct my Language Arts Essay (short)

    Hi all nice Teachers.
    I realized just for a few hours ago that I have one essay that is due for tomorrow. So I have now tried to finished it a few hours and I am finally finished. Since it's over midnight, i guess I have a pretty much spelling and grammar mistakes. So I really hope some nice Teacher her can help me with correcting it, I'm almost in panic. It doesn’t matter if you think it's to late, maybe I can get an extension. Thanks. /Jonathan from Sweden
    __________________________________________________ __________
    The courteous man’s whipped Cream (Confession Essay)
    I woke up before the alarm clock this morning. It delighted me to wake up by myself, feeling spirited and joie de vivre. It felt like this was the very first day of summer, since the early summer mostly was dominated of rain and cloudy days. The sun was shining trough the light yellow curtains and the sunbeam was shining between the light brown Venetian blinds. Not a single cloud disturbed the beautiful blue sky this morning.
    I sat on my bed and philosophized, looked up on the clouds, imagine myself sitting on one of them, and looking down on the beautiful landscape below. It was so beautiful to see the province from above. The leaks winding through the green summer meadow and the big yellow fields.
    My mind slowly returned to the bed I was sitting in, raised my gentle body from the soft bed mattress and entered the shower. The soft jet of water was massaging my supple body, it was wonderful. This place has always been my place for thinking, my place for releasing my mind, my place to solving problems that has been standing in my way, through life.
    When finished showering, eating breakfast, and got dressed, I entered the car and watched my mum driving on the hot, black asphalt to the airport, where we were going to pick up my mum's cousin from the states, more exactly Texas. She was here to visit us during summer break, I was so excited. She was going to spend the Midsummer Day together with me and my family. It was her very first time visit Sweden, and we were going to show her how to celebrate a traditional Swedish Midsummer with our traditional habits and our special food. The very most famous thing with the Swedish Midsummer food was the desert, ice cream, strawberry and whipped cream, yummy!
    This was actually the first time a meet her, and since she has American parents and never been to Sweden before, she couldn’t speak a word Swedish, which meant that we had to take every conversation in English, which I found very excited. I was only 13 at that point which meant that my English wasn’t the best, but I still mange to conduct a conversation pretty well.
    After about 20 minutes driving, we reached the supermarket where I was going to buy the only one missing thing for the Midsummer Evening – the whipped cream. The Store was almost death still and I couldn’t discern more than four people at the big supermarket. It felt kind of strange to walk around in total silence but I found in pleasant in a way. It took me a while to find the shelf with whipped cream but after about five minutes looking for it, I finally found it. There was only one single lumpy box of whipped cream left, but I really didn’t care since I was just happy to find it. Suddenly a man turn in front of me and walked towards the box I was heading against. I think he didn’t really understand that I also was on my way to take the last box of cream, since he smiled and nodded at me while he turned in, in front of me. When he reached the whipped cream shelf he took the box up in his hand and started to study the lumpy box. It felt so embarrassing in a way, that we both was heading against the same shelf so I immediately turned around and pretended looking for something ells, beside the cream. Suddenly, he placed down the box, turned around and went in behind the counter about eight meters from the cream shelf. I heard him ask the store stuff if there were any more boxes of cream left, except the lumpy one. I immediately saw my chance, without thinking I took a single step against the shelf and took the very last box of whipped cream and started to walk fast against pay office. After a few steps I started to run, I didn’t look back, just run against my target, gave the pay office stuff a 20 Kr note and run against the car, jumped in without a single hint of turning back, and told my mum to start the car. She did, and we drove away. Then the incredible sense of guilt hit me like a stroke, I had so bad guilty conscience…
    Afterward, when looking back, I’m actually surprised over my very strong feelings, my feelings of quilt. I didn’t though I would have this much “sense of guilt” that I actually had, even weeks after the deed.
    My bad conscience was almost killing me and I really wished the thing undone, but since it wasn’t I had no other choices then to face it. The best thing I can do is to take learning of this, to provide those things so it never happens again.
    When I was sitting in the car on my why back home, that Midsummer Day, the sense of quilt was so intensive that I was ready to tell my mum to stop the car, turn around and drive back to the supermarket, so I could give the cream back, to where it belongs, to the courteous in the store.
    One thing that I also noticed was that taking this last box of whipped cream wasn’t worth it, even if the desert we did for Rachel and the others was perfect. Of course, I was happy to show her how to celebrate a real Swedish Midsummer Eve, but the pain it gave me, and the suffer I went through was so much stronger. I found out that taking the cream for my own sense of happiness didn’t make me happier at all, contrary, I made me disappointed on myself, sad and full of shame.
    If this type of situation ever would happen again, I’m sure that I wouldn’t act like I did that summer day in the middle of June, a few years ago. I have definitely learned a lesson!
    A though struck me ones though; what if just this man also received a visit from a foreign relative that never been to Sweden before and for the very first time was going to celebrating the Midsummer Day with the courteous man and his relatives. What if just this man, had been looking forward to show his relative how all Swedish people are celebrating the Midsummer with the special food, especially; the desert. What if this man wanted the Midsummer to be perfect, just like I wanted it to, and ended up disappointed on him for not getting the most important part of the meal the whipped cream. That is thoughts that have tortured me a long time now. I feel so sorry for him, it wasn’t my meaning, and I didn’t mean to tear down his Midsummer Day, I was just egoistic and selfish…
    If there was any way I could change the past, I would, but there is now way that could be happening. I have to live it but hopefully, it will bring me more good than bad since I learn a lot from it.
    To try to handle and resolve my feelings and thoughts, I can’t really say that I have tried to constrict all my thought, it’s not like that. It’s more like I have tried to put them a side, but also to take learning from it, to turn the whole thing in to something positive, something good. I believe in the old cliché ”You have to learn from your mistakes”, I think that it’s actually true.
    I’m keeping on being reminded of this event every single time I’m going to buy whipped cream. Nowadays the whole thing often just is making me laugh, but I’m also feeling very embarrassed about it. Sometime, walking around in the store all alone, I burst out laughing, for nothing; most people probably think, because somewhere deep inside my brain I’ll always remind this, and will always be remind, ones in a while. I also thing about it every Midsummer from that day on, until now. The fact that my parents always force me to tell all our relatives about what happened that midsummer day, isn’t make it easier for me to put I out of my mind, but the good thing is that it always makes people laugh, even me, actually.
    Nowadays, I can look back at this with a big smile on my face, even if it’s still makes me feeling bad for this nice man.
    I guess that the whole thing doesn’t seams like such a big deal, more like a trifle, for the most people, but in the matter of fact, it did, and it, in one way, also do, for me. But as I said, I believe in the old gorgeous cliché; you have to learn from your mistakes.

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Please, please help me correct my Language Arts Essay (short)

    Quote Originally Posted by Sweden View Post
    Hi all nice Teachers.
    I realized just for a few hours ago that I have one essay that is due for tomorrow. So I have now tried to finished it a few hours and I am finally finished. Since it's over midnight, i guess I have a pretty much spelling and grammar mistakes. So I really hope some nice Teacher her can help me with correcting it, I'm almost in panic. It doesn’t matter if you think it's to late, maybe I can get an extension. Thanks. /Jonathan from Sweden
    __________________________________________________ __________
    The courteous man’s whipped Cream (Confession Essay)
    I woke up before the alarm clock this morning. It delighted me to wake up by myself, feeling spirited and joie de vivre. It felt like this was the very first day of summer, since the early summer mostly was dominated of rain and cloudy days. The sun was shining trough the light yellow curtains and the sunbeam was shining between the light brown Venetian blinds. Not a single cloud disturbed the beautiful blue sky this morning.
    I sat on my bed and philosophized, looked up on the clouds, imagine myself sitting on one of them, and looking down on the beautiful landscape below. It was so beautiful to see the province from above. The leaks winding through the green summer meadow and the big yellow fields.
    My mind slowly returned to the bed I was sitting in, raised my gentle body from the soft bed mattress and entered the shower. The soft jet of water was massaging my supple body, it was wonderful. This place has always been my place for thinking, my place for releasing my mind, my place to solving problems that has been standing in my way, through life.
    When finished showering, eating breakfast, and got dressed, I entered the car and watched my mum driving on the hot, black asphalt to the airport, where we were going to pick up my mum's cousin from the states, more exactly Texas. She was here to visit us during summer break, I was so excited. She was going to spend the Midsummer Day together with me and my family. It was her very first time visit Sweden, and we were going to show her how to celebrate a traditional Swedish Midsummer with our traditional habits and our special food. The very most famous thing with the Swedish Midsummer food was the desert, ice cream, strawberry and whipped cream, yummy!
    This was actually the first time a meet her, and since she has American parents and never been to Sweden before, she couldn’t speak a word Swedish, which meant that we had to take every conversation in English, which I found very excited. I was only 13 at that point which meant that my English wasn’t the best, but I still mange to conduct a conversation pretty well.
    After about 20 minutes driving, we reached the supermarket where I was going to buy the only one missing thing for the Midsummer Evening – the whipped cream. The Store was almost death still and I couldn’t discern more than four people at the big supermarket. It felt kind of strange to walk around in total silence but I found in pleasant in a way. It took me a while to find the shelf with whipped cream but after about five minutes looking for it, I finally found it. There was only one single lumpy box of whipped cream left, but I really didn’t care since I was just happy to find it. Suddenly a man turn in front of me and walked towards the box I was heading against. I think he didn’t really understand that I also was on my way to take the last box of cream, since he smiled and nodded at me while he turned in, in front of me. When he reached the whipped cream shelf he took the box up in his hand and started to study the lumpy box. It felt so embarrassing in a way, that we both was heading against the same shelf so I immediately turned around and pretended looking for something ells, beside the cream. Suddenly, he placed down the box, turned around and went in behind the counter about eight meters from the cream shelf. I heard him ask the store stuff if there were any more boxes of cream left, except the lumpy one. I immediately saw my chance, without thinking I took a single step against the shelf and took the very last box of whipped cream and started to walk fast against pay office. After a few steps I started to run, I didn’t look back, just run against my target, gave the pay office stuff a 20 Kr note and run against the car, jumped in without a single hint of turning back, and told my mum to start the car. She did, and we drove away. Then the incredible sense of guilt hit me like a stroke, I had so bad guilty conscience…
    Afterward, when looking back, I’m actually surprised over my very strong feelings, my feelings of quilt. I didn’t though I would have this much “sense of guilt” that I actually had, even weeks after the deed.
    My bad conscience was almost killing me and I really wished the thing undone, but since it wasn’t I had no other choices then to face it. The best thing I can do is to take learning of this, to provide those things so it never happens again.
    When I was sitting in the car on my why back home, that Midsummer Day, the sense of quilt was so intensive that I was ready to tell my mum to stop the car, turn around and drive back to the supermarket, so I could give the cream back, to where it belongs, to the courteous in the store.
    One thing that I also noticed was that taking this last box of whipped cream wasn’t worth it, even if the desert we did for Rachel and the others was perfect. Of course, I was happy to show her how to celebrate a real Swedish Midsummer Eve, but the pain it gave me, and the suffer I went through was so much stronger. I found out that taking the cream for my own sense of happiness didn’t make me happier at all, contrary, I made me disappointed on myself, sad and full of shame.
    If this type of situation ever would happen again, I’m sure that I wouldn’t act like I did that summer day in the middle of June, a few years ago. I have definitely learned a lesson!
    A though struck me ones though; what if just this man also received a visit from a foreign relative that never been to Sweden before and for the very first time was going to celebrating the Midsummer Day with the courteous man and his relatives. What if just this man, had been looking forward to show his relative how all Swedish people are celebrating the Midsummer with the special food, especially; the desert. What if this man wanted the Midsummer to be perfect, just like I wanted it to, and ended up disappointed on him for not getting the most important part of the meal the whipped cream. That is thoughts that have tortured me a long time now. I feel so sorry for him, it wasn’t my meaning, and I didn’t mean to tear down his Midsummer Day, I was just egoistic and selfish…
    If there was any way I could change the past, I would, but there is now way that could be happening. I have to live it but hopefully, it will bring me more good than bad since I learn a lot from it.
    To try to handle and resolve my feelings and thoughts, I can’t really say that I have tried to constrict all my thought, it’s not like that. It’s more like I have tried to put them a side, but also to take learning from it, to turn the whole thing in to something positive, something good. I believe in the old cliché ”You have to learn from your mistakes”, I think that it’s actually true.
    I’m keeping on being reminded of this event every single time I’m going to buy whipped cream. Nowadays the whole thing often just is making me laugh, but I’m also feeling very embarrassed about it. Sometime, walking around in the store all alone, I burst out laughing, for nothing; most people probably think, because somewhere deep inside my brain I’ll always remind this, and will always be remind, ones in a while. I also thing about it every Midsummer from that day on, until now. The fact that my parents always force me to tell all our relatives about what happened that midsummer day, isn’t make it easier for me to put I out of my mind, but the good thing is that it always makes people laugh, even me, actually.
    Nowadays, I can look back at this with a big smile on my face, even if it’s still makes me feeling bad for this nice man.
    I guess that the whole thing doesn’t seams like such a big deal, more like a trifle, for the most people, but in the matter of fact, it did, and it, in one way, also do, for me. But as I said, I believe in the old gorgeous cliché; you have to learn from your mistakes.
    What would a long one look like?

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