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  1. #1
    blacksandvn is offline Newbie
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    Default Ielts Writing ...

    Hello teacher !!!

    I'll be very grateful if you spend some time on correcting this writing !


    The graphs indicate changes in both the number of immigrants in the period from the 1850s to the 1930s and country of origin between 1882 and 1907 to the USA.

    It's clear from the line graph that there were two sharp increases in the whole period. In the 1870s, immigration rose moderately to just over 2.5 millions then approximately doubled to 5 in the 1880s. Next decade, the number of immigrants plummeted to around 4 millions but later reached a peak to well under 9 millions. In each decade from the 1900s to the 1930s, immigration plunged constantly and sank to a trough to 1 millions in the 1903s.

    The piechart shows the original country of people who settled permanently in the USA changed significantly. In 1882, immigrants came from Germany, Ireland and Britain nearly a half of all , whereas, Russian, Italian, Australian and Hungarian immigrated to the United States in 1907 at two thirds overall. Particularly, Italy, Russia, Australia-Hungary made up 3 equal segments of piechart in 1907.

    In conclusion, the considerably more number of immigrants were from Italy, Russia, Autralia and Hungary than other countries but it increasingly fell.

    Thank you very much.

    Last edited by blacksandvn; 30-Oct-2006 at 05:04.

  2. #2
    Tdol is offline Editor, UsingEnglish.com
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    Default Re: Ielts Writing ...

    and country of origin- needs something like 'their'
    -immigrants plummeted to around 4 millions - is this plummeting? 25% less over a decade- it's a decline, but not plummeting to me
    a peak to well under 9 millions.- preposition
    the original country of people- rephrase
    In 1882, immigrants came from Germany, Ireland and Britain nearly a half of all , whereas, Russian, Italian, Australian and Hungarian immigrated to the United States in 1907 at two thirds overall.- rewrite the sentence
    the considerably more number - rewrite

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