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Thread: My poem


    • Join Date: Oct 2006
    • Posts: 10
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    #1

    Wink My poem

    Hello.My name is TANANEKO.This is my first post a mail.Please give me your advice.

    After tea

    At the museum's cafe.
    I watch
    The empty tea cup.

    Stay,
    A sweet smell
    From the royal milk tea
    Tells me.

    Seeing:
    A scared man,
    In the bottom of the tea cup.

    what's his fear?
    The past?
    The future?

    He fights
    What he doesn't see.
    The years are long.
    Long enough.

    His right;
    The value of suffering.
    His lonely lonely hurt heart.
    Is free.

  1. curmudgeon's Avatar
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Retired English Teacher
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • UK
      • Current Location:
      • UK

    • Join Date: Mar 2006
    • Posts: 1,657
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    #2

    Re: My poem

    Very good, if a bit melancholy. Keep taking the medication


    • Join Date: Oct 2006
    • Posts: 163
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    #3

    Re: My poem

    Yes, it is a little sad , do you write happy stuff as well?

    obviously youve worked hard on this one, it looks pretty polished!


    • Join Date: Oct 2006
    • Posts: 3
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    #4

    Re: My poem

    I like it.
    Like a fortune-teller reading in tea leaves, you read the humanity fate in the bottom of your emptied glass.
    What is said cannot be said but as all has been consummated.
    Did the man or woman work hard in a labor camp, in a Chinese factory, on the cotton fields or in the housekeeping chores, therefore are their minds relieved, therefore is their horizon hopeful, for their inner space is sacred, it can’t be harmed, there blossoms their freedom hidden from anyone.
    Wasting one’s life at loafing about amid gilts and pleasures, at telling nice little babbles, that’s just worthless. It leaves the soul with nauseous emptiness.
    I like your poem.
    It is no sad, it is great and bright.
    -------
    Just be more careful about form.
    Your poem is worthwhile working on, it could put up with more polishing.
    -------
    (sorry for possible writing mistakes)

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