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    #1

    Analyse the press release and news article: Please help me find the errors

    Please correct my grammar.
    Thank you in deed.
    7
    This press release is a media release of St. George Bank which tries to convey good news to the public. It can be seen by its title which states information in a positive way. This press release is well-written and cites some good sources. However, it is too long and might take time for the journalist to get the most important information in this release. This press release is four pages in length and the journalist cut from four pages to one short paragraph.

    When we look at the news article, it can be seen that a journalist rewrites every thing and addresses just news values. This may because he cannot cut out any part, as it holds some important information. In addition, this press release is not constructed by inverted pyramid. In the first paragraph does not cover all important information and it looks like an introduction.

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    #2

    Re: Analyse the press release and news article: Please help me find the errors

    Quote Originally Posted by Naromi View Post
    This press release is a media release of St. George Bank which tries to convey good news to the public.
    This press release is a media release by St. George Bank, which tries to convey good news to the public.
    What is St. George Bank?

    Quote Originally Posted by Naromi View Post
    It can be seen by its title which states information in a positive way.


    It can be seen by its title, which states information in a positive way.
    What is meant by "It can be seen by its title"?

    Quote Originally Posted by Naromi View Post
    This press release is well-written and cites some good sources.


    OK.

    Quote Originally Posted by Naromi View Post
    However, it is too long and might take time for the journalist to get the most important information in this release.


    However, it is too long and it might take too much time for the journalist to get the most important information into the release.


    Quote Originally Posted by Naromi View Post
    This press release is four pages in length and the journalist cut from four pages to one short paragraph.
    The press release is four pages long, and the journalist reduced it from four pages to one short paragraph.


    Quote Originally Posted by Naromi View Post
    When we look at the news article, it can be seen that a journalist rewrites every thing and addresses just news values.


    everything (one word)

    Quote Originally Posted by Naromi View Post
    This may because he cannot cut out any part, as it holds some important information.


    This may be because he cannot cut out any part, as it might contain some important information.
    Quote Originally Posted by Naromi View Post
    In addition, this press release is not constructed by inverted pyramid.


    In addition, this press release is not constructed as an inverted pyramid.

    Quote Originally Posted by Naromi View Post
    In the first paragraph does not cover all important information and it looks like an introduction.


    The first paragraph does not summarize all important information, and it looks like an introduction.

    ~R

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