Results 1 to 2 of 2

Thread: Edit Text

  1. #1
    Miha63 is offline Newbie
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Posts
    1
    Post Thanks / Like

    Post Edit Text

    Hello,

    I have to edit a text that contains several errors, such as verb form, fragment, sentence structure, comma splice, subject verb agreement,clause formation, and run on, but I am not confident that I did it right. Can someone please help and let me know if I did it correct?

    Original text:
    1. The Dragon Boat Festival is the another significant festival in Chinese traditional celebration. 2. The dragon boat festival is celebrating on the fifth day of Lunar May. 3.This holiday is to commemorate the death of Chyu Yuan; a well-loved poet of the fourth century B.C. 4. Chyu Yuan drowned himself to protesting his king’s despotic rule. 5.The villagers respected him so much that they rowed their boats down the river and dropped chung-tze. 6. Rice dumplings, into the river to feed the fish, so the fish would not eat Chyu Yuan’s body. 7. To celebrating the dragon Boat festival, families does several things. 8. Such as make chung-tze, hang the moxa herb, and watch the dragon boat race.9. Before the Dragon Boat festival, every family prepare chung-tze. 10. This is a kind of rice dumpling filled with various things, such as bean curd, meat, mushroom, and shrimp, and then wrapped in bamboo leaves and steamed. 11.The mother and children works together to preparing the chung-tze.12. Then, each family also have to buy moxa herb and hang it in a special location. 13. The reason for this is that the moxa herb can get rid of bad luck in the family. 14. Some people even use these herbs to wash sick babies for they believe that this special festival can bring some “transformation” in people’s lives, usually, the father and the boys find a location to hang the moxa herb.15. After preparing the chung-tze, each family go to the river to watch the dragon boat races, who take place on this festival day. 16. The dragon boat race symbolizing the story of Chyu-Yuan. 17. It is a rowing boat team competition with about thirty people in each team, all the spectators cheer and shout enthusiastically. 18. After the exciting race, both the competitors and spectators usually eating many chung-tze.19. The Dragon Boat festival symbolizes the unique meanings of Chinese history furthermore, the process of make the rice dumplings, the hanging of the moxa herb, and the boat races are good ways of drawing all members of the family together. 20.Perhaps, one day we have a very different celebration, but so far, I still like this holiday being celebrated in a traditional way.

    Edited Text:

    The Dragon Boat Festival, celebrated on the fifth day of Lunar May, is another significant festival in the Chinese traditional celebration. This holiday commemorates the death of Chyu Yuan, a well-loved poet of the forth century B.C., who drowned himself to protest his king’s despotic rule.The villagers respected him so much that they rowed their boats down to the river and dropped chung-tze, rice dumplings, into the river to feed the fishes, so they will not eat Chyu Yuan’s body.To celebrate the Dragon Boat festival, families do several things such as make the chung-tze, hang the moxa herb, and watch the Dragon Boat race. Before the Dragon Boat festival, every family prepares chung-tze. This is a kind of rice dumpling filled with various things, such as bean curd, meat, mushroom, and shrimp, then, wrapped in bamboo leaves and steamed. The mother and the children work together to prepare the chung-tze.Then, each family also has to buy moxa herb and hang it in a special location. Some people even use these herbs to wash sick babies. Since they believe that this special festival can bring some “transformation” in people lives, usually, the father and the boys find a location to hang the moxa herb. After preparing the chung-tze, each family goes to the river to watch the Dragon Boat races that take place on the festival day. The Dragon Boat race, that symbolizes the story of Chyu-Yuan, is a rowing boat team competition with about thirty people in each team. During the race, all the spectators cheer and shout enthusiastically. After the exiting race, usually, both the competitors and the spectators eat many chung-tze.The Dragon Boat festival symbolizes the unique meanings of Chinese history. Furthermore, the process of making the rice dumpling, hanging the moxa herb, and the boat races are good ways of drawing all members of the family together. Perhaps, one day we will have a different celebration, but so far, I still like this holiday to be celebrated in a traditional way.

    Thank you,



  2. #2
    Anglika is offline No Longer With Us
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    19,448
    Post Thanks / Like

    Re: Edit Text

    Edited Text:

    The Dragon Boat Festival, celebrated on the fifth day of Lunar May, is another significant festival in the Chinese traditional celebration.

    might be better expressed: "significant traditional Chinese festival"

    This holiday commemorates the death of Chyu Yuan, a well-loved poet of the forth century B.C., who drowned himself to protest his king’s despotic rule.

    ? protest against protest about

    The villagers respected him so much that they rowed their boats down to the river and dropped chung-tze, rice dumplings, into the river to feed the fishes, so they will not eat Chyu Yuan’s body.

    Did they row them across land? Look again!

    "so that they"

    To celebrate the Dragon Boat festival, families do several things such as make the chung-tze, hang the moxa herb, and watch the Dragon Boat race. Before the Dragon Boat festival, every family prepares chung-tze. This is a kind of rice dumpling filled with various things, such as bean curd, meat, mushroom, and shrimp, then wrapped in bamboo leaves and steamed. The mother and the children work together to prepare the chung-tze.

    (remove unnecessary comma)

    Then, each family also has to buy moxa herb and hang it in a special location. Some people even use these herbs to wash sick babies. Since they believe that this special festival can bring some “transformation” in people lives, usually, the father and the boys find a location to hang the moxa herb.

    "bring about some...." people's

    I think you need to state that moxa is believed to bring good luck.
    Also it is the herb that transforms, not the festival.
    The sentence about the fathers and sons needs to be separated from the previous statement (unless of course there is a link).

    After preparing the chung-tze, each family goes to the river to watch the Dragon Boat races that take place on the festival day. The Dragon Boat race, that symbolizes the story of Chyu-Yuan, is a rowing boat team competition with about thirty people in each team. During the race, all the spectators cheer and shout enthusiastically. After the exiting [spelling] race, usually both the competitors and the spectators eat many chung-tze. The Dragon Boat festival symbolizes the unique meanings of Chinese history. Furthermore, the process of making the rice dumpling, hanging the moxa herb, and the boat races are good ways of drawing all members of the family together. Perhaps, one day we will have a different celebration, but so far, I still like this holiday to be celebrated in a traditional way.


    Try to split the text into paragraphs. Good otherwise, and very interesting

Similar Threads

  1. Mysterious text
    By englishstudent in forum General Language Discussions
    Replies: 9
    Last Post: 02-Nov-2006, 11:05
  2. Please, could you correct mistakes in my English text?
    By George S in forum Editing & Writing Topics
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 04-May-2006, 03:08
  3. text
    By ewelina in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 26-Apr-2006, 21:20
  4. "work"/"deal with" the text
    By Leo.Avilla in forum Text Analysis and Statistics
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 04-Feb-2006, 04:44
  5. Edit please
    By bmo in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 30-May-2004, 09:17

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •