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  1. #1
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    Angry Plaease edit my essay introduction

    Could any one help to edit and think of the meaning if it is correct?

    I worte 2 paragraph of my introduction.
    Please decide which one is better.

    Topic is : What are the disadavantages and advantages of arranged marriage?

    Introduction Style one:

    Marriage is a key to bring people into happiness whether in western countries or Asian countries. Likewise, Southeast Asia is place where people hold a very strict culture. To Cambodia, Marriage is a very important institution for Cambodian people; therefore, marriage is arranged by parents. However, if we have a look through this arranged marriage, there would be some contrast ideas about this. We all acknowledge that parents have more life experience, but do they always choose the right person? Will happiness be arranged after getting marriage? In fact, everything has its own advantages and disadvantages, and what are the advantages and disadvantages of the arranged marriage?

    Introduction style 2:
    Choosing husband or wife if one of the most important decision of everyone’s life because a marriage can bring a happy life and unhappy life. In many countries in the word especially in Western countries a man and woman can choose their own partner; however, in some countries like Cambodia parents arrange their children’s marriage. Such decision can have both advantages and disadvantages.

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Plaease edit my essay introduction

    Quote Originally Posted by kimhong View Post
    Topic is : What are the disadavantages and advantages of arranged marriage?
    Kim, as you can see by the amount of colour in my reply, the second style is probably much better for you. The first style is possible but you take some dangerous steps with rhetorical questions and fairly complex sentences. The second style is very good but very brief. If you want to make the second style a bit longer, try taking some information out of the first style and putting it on the end of the second. (Make one sentence that talks about the contrast between positive effects and the lack of the guarantee that the parents will make the right choice).

    Good work!

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    Introduction Style one:

    Marriage is a key to bring people into happiness both in western countries and Asian countries<"around the world"> . Likewise,In Southeast Asia , people hold to a very strict culture. To Cambodia, Marriage is a very <extremely> important institution for Cambodian people, and therefore marriage is <'usually,' 'always,' 'often,' 'normally' ? arranged by parents <expand the positive things about arranged marriage, so that you can use 'However' properly in the next sentence. However, if we take a closer look at arranged marriages, there are some contrasting ideas about them in Cambodian society. We can easily acknowledge that parents have more life experience, but do they always choose the right person? <<= Don't beg the question (too much)! try: "Parents carry the wisdom gained from a greater life experience than their children, but this does not necessarily assure that they will choose the right spouse for their child."> Will happiness be arranged with the marriage as well? In fact, everything has its own advantages and disadvantages, and what are the exact advantages and disadvantages of the arranged marriage?

    Introduction style 2:
    Choosing husband or wife if one of the most important decisions of someone's life because a marriage can bring either a happy life or an unhappy life. In many countries in the world, and especially in Western countries, a man and woman can choose their own partner. However, in some countries like Cambodia, parents arrange their children’s marriage. Such decision can have both advantages and disadvantages.

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Plaease edit my essay introduction

    What is the purpose of marriage? Is it to make people happy, or is it something else?

    ~R

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    Wink Re: Plaease edit my essay introduction

    So can you help me make it a bit longer about the two style of introduction i gave it to you.

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Plaease edit my essay introduction

    To make either introduction longer you would have to use more words. But which words and why?

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