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  1. #1
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    Default Correct my writing please

    It was Sunday morning at English class, when the principal entered the class room ans asked me to come with her to the office. She told me that I was chosen to present my country abroad.

    The next day I received my plane ticket I looked at it. It was headed to Munich Germany. I was extremely anxious. I did not know what to say nor do. Week later, on the way to the airport I could hear my heart beats. I checked in I did all the travel proceedings. After that, the gate opened. The flight attendant took me to my seat. I looked around, I saw people my age. Therefore, I asked the guy across where are the young people going to? He said that the Ministry of Education chose one student from every school to present our country in Munich. I felt very relieved and the pressure was gone. I thought I was the only one going there.

    After seven hours, we arrived at Munich Airport. Then, we checked in an ordinary hotel. When I got to my room, I met my roommate she was nice. We interduced ourselves. After that, we changed our clothes, then we went out to stroll around the area. The town was magnificent and full of life. A while later, my roommate had to return to the hotel, she said she was tired and she want to sleep.
    I walked her to the hotel. I stayed at the lobby and ordered some tea. After I had finished my tea, I went up to the room. The police broke the door, hand cuffed me, and told me my rights. They took me into custody. All I know that they found a body in the room and I was the only one there.

    Investigations started immediately, the detectives started questioning me, and all my answers to their questions were " I dont know". I asked for a lawyer then the trial began. It was the longest five months of my life, the trial was going no where. It always led them to dead end. All the stress and the pressure made me feel self destructed, emotionally broken, tired, and even thinking about suicide. I felt all alone in this world.
    My lawyer was sure that I was innocent, but there was no enough evidence to prove that. The jury had made their verdict. I was proven guilty and sentence me to twenty five years in jail.

    Three weeks later, they let me out and told me that they found the murderer who looked like exactly like me.

    The horror was over, they gave me money, rented a car to take me to the airport, and private jet to take me home. The pilot asked me about the incident and I said," It was only then that I realized they had mistaken me for someone else".

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Correct my writing please

    Hi MeeMz,

    The words and phrases in bold need to be changed.

    All the best.

    It was Sunday morning at English class, when the principal entered the class room and asked me to come with her to the office. She told me that I was chosen to present my country abroad.

    The next day I received my plane ticket I looked at it. It was headed to Munich Germany. (A plane ticket cannot be headed to a destination). I was extremely anxious. I did not know what to say nor do. Week later, on the way to the airport I could hear my heart beats. I checked in I did all the travel proceedings. After that, the gate opened. The flight attendant took me to my seat. I looked around, I saw people my age. Therefore, I asked the guy across where are the young people going to? He said that the Ministry of Education chose one student from every school to present our country in Munich. I felt very relieved and the pressure was gone. I thought I was the only one going there.

    After seven hours, we arrived at Munich Airport. Then, we checked in an ordinary hotel. When I got to my room, I met my roommate she was nice. We interduced ourselves. After that, we changed our clothes, then we went out to stroll around the area. The town was magnificent and full of life. A while later, my roommate had to return to the hotel, she said she was tired and she want to sleep.

    I walked her to the hotel. I stayed at the lobby and ordered some tea. After I had finished my tea, I went up to the room. The police broke the door, hand cuffed me, and told me my rights. They took me into custody. All I know that they found a body in the room and I was the only one there.

    Investigations started immediately, the detectives started questioning me, and all my answers to their questions were " I dont know". I asked for a lawyer then the trial began. It was the longest five months of my life, the trial was going no where. It always led them to dead end. All the stress and the pressure made me feel self destructed, emotionally broken, tired, and even thinking about suicide. I felt all alone in this world.

    My lawyer was sure that I was innocent, but there was no enough evidence to prove that. The jury had made their verdict. I was proven guilty and sentence me to twenty five years in jail.

    Three weeks later, they let me out and told me that they found the murderer who looked like exactly like me.

    The horror was over, they gave me money, rented a car to take me to the airport, and private jet to take me home. The pilot asked me about the incident and I said," It was only then that I realized they had mistaken me for someone else".

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Correct my writing please

    Quote Originally Posted by -MeeMz- View Post
    It was Sunday morning at English class, when the principal entered the class room ans asked me to come with her to the office. She told me that I was chosen to present my country abroad.
    I was in English class on a Sunday morning when the principal asked me to come to with her to the office. She told me that I had been chosen to represent my country abroad.
    Quote Originally Posted by -MeeMz- View Post
    The next day I received my plane ticket I looked at it. It was headed to Munich Germany. I was extremely anxious. I did not know what to say nor do. Week later, on the way to the airport I could hear my heart beats. I checked in I did all the travel proceedings. After that, the gate opened. The flight attendant took me to my seat. I looked around, I saw people my age. Therefore, I asked the guy across where are the young people going to? He said that the Ministry of Education chose one student from every school to present our country in Munich. I felt very relieved and the pressure was gone. I thought I was the only one going there.
    Do not say "I was anxious"; instead, say "I was anxious because...."

    Not:
    I checked in I did all the travel proceedings.
    Instead:
    I checked in. I got my boarding pass. I went to the boarding area.
    Say:
    He said that the Ministry of Education had chosen one student from every school to represent our country in Munich.
    Not:
    the detectives started questioning me
    Instead:
    The detectives questioned me.
    Read over your writing for punctuation and spelling errors.

    Don't assume that the reader knows things you haven't told him. Don't expect him to fill in things you have left out.

    ~R

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Correct my writing please

    thnx RonBee I appreciate wat r u doing

  5. #5
    RonBee's Avatar
    RonBee is offline Moderator
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    Default Re: Correct my writing please

    Post the revised story here so that we may compliment you on the improvements.


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