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  1. #1
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    Feb 2006
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    Default Need help with this short little paragraph

    Hi,I would really appreciate it if someone could read over this short paragraph about the Industrial revolution and point out my grammar errors. Thanks alot.

    However, it would be unfair to say that the two books cover two totally separate aspects of the revolution; they do share some common grounds. Both books begin with a fair strong introduction on the Revolution that helps to prepare the reader for the contents about to be expressed. A talk about the preconditions of the Revolution follows immediately with the main focus on the role the British played. Although a few remarks about Germany, Belgium and France are made here and there. The steam engine is mentioned in both works as the key invention that started the revolution and kept it going. Conditions of the lower classes during the revolution are covered extremely well and there is a special emphasize on the new class conflict between the proletariat and the bourgeoisie (the “haves and the “have not”). It would not be unreasonable to say that about half of the pages on the Industrial Revolution in both books were devoted to that area. The short coming of both works lies in the fact that neither talked much about the economic effects of the revolution. Most of the information regarding economic effects is gathered from paragraphs devoted to other areas. Thus, the key ideas are merely introduced rather than explored fully. Similarly, for political effects, the books tend to go into the specifics and certain important effects are often ignored (One focus on Marxism while the other on early Socialism).The social aspects, even though it is overemphasized, is only expressed in terms of the “general worker”. Women are given absolutely no mention while only a few sentences are devoted to children. Both books conclude nicely by making a reference to the development of the modern society that follows (Congress of Vienna and Revolutions of 1848 to name a few).

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
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    Default Re: Need help with this short little paragraph

    ----------------------------TEXT ANALYSED-------------------------------

    It would be unfair to say that the two books cover separate aspects of the revolution; they do share some common grounds. Both books begin with a fair strong introduction of the Revolution that helps to prepare the reader for the contents expressed afterwards. A talk about the preconditions of the Revolution follows immediately with the main focus on the role the British played. A few remarks about Germany, Belgium and France are made here and there. The steam engine is mentioned in both works as the key invention that started the revolution and kept it going. Conditions of the lower classes during the revolution are covered extremely well and there is a special emphasize on the new class conflict between the proletariat and the bourgeoisie (the “haves and the “have not”). It would not be unreasonable to say that about half of the pages of the Industrial Revolution in both books were devoted to this area. The short coming of both works lies in the fact that neither talked much about the economic effects of the revolution. Most of the information regarding economic effects is gathered from paragraphs devoted to other areas. Thus, the key ideas are merely introduced rather than explored fully. Similarly, for political effects, the books tend to go into the specifics and certain important effects are often ignored (One focus on Marxism while the other on early Socialism).The social aspects, even though it is overemphasized, is only expressed in terms of the “general worker”. Women are given absolutely no mention while only a few sentences are devoted to children. Both books conclude nicely by making a reference to the development of the modern society that follows (Congress of Vienna and Revolutions of 1848 to name a few).

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