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Thread: short passage

  1. #1
    kohyoongliat is offline Senior Member
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    Default short passage

    Could someone please edit this short passage for me. Thank you very much.

    Alice has a baby sister. Her name is Sally. Sally is two months old. She cannot eat food because she has no teeth. She drinks milk from a bottle.
    Alice loves her sister very much. She likes to play with her and see her smile.
    Sally cries whenever she is hungry or thirsty. Alice will feed her with milk or water whenever her mother is busy.
    Whenever her mother is busy, she puts Sally to bed.

  2. #2
    Anglika is offline No Longer With Us
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    Default Re: short passage

    Each sentence is grammatically fine and the whole makes sense, but lacks fluency. How long have you been learning English?

  3. #3
    kohyoongliat is offline Senior Member
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    Default Re: short passage

    This is model composition for students who have just started school. Could you please edit it to make it a better composition, please.
    Thank you very much.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: short passage

    Quote Originally Posted by kohyoongliat View Post
    Could someone please edit this short passage for me. Thank you very much.

    Alice has a baby sister. Her name is Sally. Sally is two months old. She cannot eat food because she has no teeth. She drinks milk from a bottle.
    Alice loves her sister very much. She likes to play with her and see her smile.
    Sally cries whenever she is hungry or thirsty. Alice will feed her with milk or water whenever her mother is busy.
    Whenever her mother is busy, she puts Sally to bed.
    Hi, I am a beginner, too. Could you pls help to correct the adaptted one, thanks.
    Alice has a two-month-old sister named Sally, Sally just can drink and can not eat some solid food, because she has no teech.Alice loves Sally so deeply, and often feed and play with her when Sally feel hungry or unhappy and her mother is busy.
    Thanks

  5. #5
    kohyoongliat is offline Senior Member
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    Default Re: short passage

    Dear Anglika

    Could you oblige me by editing the short passage for me. Thank you very much.
    Last edited by kohyoongliat; 21-Dec-2006 at 14:45. Reason: wrong name

  6. #6
    mykwyner is offline Key Member
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    Default Re: short passage

    I'll help you get started.

    Alice has a two month old baby sister namend Sally. Sally cannot eat food because she has no teeth, so she drinks milk from a bottle.

    This is a good exercise in creating compound and complex sentences in order to make your writing more interesting.

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