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  1. #1
    maria_m is offline Newbie
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    Default Could someone help me with my application letter,please. Is it intresting?

    Hi! Could you please read over my letter of application and my resume?
    I would like to go to USA for an internship this year. Thank you very much for your attention to my post.

    MY LETTER OF APPLICATION:
    Dear Ms. X:
    I am writing to express my interest in the 12 to 18 month internship with XYZ. I learned about this opportunity while viewing the - COMPANY- web page. I believe I have the background and qualifications you are seeking in an intern.
    I have gained practical experience and developed horsemanship skills working with horses at ‘Horse Training Center’ in CITY (COUNTRY), specialized in young animals training, mostly trotters (many of them are very famous now). The leader and the owner of the place is a veterinarian, equine practitioner. I have learned about health care of horses both from him and through my private interest. I have also gathered hands-on experience taking care of and training private horses from stables around my city since I started the university. I have taken a part in some dressage competitions on horses trained by me with really good results.
    During my PhD study I have obtained essential practical experience as a scientist as well as a team worker. I am a good observer and very patient, fast learning person. Probable these attributes of my character allowed me to be being a good listener, have excellent relationships with people and superb communication skills. Also, I am keen on work with young and/or difficult horses. Perceptible progress of their ability to match requirements gives me satisfaction and is the most rewarding for my work input.
    I am confident that I can be an active, open-minded and useful member of your team. I believe the combination of my academic background and practical horse handling experience will help me to contribute to the ongoing success of your company during my internship. My English skills are satisfactory and I am able to communicate quite fluently about technical matters.
    Thank you in advance for your time and consideration in my offer. I look forward to contact with you. I will follow up next weeks to make sure you have received my documents if I do not receive a response from you earlier.
    Sincerely,

    MY RESUME:
    Objective: Willing to increase knowledge in equine exercise physiology, gain experience in horse nutrition working side by side with top equine nutritionists. To become a competent researcher, acquainted with different laboratory and research methods.

    Skills And Accomplishments:
    · Experienced in horse healthcare ranging from preventative to clinical care.
    · Competent rider and trainer of horses.
    · Widely recognized as an excellent horse care provider.
    · Detail oriented and resourceful in the completion of tasks with ability to multi-task effectively.
    · Effective independently or as a member of the team to reach objectives.
    · Dedicated individual achieving a reputation for consistently going beyond what is required.
    · Excellent interpersonal and communication skills.
    · Well versed/Proficient in programs of Microsoft Office/Word, Excel, PowerPoint.

    Work Experience
    · Lecturer Assistant
    October 2003– June 2006
    Faculty of Natural Science, Department of Biochemistry and Physiology.University of CITY, CITY, COUNTRY.
    Demonstrated outstanding ability toorganize, manage and supervise coordinate work in laboratory. Exhibited capability to work both independently and as a team. Presented effective communication skills with a wide range of personalities.
    · Veterinary Assistant (voluntary work), Caretaker and Horse Trainer
    June - October 2005
    Horse Training Center, CITY, COUNTRY. Demonstrated knowledge of technical competencies such as collecting and processing of blood samples and preparation for and assistance in surgeries. Under veterinary supervision injected animals with required medicines and immunizations. Maintained stalls clean, fed and watered animals. Provided excellent horse care and riding skills.
    · Lecturer in Public Health
    September 2004 – June 2005
    1st Non-Public Medical College in CITY, CITY, COUNTRY.
    Thrive on working with people and helping students achieve their objectives.
    · Lifeguard
    Summer job: 2002, 2003, 2004, 2006
    COMPANY, CITY, STATE, USA.
    Presented strong work ethic and high quality performance. Confirmed very good customer and co-worker relations and communication skills.

    Education
    · PhD student
    2003 – Present
    Faculty of Natural Science, Department of Physiology. University of CITY, CITY, COUNTRY.
    · Master of Science (Biochemistry)
    2003
    Faculty of Natural Science, Department of Physiology. University of CITY, CITY, COUNTRY.
    Majors: biochemistry, physiology, microbiology, genetics and cellular biology.


    Publications
    · LastName Initial., Year. Title of the article. Journal Name, Pages.
    · LastName Initial., Year. Title of the article. Journal Name, Pages.

  2. #2
    Tdol is offline Editor, UsingEnglish.com
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    Default Re: Could someone help me with my application letter,please. Is it intresting?

    mostly trotters (many of them are very famous now)- how about mostly trotters, many of which are very famous now.
    gathered hands-on experience- gained
    I started the university.- no article
    I have taken a part in some dressage competitions- I'd say 'have also taken' to connect it to the previous sentence
    During my PhD study- I'd say during the course of my PhD studies
    fast learning person- I'd say 'very patient and a quick learner'
    Perceptible progress- Clear/noticeable/measurable
    is the most rewarding for my work input- most rearding part of my work
    My English skills are satisfactory- judging by the writing, this sems excessively modest to me
    I look forward to contact with you- to hearing from you
    I will follow up next weeks to make sure you have received my documents if I do not receive a response from you earlier.- This sounds a bit pushy to me (personal feeling)- I would just follow up without telling them.
    Good luck.

  3. #3
    maria_m is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: Could someone help me with my application letter,please. Is it intresting?

    I corrected my sentences like you have suggested and the letter is smoother now. Thank you very much Tdol :) Have a Happy New Year!

    PS.Did you go through my resume too? You did not mention about it and I am not sure if it is OK like this? I am writing an essay answering the following question, “What are your expectations of the internship program and how do you think participating in the internship program will benefit your professional career”. Should be ‘a short essay’ – that the way how they want this to be but I don’t know what does it mean? 300 – 400 words or less/more?

  4. #4
    Tdol is offline Editor, UsingEnglish.com
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    Default Re: Could someone help me with my application letter,please. Is it intresting?

    Maybe 2-50-300. 400 seems a bit much for short, though they should be a bit more speciifc. The resume looks OK.

  5. #5
    maria_m is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: Could someone help me with my application letter,please. Is it intresting?

    Thank you very much for your time to correct my mistakes and attention to my letters.
    With best wishes,
    Maria

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