Page 1 of 2 1 2 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 14
  1. Volcano1985's Avatar
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Student or Learner
      • Native Language:
      • Turkish
      • Home Country:
      • Turkey
      • Current Location:
      • Turkey

    • Join Date: Jul 2006
    • Posts: 877
    • Post Thanks / Like
    #1

    Help For The Paragraph...

    Hello
    Can anyone check the below paragraph for the mistakes if there are.

    By the way; to the sky that is always on our head,to the darkness times of the day,to the storms that even come up sometimes,to the seas where we would drown one day,to the old times,to the future even if we don’t know what would happen,to the history even if it has many wrongs,to all the beautiful children that are trying to make the flow of the history good,to the Donkisot,to the Ernesto “Ç´e" Guevara,to the ways,to the journeys,to the darlings,to the lovemakings,to the impossibilities of which we can only dream,to the warmings while feeling cold,to the mothers that are warmer than everything,to the fathers,and we are sending our own warmth to the songs that take their tastes from these.
    We saw bad things.Wars,massacres,children that were died or killed.We saw people,socities which had lost their own languages,cultures and themselves.We saw flaming villages,cities,forests,animals.We saw poors,crying mothers,fathers and children that knowingly running to their deaths everyday.We died too but despite everything,we sang songs on this earth’s surface.Thanks World.

    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • English Teacher
      • Native Language:
      • British English
      • Home Country:
      • UK
      • Current Location:
      • Japan

    • Join Date: Nov 2002
    • Posts: 44,225
    • Post Thanks / Like
    #2

    Re: Help For The Paragraph...

    By the way- strange opening as it's got nothing before it.
    sky- I'd say over/above our heads
    darkness times- darkest?
    to the sea where we *will*
    make the flow of the history good,- I'd use 'the course of history'
    warmth to the songs- in??
    We saw bad things.Wars,massacres, -I'd use a colon after things
    saw poors- poor
    knowingly running- were knowingly runing/knowingly ran

  2. Volcano1985's Avatar
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Student or Learner
      • Native Language:
      • Turkish
      • Home Country:
      • Turkey
      • Current Location:
      • Turkey

    • Join Date: Jul 2006
    • Posts: 877
    • Post Thanks / Like
    #3

    Re: Help For The Paragraph...

    Quote Originally Posted by Tdol View Post
    By the way- strange opening as it's got nothing before it.
    sky- I'd say over/above our heads
    darkness times- darkest?
    to the sea where we *will*
    make the flow of the history good,- I'd use 'the course of history'
    warmth to the songs- in??
    We saw bad things.Wars,massacres, -I'd use a colon after things
    saw poors- poor
    knowingly running- were knowingly runing/knowingly ran
    The writing starts with "by the way" so i think there is no problem.
    Why can't i use "poors".I want to give plural meaning.

    Thanks...

  3. curmudgeon's Avatar
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Retired English Teacher
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • UK
      • Current Location:
      • UK

    • Join Date: Mar 2006
    • Posts: 1,657
    • Post Thanks / Like
    #4

    Re: Help For The Paragraph...

    Quote Originally Posted by Volcano1985 View Post
    Hello
    Can anyone check the below paragraph for the mistakes if there are.

    By the way; to the sky that is always over our head,to the darkest times of the day, to the storms that sometimes blow up ,to the seas where we might drown one day, to the olden times, to the future even though we don't know what it holds, to the history even if it holds many wrongs, to all the beautiful children that have tried to make it good ,to the Donkisot,to the Ernesto “Ç´e" Guevara, to the ways,to the journeys, to the darlings, to the lovemaking ,to the impossibilities of which we can only dream, to the warmth when feeling cold, to the mothers that are warmer than everything, to the fathers, we are sending our own warmth in the songs that take their tastes from these.
    We saw bad things. Wars,massacres, children that were maimed or killed.We saw people,societies which had lost their own language ,culture and themselves.We saw flaming villages, cities, forests, ?animals.We saw poor,crying mothers, fathers and children that knowingly (unwittingly?) run to their deaths everyday.We too will die, but despite everything,we will sing songs on this earth’s surface. Thanks World.
    mothers and fathers make poor plural

  4. Volcano1985's Avatar
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Student or Learner
      • Native Language:
      • Turkish
      • Home Country:
      • Turkey
      • Current Location:
      • Turkey

    • Join Date: Jul 2006
    • Posts: 877
    • Post Thanks / Like
    #5

    Re: Help For The Paragraph...

    Quote Originally Posted by curmudgeon View Post
    mothers and fathers make poor plural
    Thanks mate curmudgeon but your writing makes the paragraph's meaning change.Yours doesn't suit its original mean.

    poor is not adjective of mothers and fathers there.Its a noun.

    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • English Teacher
      • Native Language:
      • British English
      • Home Country:
      • UK
      • Current Location:
      • Japan

    • Join Date: Nov 2002
    • Posts: 44,225
    • Post Thanks / Like
    #6

    Re: Help For The Paragraph...

    In that case, say 'the poor'

  5. curmudgeon's Avatar
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Retired English Teacher
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • UK
      • Current Location:
      • UK

    • Join Date: Mar 2006
    • Posts: 1,657
    • Post Thanks / Like
    #7

    Re: Help For The Paragraph...

    or poverty - not sure about flaming animals as well

  6. Volcano1985's Avatar
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Student or Learner
      • Native Language:
      • Turkish
      • Home Country:
      • Turkey
      • Current Location:
      • Turkey

    • Join Date: Jul 2006
    • Posts: 877
    • Post Thanks / Like
    #8

    Re: Help For The Paragraph...

    Quote Originally Posted by curmudgeon View Post
    or poverty - not sure about flaming animals as well
    Its hard to translate some things to the another language...

  7. Harry Smith's Avatar
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • English Teacher
      • Native Language:
      • Armenian
      • Home Country:
      • Armenia
      • Current Location:
      • Russian Federation

    • Join Date: Aug 2006
    • Posts: 2,926
    • Post Thanks / Like
    #9

    Re: Help For The Paragraph...

    Quote Originally Posted by Volcano1985 View Post
    Its hard to translate some things to the another language...
    While translating remember one thing. It's not enough changing words from one language into another. It's very important to translate the meaning of your text.

  8. Volcano1985's Avatar
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Student or Learner
      • Native Language:
      • Turkish
      • Home Country:
      • Turkey
      • Current Location:
      • Turkey

    • Join Date: Jul 2006
    • Posts: 877
    • Post Thanks / Like
    #10

    Re: Help For The Paragraph...

    Quote Originally Posted by Harry Smith View Post
    While translating remember one thing. It's not enough changing words from one language into another. It's very important to translate the meaning of your text.
    I do so.Just put here if it has mistakes but i see some users changed its original mean.

Page 1 of 2 1 2 LastLast

Similar Threads

  1. Paragraph Confusion
    By Unregistered in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 26-Dec-2006, 05:17
  2. The paragraph which puzzled me:
    By ppttpp in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 21-Nov-2006, 13:20
  3. Replies: 12
    Last Post: 06-Oct-2006, 21:22
  4. Macbeth essay, 1st paragraph.
    By p3t3r1 in forum Editing & Writing Topics
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 02-Jun-2006, 06:17
  5. Is the paragraph cohesive?
    By sky753 in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 25-Mar-2006, 03:48

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •