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  1. #1
    DaAzNJRiCh is offline Newbie
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    Default Can I get an edit for my USC application essays?

    They are only supposed to be about a paragraph long and I know that they aren't that great. I would like some feedback on at least 1 of them. It would be nice to point out any grammar mistakes too. Thanks.


    1. Tell us about an activity that is important to you, and why

    There is no feeling like knowing you have helped out others. On Tuesdays and Wednesdays for the past two years, I have been volunteering at the Boys and Girls Club and more specifically, in the technology center. Since most of these six to nine year olds come from poor families, they havenít had the same opportunities as other children their age. I help teach the kids how to use the computers and get them to do grammar and math exercises on it. Part of my job is to motivate the less reluctant kids to actually do their work but there is no better feeling than watching the kids celebrate receiving a trophy for good work after telling me ďI canít do itĒ or ďitís too hard!.Ē At the end of the day, some of the kids thank me and give me a hug. Helping out kids is the most fulfilling work that I have ever done.




    2. Describe your academic interests and how you plan to pursue them at USC.

    What is four times seven? When I was six, my parents would quiz my sister and I on the times tables. Even though I was only 6, I would go to my parentsí jewelry and souvenir store in San Francisco, where my parents would teach me how to do business and math; they taught me the value of a good education. With a great interest in math, business and science, I plan to take courses that interest me and courses that would help me in future occupations. I believe that USC will give me the necessary opportunities to succeed in not only school, but in life.



    3. Why are you planning to transfer to USC?

    Everyone told me that I have to go to all the schools that I am planning on applying to. After visiting a couple of colleges, they all seemed the same to me; they seemed like good places that I would probably have fun at. It felt like a waste of time visiting schools that all seemed mediocre. When I first saw USCís campus, I immediately knew that this school was special. The campus was beautiful, the people were exciting, and there was a jolly feeling in the air. After spending a few more hours around the campus, my initial feelings were confirmed. Everyone I met seemed to have the same attitude towards learning that I had. At the end of my visit, I was convinced that I wanted to be apart of this exceptional community; I want to be a Trojan.

    4. OPTIONAL: Any information that you believe is relevant to our consideration of you as an applicant, but not already discussed or explained in your application.


    After spending many years in average schools, I knew I wanted more. Deciding to go to Miramonte High School was the best decision I ever made because it offered me a more competitive environment that better suits my desire for a better education. I was able to successfully complete AP and Honors classes at Miramonte that helped prepare me for college. In addition to learning how to study and learn by myself, I have had the chance to discover how to work more efficiently in groups and to learn from other peopleís trains of thought. Miramonte has been a tremendous experience for me because it has pushed me to limits that I didnít know that I had.


  2. #2
    curmudgeon's Avatar
    curmudgeon is offline Key Member
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    Default Re: Can I get an edit for my USC application essays?

    Quote Originally Posted by DaAzNJRiCh View Post
    They are only supposed to be about a paragraph long and I know that they aren't that great. I would like some feedback on at least 1 of them. It would be nice to point out any grammar mistakes too. Thanks.


    1. Tell us about an activity that is important to you, and why

    There is no better feeling than knowing you have helped others less fortunate than yourself... On Tuesdays and Wednesdays for the past two years, I have worked as a volunteer at the Boys and Girls Club, specifically in the technology center. Since most of these six to nine year olds who attend come from poor families, they haven’t had the same opportunities as other children their age. I help teach the kids how to use the computers and get them to do grammar and math exercises. Part of my job is to motivate the more reluctant kids to actually do their work and there is no better feeling than watching them celebrate when they receive a trophy for good work, especially after saying to me “I can’t do it” or “it’s too hard!.” At the end of the day, some of the kids thank me and give me a hug. Helping out kids is the most fulfilling work that I have ever done.




    2. Describe your academic interests and how you plan to pursue them at USC.

    What is four times seven?... When I was six, my parents would quiz my sister and I on the times tables. Even though I was only 6, I would go to my parents’ jewelry and souvenir store in San Francisco, where they would teach me how to do business and math; they taught me the value of a good education. With this interest I have developed in math, business and science, I plan to take courses that interest me and courses that would help me in my future career. I believe that USC will give me the necessary opportunities to succeed not only in school, but also in life.



    3. Why are you planning to transfer to USC?

    Everyone I spoke to advised me that I should visit all the schools that I am thinking of applying to. After visiting a couple of colleges, I felt they all seemed the same; they gave me the impression that some were good places that I would probably have fun at. Others felt like the visit was a waste of time as I felt they were at best mediocre. When I first saw USC’s campus, I immediately knew that this school was special. The campus was beautiful, the people were exciting, and there was a jolly feeling in the air. After spending a few hours around the campus, my initial feelings were confirmed. Everyone I met seemed to have the same attitude towards learning that I had. At the end of my visit, I was convinced that I wanted to be a part of this exceptional community; I want to be a Trojan.

    4. OPTIONAL: Any information that you believe is relevant to our consideration of you as an applicant, but not already discussed or explained in your application.


    After spending many years in average schools, I knew I wanted more. My decision to go to Miramonte High School was the best decision I ever made because it offered me a more competitive environment that better suited my desire for a better education. I was able to successfully complete AP and Honors classes at Miramonte which helped prepare me for college. In addition to learning how to study and learn by myself, I have had the chance to discover how to work more efficiently in groups and to learn from other people’s trains of thought. Miramonte has been a tremendous experience for me because it has pushed me to limits that I didn’t know that I had.
    c

  3. #3
    DaAzNJRiCh is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: Can I get an edit for my USC application essays?

    Thanks a lot. Does anyone have any feedback?

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