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  1. #1
    kohyoongliat is offline Senior Member
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    Default short composition

    Hi guys

    This composition is meant for the 1st-year students. Could someone please edit it for me? Thank you very much.

    One sunny day, an old man was walking in the park when he tripped over a stone. Fortunately, a young man was jogging in the park. He quickly ran to help him. He asked whether he was badly injured. The man said that he was all right. He had only a very minor cut on his right knee. The young man was relieved on hearing that. He helped him up and led him to a bench. The young man then applied a piece of medicated plaster over the cut.
    After that, he continued jogging, happy that he had done his best to help the old man.

  2. #2
    rancher247's Avatar
    rancher247 is offline Member
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    Default Re: short composition

    Quote Originally Posted by kohyoongliat View Post
    Hi guys

    This composition is meant for the 1st-year students. Could someone please edit it for me? Thank you very much.

    One sunny day, an old man was walking in the park when he tripped over a stone. Fortunately, a young man was jogging in the park. The young man quickly ran to help the elder man. The younger asked whether the elder was badly injured. The man said that he was all right. He had only a very minor cut on his right knee. The young man was relieved upon hearing that. He helped him up and led him to a bench. The young man then applied a piece of medicated plaster over the cut.
    After that, he continued jogging, happy that he had done his best to help the old man.
    The main problem is the lack of clarity resulting from all the "he" subject pronouns.

  3. #3
    RonBee's Avatar
    RonBee is offline Moderator
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    Default Re: short composition

    To trip is not the same as to fall. So say that the old man tripped and then he fell. Then say that the young man went over to help the old man.

    ~R

  4. #4
    kohyoongliat is offline Senior Member
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    Default Re: short composition

    I agree with you, It should be 'tripped ... and then fell."
    Many thanks.

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