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  1. RonBee's Avatar
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    #11

    Re: Application letter

    Quote Originally Posted by HyphenSpider View Post
    For the last two years I have been working for Blackwell Bookshops as a sales assistant. The time I (have?) spent there (has?) improved my ability to deal withcustomers in a polite and friendly way as well as honing my negotiation skills. I am now seeking to further my experience in sales, and to expand my knowledge.
    Almost perfect. Try:
    For the last two years I have been working for Blackwell Bookshops as a sales assistant. The time I have spent there has improved my ability to deal with customers in a polite and friendly way as well as honing my negotiation skills. I am now seeking to further my experience in sales, and to expand my knowledge in that field.
    ~R


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    #12

    Re: Application letter

    Sorry for being such a pain but, since this is a school exercise, I have to follow the instructions given, and they say I am currently unemployed. So, once again, does my paragraph sound unnatural?:

    I am currently unemployed. Up until two weeks ago, however, I was working for Blackwell Bookshops as a sales assistant. The time I spent there (nearly two years) improved my ability to deal with customers in a polite and friendly way as well as my negotiation skills. I had to quit that job because it took me too long to get there. My boss, Mr Thomson, gave me a very good referenfce when I left.

    Oh, one more thing! Why do I have to say 'honing' after 'as well as'?

    Thank you very much!!

  2. RonBee's Avatar
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    #13

    Re: Application letter

    Let's look at that sentence. "The time I spent there" did two things.

    The time I spent there
    improved my ability to deal with customers in a polite and friendly way

    and gave me an opportunity to improve my negotiating skills.
    You don't need to say that you took advantage of that opportunity, since that is implied.

    What do you think of the revised sentence?

    ~R


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    #14

    Re: Application letter

    The time I spent there

    improved my ability to deal with customers in a polite and friendly way

    improved my negotiating skills.
    What you say is true, but I can still not understand what makes what I wrote above wrong. Why can't I omit the second verb if it's the same as the first one?

  3. RonBee's Avatar
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    #15

    Re: Application letter

    Okay, how about:
    The time I spent there improved both my ability to deal with customers and my negotiating skills.
    I don't totally like that sentence. (It's not the time you spent there but what you did with that made you improve yourself.) However, I have restructured it so you don't have to use the same verb twice. (Tdol would do a better job of explaining the whys.)

    ~R


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    #16

    Re: Application letter

    The time I spent there improved both my ability to deal with customers and my negotiating skills.
    That's it! This sentence sounds just great!! Thanks!


    I don't totally like that sentence. (It's not the time you spent there but what you did with that made you improve yourself.)
    Yes, I agree. But I put it that way and no one seemed to realise it, so I thought it would be OK. How would you rewrite it?

    And one more question... I'm not quite sure I understand this:

    It's not the time you spent there but what you did with that made you improve yourself.

    There's something missing, isn't there??


    Thank you very much!!

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