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Thread: Hot topic:)

  1. #1
    SunnyLiu Guest

    Default Hot topic:)

    Dear Sir,
    Can you have an overall revise for me? I have written an article for IELTS test. Can you give me a hand?
    :mad: Yours,
    Sunny

    Topic:There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the traditional music that is heard everywhere nowadays?


    As the birth of human, music plays an important role in peopleís daily life. In fact, there are various kinds of music in the world today, such as traditional music and international music. Some people maintain that international music is more important than the traditional music. Personally, I donít think their view makes any sense.

    Actually, being traditional is quite from being out of date or obsolete. Traditional is what we inherit from our forefathers, and its being handed down from generation to generation, proves its capacity to survive. It is only those things that have weathered arduous trials time after time that can be called tradition; otherwise, they are something obsolete.

    For another, all these traditional music have stood the test of time; therefore they are the prime of one nationís culture and history. On the contrary, their existence tends to propel and even accelerate the development of international music. If we compare the development of the music to the construction of modern building, the traditional music can be likened to the foundation. Without a solid foundation, the building is destined to collapse.

    In addition, the development of international music originates in traditional music. Thus, development itself requires its assistance.

    In a word, traditional music is a necessary ingredient for the development of music. From what has been discussed above, we may safely arrive at the conclusion that traditional music is mire important than international music. :mad: :mad:

  2. #2
    Tdol is online now Editor, UsingEnglish.com
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    As the birth of human, music plays an important role in people’s daily life. In fact,

    From birth....

    I'm not sure about traditional and international as terms

  3. #3
    Tdol is online now Editor, UsingEnglish.com
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    being traditional is quite from being out of date or obsolete

    is far from being out of date...

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    RonBee's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hot topic:)

    Quote Originally Posted by SunnyLiu
    Dear Sir,
    Can you have an overall revise for me? I have written an article for IELTS test. Can you give me a hand?
    Say:
    • Can you do an overall revision for me?

    Quote Originally Posted by SunnyLiu
    Topic:There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the traditional music that is heard everywhere nowadays?
    I don't quite understand the last sentence there.

    Quote Originally Posted by SunnyLiu
    As the birth of human, music plays an important role in peopleís daily life. In fact, there are various kinds of music in the world today, such as traditional music and international music. Some people maintain that international music is more important than the traditional music. Personally, I donít think their view makes any sense.
    For the first sentence, try:
    • Music is a part of our lives from birth (or even before), and it plays an important role in our daily lives.

    For the second sentence, perhaps:
    • Of the varieties of music in the world today, the most important are tradtional music and what is called international music.

    For the third sentence, say:
    • Some people maintain that international music is more important than traditional music.

    For the fourth sentence, try:
    • However, I hold the opposite view.


    What do you think?

    :)

  6. #6
    RonBee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SunnyLiu
    Actually, being traditional is quite from being out of date or obsolete. Traditional is what we inherit from our forefathers, and its being handed down from generation to generation, proves its capacity to survive. It is only those things that have weathered arduous trials time after time that can be called tradition; otherwise, they are something obsolete.
    Try:
    • Traditional music is far from being out of date or obsolete. Traditional music has been handed down from generation to generation. That which is traditional has stood the test of time.

    Or:
    • Traditional music is not even close to being out of date or obsolete. Traditional music has been handed down from generation to generation. That which is traditional has stood the test of time.


    What do you think?

    :)

  7. #7
    Tdol is online now Editor, UsingEnglish.com
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    Default Re: Hot topic:)

    music is mire important than international music

    Music is more than just pop

    ???

  8. #8
    RonBee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SunnyLiu
    For another, all these traditional music have stood the test of time; therefore they are the prime of one nationís culture and history. On the contrary, their existence tends to propel and even accelerate the development of international music. If we compare the development of the music to the construction of modern building, the traditional music can be likened to the foundation. Without a solid foundation, the building is destined to collapse.
    For the first sentence, perhaps:
    • Its traditional music is a part of a nation's culture and history.

    You can't use On the contrary unless you are contradicting something that came before. That does not apply here.

    For the rest:
    • we compare the development of music to the construction of a building, traditional music can be likened to the foundation. Without a solid foundation, the building is destined to collapse.


    :)

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by SunnyLiu
    In addition, the development of international music originates in traditional music. Thus, development itself requires its assistance.
    Try:
    • In addition, the development of international music originates with traditional music.

    I'm afraid I don't understand the second sentence. :(

    Quote Originally Posted by SunnyLiu
    In a word, traditional music is a necessary ingredient for the development of music. From what has been discussed above, we may safely arrive at the conclusion that traditional music is mire important than international music.
    Perhaps you meant to say that pop music ("international music") developed from traditional music. (Please correct me if I am wrong.) I don't know if I would say that one form is more important than the other. Perhaps "more meaningful" is closer to what you are looking for? What do you think?

    :)

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