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Thread: short passage

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    #1

    short passage

    Could someone please edit this passage meant for year 2 students for me. Any suggestions to improve the passage are welcome. Thanks in advance.

    It is Jenny’s first day at school She is happy and excited. She is wearing her new uniform and shoes to school.

    In the classroom, she sees many new friends. Some of the pupils look sad because they miss their parents. Some are happy because they do not miss home. Instead, they like to be at school as they want to learn new things. Some, like Jenny, are happy because they can make new friends.

    All the teachers are friendly. They introduce themselves to the pupils and advise them to study hard. Their form teacher, Miss Tan, tells the pupils to treat the school as their second home.
    When the bell rings for recess, Jenny runs to the canteen. Her mother is waiting for her there. She eats the food and drinks the water her mother has brought for her. Soon the bell rings again. Recess is over. She bids her mother goodbye.

    Back in class, she listens attentively to her teachers. She enjoys learning new things. She does her work neatly.

    When it is time to go home, Jenny runs to meet her mother, who is waiting outside the school gate. Then they walk home together as their house is near the school.

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    #2

    Re: short passage

    sees many new friends- are they friends yet? How about classmates?

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    #3

    Re: short passage

    I agree. Not yet friends, but classmates.
    Many thanks


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    #4

    Re: short passage

    To me, it's very well written, but it seems alittle dull to me. Maybe add alittle definition to some things to try and liven them up.

    But on the other hand, I know nothing.

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