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Thread: short passage

  1. #1
    kohyoongliat is offline Senior Member
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    Default short passage

    The following passage is meant for year 2 students. Please edit it for me. Any suggestions to improve the passage are welcome. Thanks in advance.

    Last Friday morning, Isaac was sleeping soundly. The alarm clock rang. He switched off the alarm and told himself that he would wake up five minutes later. When he finally woke up, he looked at the clock. It was 7 o’clock. He would be late for school.
    He quickly brushed his teeth and changed into his school uniform and, with his school bag slung over his shoulder, rushed to the bus stop. He had no time for breakfast. Soon he saw the bus he had to take moving towards the bus stop. He ran quickly, but he missed it. So he decided to run to school, as his school was not far away. After he ran for a short while, it started to rain. Poor Isaac! He was drenched all through. When he reached the school, he was scolded by his form teacher for being late.
    Isaac had learnt a lesson. He decided that he would not go to bed late any more.

  2. #2
    svartnik is offline Banned
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    Default Re: short passage

    Quote Originally Posted by kohyoongliat View Post
    The following passage is meant for year 2 students. Please edit it for me. Any suggestions to improve the passage are welcome. Thanks in advance.

    Last Friday morning, Isaac was sleeping soundly. The alarm clock rang. He switched off the alarm and told himself that he would wake up five minutes later. When he finally did so, he looked at the clock. It was 7 o’clock. He was going to be late for school.
    He quickly brushed his teeth and changed into his school uniform, and with his school bag slung over his shoulder rushed to the bus stop. He had no time for breakfast. Soon he saw the bus he had to take moving towards the bus stop. He ran quickly, but he missed it. So he decided to run to school, as his school was not far away. After he ran for a short while, it started to rain. Poor Isaac! He was drenched all through. When he reached the school, he was scolded by his form teacher for being late.
    Isaac had learnt a lesson. He decided that he would not go to bed late any more.
    I did not recognize any glaring grammatical mistakes.

  3. #3
    MrPedantic is offline Moderator
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    Default Re: short passage

    Hello KYL

    As a footnote to Svart's suggestions:

    1. After he ran for a short while → After he had been running for a short while

    2. He was drenched all through → He was drenched through

    3. Isaac had learnt a lesson. He decided that he would not go to bed late any more. ] This is grammatically fine; but it might be more in keeping with the story to say "He decided that he would not have any more lie-ins."

    All the best,

    MrP

  4. #4
    kohyoongliat is offline Senior Member
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    Default Re: short passage

    Thanks for the replies.

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