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  1. #1
    Super Sonic is offline Member
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    Default Please proofread my application letter to the US Embassy

    Q-Please attach a personal statement (no more than one page) that outlines why you would
    like to participate in this program. Indicate why you feel this program would be useful in
    your future career path and in your current capacity as a student leader.




    A-The first reason why I would like to participate in this program is that I want to broaden my horizons by learning the culture of another country. The fact that the country in question is the United States makes it easier for me to enjoy this program, because my field in university, Linguistics, necessitates that I be in an English-speaking country at least once in order to grasp the language better. And, as a linguist, I wish to keep in touch with the United States so that I can contribute to both of the countries. The seminar discussions, readings, presentations and lectures will not only improve my English and general knowledge, but they will also help me overcome anxiety during such business tasks as making a speech and working together with peers. Besides, I am interested in the history of America, which I hope to understand better by participating in this program.
    The second one is that I have a leader’s spirit within me. I have enjoyed leading my friends, parents and other people since I was little. My friends say that they like my leadership skills, because I lead them to where they really want to go. Therefore, some of my friends told me that I would do quite well in this program. They are right; I trust myself that I would represent Turkey in the United States well and become a good student leader. I also think that I will make good friends in the United States. 03/03/2007
    I think it is too short, so what could you recommend me to write?
    Last edited by Super Sonic; 04-Mar-2007 at 21:38.

  2. #2
    Tdol is offline Editor, UsingEnglish.com
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    Default Re: Please proofread my application letter to the US Embassy

    I have enjoyed leading my friends, parents- pareents?????????????
    My friends say that they like my leadership skills, because I lead them to where they really want to go.- This strikes me as a bit weak- if you're taking them where they want to go is thatdisplaying much leadership? If when they got there they then realised that this was where they wanted to be, but hadn't known earlier, then it might be better.

  3. #3
    Super Sonic is offline Member
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    Default Re: Please proofread my application letter to the US Embassy

    I know some of the sentences look and sound ridiculous. Could you help me paraphrase them?

  4. #4
    Tdol is offline Editor, UsingEnglish.com
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    Default Re: Please proofread my application letter to the US Embassy

    I am not sure about saying that you led your parents; it sounds a biut excessive as most people would say that their parents brought them up. I'd consider deleting the reference to them. With leading your friends, maybe an example would be better- what position or what have you done that showed leadership?

  5. #5
    Super Sonic is offline Member
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    Default Re: Please proofread my application letter to the US Embassy

    OK, I've seen to it. Thanks for your concern.

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