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Thread: Editing

  1. #1
    asad hussain is offline Member
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    Default Editing

    Dear Teachers,
    Please have a look at the following two texts for mistakes.
    Summary
    To escape failure, boredom, and lonliness, a young boy named Lennie plunges with all his imagination into the world of television. His love of watching television and daydreaming has him ignoring his school work. In one of his daydream, his is on a game show called "Give it a Spin". He has won three thousand dollars in cash, merchandise and a chance to spin the vacation wheel. There are twenty all-expenses paid vacations, and three zonk trips on the wheel. Lennie steps up close to the vacation wheel, and give it a spin. He unfortunately lands on number thirteen, one of the zonk trips. The host tells him that he has to spend one night in a hanuted house. Lennie tries to turn down the zonk trip, but the host reminds him of the contract he signed with them, and tells him if he survives, he will be given one more chance of spinning the vacation wheel. Lennie asks the host if he can take the cash and merchandise and, go home.The host then takes the audience poll, which all shows they want him to go to the haunted house. The host at this juncture takes a commercial break, and asks the viewers to stay with them.

    Ending
    Lennie's obsession with television doesn't stop -- and gets him into more trouble than he can handle on his own.His daydreams lead him into a real situation that could cost him his life - and suddenly he is in trouble more terrifying and dangerous than anything he's ever seen on TV. When he enters the house, he gets bitten by a rattlesnake. He tries to call someone for help, but falls unconscious to the ground. When he opens his eyes he finds himself in a hospital. The doctor says every thing is fine now. He suddenly hears his mother trying to wake him up. After coming back from the creepy reverie, he sees two teeth marks on his right leg, and vows that will try to get rid of this bad habbit of his.


    Thanks a lot in advance.

  2. #2
    Tdol is offline Editor, UsingEnglish.com
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    Default Re: Editing

    In one of his daydream- plural
    his is on- he
    more chance of spinning- I'd use 'at'
    and, go home- no comma
    The host at this juncture takes a commercial break- goes to
    habbit - spelling

  3. #3
    asad hussain is offline Member
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    Default Re: Editing

    Dear Richard,
    Many thanks for taking some time out, and helping me. I am so thankful to you.

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