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  1. #1
    XYZ is offline Junior Member
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    Red face Giving advice (Please helpm me check!)

    Here is another letter for FCE. Could somebode correct this? What mark can I expect for this letter?

    As part of my studies, I have to write about places of historical interest in a foreign country. When I come to stay with you, Iíd like to visit some important historical sights. What do you think are the best places to see? How many places do you think I can visit in 10 days?



    Dear Kate,

    Thanks for your letter! It was great to hear all your news. Iím really glad youíre going to visit me this year!

    If you want to see the most important historical places in my city, Iíd recommend you to go the Kremlin and the Red Square in the center of Moscow. Thereíre lots of museums, churches, cathedrals and youíll find out some interesting facts about the royal family, which lived and ruled there.

    You asked me how many places you could visit in 10 days. Actually, all of them because they are close to each other. If I were you Iíd spend 2 or 3 days in the Kremlinís museums and several hours wandering around the Red Square, so donít forget to bring your camera and take some pictures.


    I hope that youíll find these places useful for your studies. If you want to know anything else, just drop me a line.


    Best wishes,
    Peter.

  2. #2
    Tdol is offline Editor, UsingEnglish.com
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    Default Re: Giving advice (Please helpm me check!)

    which lived and ruled there- I'd use 'who' unless there were many royal familes and only one of them lived there
    Exclamation marks- I see no need for them here. I would generally advise against using them much. Someone said that an exclamation mark is like someone laughing at their own jokes. Let the reader decide what is surprising. If you can't provide a concrete reason for using them, then cut them. In the first sentence, you might use an exclamation mark if it was the first letter for many years. It doesn't really intensify the 'thanks'.

    In terms of a grade; it does the job and has very few mistakes, so it would pass. The layout/format is fine and the structure OK.

    However, what mark would you give this for vocab? There's nothing in there that grabs my attention. It's sound and reads well enough, but I think you could jazz it up a bit to get into the top band. I wouldn't give this a grade A, but I think you could get there.

  3. #3
    XYZ is offline Junior Member
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    Default Re: Giving advice (Please helpm me check!)

    Quote Originally Posted by Tdol View Post
    which lived and ruled there- I'd use 'who' unless there were many royal familes and only one of them lived there
    Exclamation marks- I see no need for them here. I would generally advise against using them much. Someone said that an exclamation mark is like someone laughing at their own jokes. Let the reader decide what is surprising. If you can't provide a concrete reason for using them, then cut them. In the first sentence, you might use an exclamation mark if it was the first letter for many years. It doesn't really intensify the 'thanks'.

    In terms of a grade; it does the job and has very few mistakes, so it would pass. The layout/format is fine and the structure OK.

    However, what mark would you give this for vocab? There's nothing in there that grabs my attention. It's sound and reads well enough, but I think you could jazz it up a bit to get into the top band. I wouldn't give this a grade A, but I think you could get there.

    Iíve taken your advice and tried to liven up my letter. Iíve used some adjectives and phrases to do that but Iím still not sure about the result. Take a look at this and tell me what it looks like. Is it enough for grade A if it is not what else do I need to do? Thank you very much.



    Dear Kate,

    Thanks for your letter! It was great to hear all your news. Iím really happy that youíre going to come to see me this year.

    If you want to see the most significant historical places in my city, Iíd recommend you to go the Kremlin and the Red Square in the center of Moscow. As people say this is the heart or Russia. Thereíre lots of museums, impressive churches and cathedrals and youíll find out some amazing facts about the royal family, who lived and ruled there.

    You asked me how many places you could visit in 10 days. Actually, all of them because they are close to each other. If I were you Iíd spend 2 or 3 days in the Kremlinís museums and several hours wandering around the Red Square, so donít forget to bring your camera and take some lovely pictures of the sights.

    I hope that youíll find these places useful for your studies. If you want to know anything else, just drop me a line.


    Best wishes,

    Peter.




  4. #4
    Tdol is offline Editor, UsingEnglish.com
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    Default Re: Giving advice (Please helpm me check!)

    As people say this is the heart or Russia- As people say, this is the heart of Russia

  5. #5
    XYZ is offline Junior Member
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    Default Re: Giving advice (Please helpm me check!)

    Quote Originally Posted by Tdol View Post
    As people say this is the heart or Russia- As people say, this is the heart of Russia
    THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

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