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  1. #1
    XYZ is offline Junior Member
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    Default Describing an object (PLZ check this)

    Thank you Tdol for your useful advice and help.

    There is an extract from a letter (FCE exam practice) and my answer to this. Please correct my letter. Is the letter good enough for a grade A (FCE), if it is not, what do I need to improve in the letter? Strong or week points? (Structure, vocabulary, content etc)

    As I havenít heard from you for ages, I thought Iíd write and ask you your news. What have you been doing? You said you were going to buy a new TV, or a new bicycle. What did you buy? Why? Whatís it like? Iíd love to hear all about it.

    Dear Peter,

    Thanks for you letter. Iím sorry I havenít written for so long, but because Iíve been doing my English course and havenít had time for anything else.

    Now for my news. I went on my holiday in Turkey, where I spent two amazing weeks. Every day I went to the sea for a swim and played volleyball on the beach. Iíve got a really good tan and rested very well.

    Finally, I decided on a new TV rather than a new bicycle. Itís a smart, high-tech, black TV with a lot of settings, a remote control and wide screen. As a result, I can watch my favorite ďFriendsĒ and soccer whenever I want.

    Well, thatís all my news. Please write to me again soon and tell me all your news.


    Best wishes,

    Oleg.


  2. #2
    Tdol is offline Editor, UsingEnglish.com
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    Default Re: Describing an object (PLZ check this)

    I’ve got a really good tan and rested very well.- I'd either reverse the prder os these or change the first verb to the past tense.

    with a lot of settings, a remote control- this bit could be deleted, as I haven't seen a high-tech TV without either of these for many years. That would give you a few more words.
    on a new TV rather than a new bicycle- again, as they gave you the information about the choice, you don't need to say the rejected choice

    Getting rid of unnecessary information would free you up to add some more of your own writing, which would enable you to show your command of English off more. It's a good letter and does the task.

  3. #3
    XYZ is offline Junior Member
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    Default Re: Describing an object (PLZ check this)

    Quote Originally Posted by Tdol View Post
    Iíve got a really good tan and rested very well.- I'd either reverse the prder os these or change the first verb to the past tense.

    with a lot of settings, a remote control- this bit could be deleted, as I haven't seen a high-tech TV without either of these for many years. That would give you a few more words.
    on a new TV rather than a new bicycle- again, as they gave you the information about the choice, you don't need to say the rejected choice

    Getting rid of unnecessary information would free you up to add some more of your own writing, which would enable you to show your command of English off more. It's a good letter and does the task.


    Iíve taken your advice and revised the letter. Are there any mistakes? Please check the letter?

    Dear Peter,

    Thanks for you letter. Iím sorry I havenít written for so long, but because Iíve been doing my English course and havenít had time for anything else.

    Now for my news. I went on my holiday in Turkey, where I spent two amazing weeks. The sea was very clean and wonderful. Every day I went for a swim and played volleyball on the beach. I rested very well and got a really good tan.

    Finally, I decided on a new TV rather than a new bicycle. Itís a smart, small, black TV with all necessary settings and a remote control. Iíve placed it in the kitchen and as a result, I can watch and enjoy my favorite ďFriendsĒ and soccer there and donít disturb my children while theyíre asleep in the bedroom.

    Well, thatís all my news. Please write to me again soon and tell me all your news.


    Best wishes,

    Peter.




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