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  1. #1
    asad hussain is offline Member
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    Please help me edit the text!!!

    Dear teachers,
    Could you please help me edit the text below? I have highlighted the places where I am confused. Could you please give me hand with this?

    The children differ from the poet in several ways/respects? . Their thoughts are as innocent and nonchalant as the birds, which glide carelessly in the sky at dawn, singing soft and mellow tunes. In their hearts "are the birds and the sunshine”, and in their thoughts "the brooklet's flow”, which imply that they are in the springs of their lives. , while the poet is in the grips? of many/various? troubles, and in his heart and thoughts “is the wind of Autumn, and the first fall of the snow.”, which suggest that he has grown old and fragile, and is in the autumn of his life. Moreover Adults are weighed down with [learning, business, finances, rules, politics] (which word in the list is one man odd? )etc. (contrivings and books), while children are playful, happy, and don't judge others.

  2. #2
    Tdol is offline Editor, UsingEnglish.com
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    Re: Please help me edit the text!!!

    1 Either, but 'ways' sound more natural to me.
    2 grip...many
    3 Probably 'learning'
    4 Contrivings??? If this is part of the list, why not use 'scheming'

  3. #3
    asad hussain is offline Member
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    Re: Please help me edit the text!!!

    Oh! Thanks a million million, Richard.

    4. OK. Do I only use "scheming", or substitute it for 'learning", or just add it to the list?

    By the way the "contrivings" is part of the poem/list.

  4. #4
    asad hussain is offline Member
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    Re: Please help me edit the text!!!

    Could someone please give me a hand with this?

  5. #5
    Tdol is offline Editor, UsingEnglish.com
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    Re: Please help me edit the text!!!

    Write out in full what you're suggesting- the order is not clear to me.

  6. #6
    asad hussain is offline Member
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    Re: Please help me edit the text!!!

    OK. But first of all thanks a trillion for helping me on a regular basis.

    Now, let me put it this way:

    Which one of the following lists am I supposed to use?


    A. Learning, business, finances, rules, politics.
    B. Learning, business, finances, rules, politics, scheming (which you have
    suggested me)
    C. Scheming, business, finances, rules, politics.
    D. or only "scheming"

  7. #7
    asad hussain is offline Member
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    Re: Please help me edit the text!!!

    Could you help me with one more thing? Someone has told me " in the grip of many troubles" is not quite right. And "Preoccupied with many troubles" will look better. Could you please give me your suggestion?

    I really appreciate your suggestions.

    Many many many many many many many many many many thanks once again.

  8. #8
    Tdol is offline Editor, UsingEnglish.com
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    Re: Please help me edit the text!!!

    If they are learning all these things (finance, etc) then there should be no comma after it: learning business, finance etc

  9. #9
    asad hussain is offline Member
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    Re: Please help me edit the text!!!

    Dearest Tdol,
    I am sorry – I think I was a bit unclear. Actually it’s an answer to a question related to a poem. I have put the poem in the forum several times before. It’s Children by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow. For your convenience, I am putting it down at the end of this post too. And also the question

    Someone told me that ‘rules’ seems the odd one out. You told me it’s “learning”, and suggested using “scheming”. Now I am of lots of minds. I am cofused what to put in the list, and what to leave out.

    By the way, I just listed the things that weigh adults down, not wrote prose.

    I think you can get it by going through the poem and the answer.

    And please please also help me with making the right choice between – “in the grip of many troubles” and “preoccupied with many troubles”.

    Children Henry Wadsworth Longfellow


    Come to me, O ye children!
    For I hear you at your play,
    And the questions that perplexed me
    Have vanished quite away.

    Ye open the eastern windows,
    That look towards the sun,
    Where thoughts are singing swallows
    And the brooks of morning run.


    In your hearts are the birds and the sunshine,
    In your thoughts the brooklet's flow,
    But in mine is the wind of Autumn
    And the first fall of the snow.

    Ah! what would the world be to us
    If the children were no more?
    We should dread the desert behind us
    Worse than the dark before.

    What the leaves are to the forest,
    With light and air for food,
    Ere their sweet and tender juices
    Have been hardened into wood, --

    That to the world are children;
    Through them it feels the glow
    Of a brighter and sunnier climate
    Than reaches the trunks below.

    Come to me, O ye children!
    And whisper in my ear

    What the birds and the winds are singing
    In your sunny atmosphere.

    For what are all our contrivings,
    And the wisdom of our books,
    When compared with your caresses,
    And the gladness of your looks?

    Ye are better than all the ballads
    That ever were sung or said;
    For ye are living poems,
    And all the rest are dead.

    Here's the question

    How are the children different from the poet?



    Thanks a trillion trillion. You can't even imagine how thankful I am to you. Thanks a lot!!!

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