Results 1 to 2 of 2
  1. #1
    esophea is offline Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Student or Learner
      • Native Language:
      • Cambodian
      • Home Country:
      • Cambodia
      • Current Location:
      • Cambodia
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Posts
    115
    Post Thanks / Like

    Angry Urgently edit my paragraph

    Could anyone help edit my below parapgraph? and anyone have the idea to conclude this paragraph?

    Another important discovery is the electronic devices. Currently, electronic devices such as Computer, PDA, mobile phone, electronic dictionary, tape recorder, digital camera, and many others are considered to be the significant things that bolster students’ learning as well. These products can help them store, edit, copy, delete and quickly record information or activities in class and they can be kept for a long time without becoming fragile. What is more important is that they are available for students to have access not only at a certain place but also at anywhere and anytime. For instance, many electronic dictionaries are included with the special programs, which allow students to look for structure and grammar explanations, practice exercises, play games, and read the world’s information. Therefore, the special features of these products provide students with many opportunities to improve their learning process.
    Besides the Internet and electronic devices, computer software is also considered as another beneficial discovery. To bring powerful uses on the electronic equipments, many programmers have created a great deal of amazing software, which is more vital for students to learn more information. The software allows learners to interact more closely with their work. For example, once computer software such as Microsoft Encarta, Microsoft student, Britannica or Encyclopedia is installed, the rapid ways to get more information is faster. Simplify, they just type related words or phrases on the screen of their computers they immediately receive what they are looking for. Hence, for students, the electronic devices integrating with the software are necessarily needed to find out more information and effectively quicken their learning process.

  2. #2
    Anglika is offline No Longer With Us
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    19,448
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Re: Urgently edit my paragraph

    Quote Originally Posted by esophea View Post
    Could anyone help edit my below parapgraph? and anyone have the idea to conclude this paragraph?

    Another important discovery is the electronic devices [1: development would be better than discovery. 2: The two should agree in number]. Currently, electronic devices such as Computer, PDA, mobile phone, electronic dictionary, tape recorder, digital camera, and many others are considered to be the significant things that bolster students’ learning as well. These products can help them store, edit, copy, delete and quickly record information or activities in class and they can be kept for a long time without becoming fragile. What is more important is that they are available for students to have access not only at a certain place but also at [omit] anywhere and insert "at" any time[Confusion of thought here - I would omit the reference to "a certain place" and just leave the anywhere/at any time reference]. For instance, many electronic dictionaries are included with the special programs, which allow students to look for structure and grammar explanations, practice exercises, play games, and read the world’s information. Therefore, the special features of these products provide students with many opportunities to improve their learning process.
    Besides the Internet and electronic devices, computer software is also considered as another beneficial discovery [development]. To bring powerful uses on the electronic equipments, many programmers have created a great deal of amazing software, which is more vital for students to learn more information. The software [it would read better if you remove this and run straight on into>>]allows learners to interact more closely with their work. For example, once computer software such as Microsoft Encarta, Microsoft student, Britannica or Encyclopedia is installed, the rapid ways to get more information is faster [Do you perhaps mean that they have increased?]. Simplify [check the meaning of this word in your dictionary], they just type related words or phrases on the screen of their computers and they immediately receive what they are looking for. Hence, for students, the [omit] electronic devices integrated with the software are necessary needed [omit]to find out more [omit] information rapidly and thus effectively quicken their learning process.

Similar Threads

  1. Plz help edit my paragraph
    By esophea in forum Editing & Writing Topics
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 14-May-2007, 07:57
  2. Would you kindly edit my paragraph, please?
    By frostyfreeze in forum Editing & Writing Topics
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 26-Feb-2007, 07:56
  3. Please help edit my paragraph
    By esophea in forum Editing & Writing Topics
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 29-Jan-2007, 17:02
  4. Edit my Paragraph please
    By esophea in forum Editing & Writing Topics
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 27-Jan-2007, 10:00
  5. please help edit my paragraph
    By esophea in forum Editing & Writing Topics
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 02-Jan-2007, 11:33

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
Hotchalk