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  1. #1
    Join Date
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    Default Please edit my essay.

    "In twenty years, we will be living in a better world. Progress is something that cannot be stopped." Agree or disagree.

    I agree with this statement. To begin with, I need to make a clear


    viewpoint of what I think a better world is needed. The better world


    must consists of well-developed civilizations and high technologies.


    It is no doubt that these two requirements are still proceeding; indeed,


    they are something can not be stopped.




    First, in twenty years, most of communities and countries will be


    well civilized. It is obviously that such a proceeding is unstoppable; for


    example, during the past few years, the world's agricultural industry


    has significantly improved, nor to mention the population densities. The


    Agricultural Departments, which have investigated a variety of tools for


    farming usages, have provided them to the farmers.




    Last, in twenty years, the world's technology developments will


    approach to their high, or reach to a breaking point. Growing speed of


    computer technology for an example, the techniques of software


    programming, webpage designing, internet accessing and windows


    developing have grown dramatically. Another example, after the


    astronaut, Armstrong, conquered the moon, the United States has


    been setting their target on the Mars, and a spaceship will be sent


    within twenty years!




    In conclusion, civilizations and technologies are what make a better


    world; although the developing process on both elements have their


    advantages as well as their disadvantages, the developments can no


    be stopped.

    THANKS!

  2. #2
    aous02 is offline Member
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    Red face Re: Please edit my essay.

    "In twenty years, we will be living in a better world. Progress is something that cannot be stopped." Agree or disagree.

    I agree with this statement. To begin with, I need to make a clear

    viewpoint of (I think it should be "on") what I think a better world needs. A better world

    must consists of well-developed civilizations and high technologies.

    It is no doubt that these two requirements are still proceeding; indeed,

    they are something we can't stop.



    First, in twenty years, most of communities and countries will be

    well civilized. It is obviously that such a process is unstoppable; for

    example, during the past few years, the world's agricultural industry

    has significantly improved, not to mention the population densities. The

    Agricultural Departments, which have investigated a variety of tools for

    farming usages, have provided them to the farmers.



    Last, in twenty years, the world's technology developments will

    approach to their high, or reach to ( we say "to rech something" not "to reach to something") a breaking point. The Growing speed of

    computer technology for an example, the techniques of software

    programming, webpage designing, internet accessing and windows

    developing have grown dramatically. Another example, after the

    astronaut, Armstrong, conquered the moon, the United States has

    been setting their target on the Mars, and a spaceship will be sent

    within twenty years!



    In conclusion, civilizations and technologies are what make a better

    world; although the developing process on both elements have ( the verb here refers to the "process of developing". It should be singular "has") their

    advantages as well as their disadvantages, the developments can not

    be stopped.



    I didn't correct all the mistakes.
    A teacher or a native speaker can help you better.

  3. #3
    Join Date
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    Default Re: Please edit my essay.

    Thanks for the corrections, Aous02.

  4. #4
    aous02 is offline Member
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      • Tunisia
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    Wink Re: Please edit my essay.

    You are most welcome.

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