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  1. #1
    pure_bliss is offline Newbie
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    Default Please edit my cover letter

    Lily Chen
    XXXXX Ave
    Edmonton, AB, XXXXX
    May 22, 2007


    To whomever this may concern:


    My name is Lily Chen and I am currently attending the Business Administration Program at the Northern Institute of Technology. I am inquiring about any teller positions you may have available. I believe my education, experience and employment background provides me with the skills needed to fulfill this position.


    TD Canada Trust has many diverse employees and very advanced training systems in the company, it is definitely a great attraction for me. The opportunities your company offers will allow me to continue to grow from my experience. I feel I am well qualified for this position. I have obtained a solid academic education and learned the value of excellent customer service from past experiences. Working as waitress and cashier has given me training in handling transaction with a high level of accuracy, customer service and organizational skills.


    I would be very interested in setting an appointment with you to further discuss my qualifications as well as to learn more about the intricacies of TD Canada Trust. I would appreciate your time in reviewing my enclosed resume and if there is any additional information you require, please contact me. Thank you for your time and consideration.


    Sincerely,
    Lily Chen
    ________________________________________________


    Thanks!!
    Last edited by pure_bliss; 22-May-2007 at 23:11.

  2. #2
    Tdol is offline Editor, UsingEnglish.com
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    Default Re: Please edit my cover letter

    To whomever this may concern:- Use Dear + name or Dear Sir or Madam
    provides- provide
    n the company- delete and use a semi-colon there
    will allow- would
    transaction - plural
    about the intricacies of - about TD...

  3. #3
    pure_bliss is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: Please edit my cover letter

    Thank you!!

  4. #4
    chum is offline Member
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    Default Re: Please edit my cover letter

    "I am currently working"... I read that using "currently" there is redundant since you are using the present progressive tense already.

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Please edit my cover letter

    Address it to a live body. Steer clear of generalities -- get specific. Don't play the diversity card and don't mention their training programs -- it all speaks to your inexperience in the industry. Also, stay away from words/phrases that are too soft, like "I believe..." and "I would be very interested." Use a comma before the word "service" and the word "and" in last line - second paragraph. Better than a lot of covers I've seen, but strengthen and tighten it up.

  6. #6
    RonBee's Avatar
    RonBee is offline Moderator
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    Default Re: Please edit my cover letter

    Re:
    I have obtained a solid academic education and learned the value of excellent customer service from past experiences.
    Better:
    I have obtained a solid academic education and experience has taught me the value of excellent customer service.
    Please don't say past experience or past experiences.

    ~R

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