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  1. #1
    kohyoongliat is offline Senior Member
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    Default editing of passage

    Could someone please edit the passage for me? Thanks in advance.

    If you itch after a mosquito bites you, you must be allergic to the liquid the mosquito puts under your skin. Only female mosquitoes bite. When she bites you, she pricks your skin with a long, thin part of her mouth. Then she sucks some of your blood for food.

    The mosquito has a special liquid in her mouth to keep your blood thin and easy to suck. Some of this liquid gets under your skin. It causes the bite to swell and the person bitten to itch if he or she is allergic to the liquid. Some people are not allergic to mosquito bites and so they do not itch after a mosquito has bitten them. In fact, they may be unaware that they have been bitten.

  2. #2
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    Default Re: editing of passage

    I edited this for you. I only found 3 small mistakes.

    If you itch after a mosquito bite, you must be allergic to the liquid the mosquito puts under your skin. Only female mosquitoes bite. When she bites , she pricks your skin with a long, thin part of her mouth. Then she sucks some of your blood for food.

    The mosquito has a special liquid in her mouth to keep your blood thin and easy to suck. Some of this liquid gets under your skin. It causes the bite to swell and the person bitten to itch, if he or she is allergic to the liquid. Some people are not allergic to mosquito bites and so they do not itch after a mosquito has bitten them. In fact, they may be unaware that they have been bitten.

  3. #3
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    Default Re: editing of passage

    At first, "condition sentence" I thought you should use "will or would". As it will happen in the future so I may rewrite:

    "If you itch after a mosquito bites you,you will be . . . . ."

    second, "when she bites you, . . . ." this sentence may ok, but better if

    you chance to adverse clause: "when biting you, she pricks . . ."

    next, "The mosquito has special liquid . . ." liquid is uncount noun so no article.

    Easy is adjective and adjective only modifiies noun. In this sentence you

    should use "easily to such . ." adverse modifies verb.

    I thought that all I could try.
    Good luck

  4. #4
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    Barb_D is online now Moderator
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    Default Re: editing of passage

    I can find nothing wrong with your original at all. You can omit the "you" as shown by lmontdwalt, but you don't have to, nor is the comma necessary before "if" (although it is not wrong to include it).

    Namthao, I'm sorry, but none of your corrections are correct, except "when biting you," which could be correct but in my opinion, is not as good as the original.

    she has liquid, but she has a special type of liquid.
    It make is easy to suck. Like "easy to use."

  5. #5
    kohyoongliat is offline Senior Member
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    Default Re: editing of passage

    Thanks, Barb_D.

    Best wishes

  6. #6
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    Default Re: editing of passage

    And after reading your essay again, I feel itchy! :)

  7. #7
    kohyoongliat is offline Senior Member
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    Default Re: editing of passage

    I hope you've not contracted dengue. You'd better see a doctor.

  8. #8
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    Default Re: editing of passage

    Only female mosquitoes bite. When she bites you, she pricks your skin with a long, thin part of her mouth.

    You have a plural noun - mosquitoes - but then you are using singular pronouns she and her.

    You can either make the noun singular - 'only the female mosquito bites' - or change all the following pronouns to plural they or their.


    I guess this passage is written for children?

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