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  1. #1
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    Default could somebody check this out please?

    Describe a situation that has turned out differently from what you expected.
    - A friend relationship

    The most exciting years in my life were in college, where I met my best friends. Some of them last and some of them has gone to the oblivion. I started my first year in college with a brand new friendship. I got along with people whom I've never met before. I was so anxious with new buddies. I thought we would share everything together good and bad. I didn't think for a moment that our friendship would end up as easy as it ended. Well, at first we were like two brothers studying together, commuting together and even writing homework together. I used to wait for him if he was late, and I used to write the lectures for him if he missed any, and so did he. His chair used to be in the front and my chair too, right beside his. There were no secrets among us. In fact, he would tell me anything he faced in the daily basis and so would I.
    This intimate relationship hadn't last too long before a competition erupted between me and him. Yes, the competition. He used to be the smartest student in the class with no rivals at all, but I didn’t, I admit that. Let's do some confessions, He was brilliant, intelligent and obvious, that is why I chose him as a friend. I learned a lot from him, one of the things I learned is to be always on the front. That is what he didn't like, because the front can't accept more than one, either me or him. When he used to see me studying hard and achieving higher grades than his, he wouldn’t even say anything more than grinding his teeth. I didn't believe what I was going through, my best friend became on the other side! Things got worse after I had preceded him and I got the first position in the class. At this point, the communication between us almost died. I was very devastated and disappointed I hoped he would be my friend forever, but it turned out that he was just a chapter of my life book and it’s been closed.
    Last edited by a_k_m; 08-Jun-2007 at 14:24.

  2. #2
    Anglika is offline No Longer With Us
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    Default Re: could somebody check this out please?

    Quote Originally Posted by a_k_m View Post
    Describe a situation that has turned out differently from what you expected.
    - A friend relationship

    The most exciting years in my life were in college, where I met my best friends. Some of them last and some of them has gone to the oblivion. I started my first year in college with a brand new friendship. I got along with people whom I've never met before. I was so anxious with new buddies. I thought we would share everything together good and bad. I didn't think for a moment that our friendship would end up as easy as it ended. Well, at first we were like two brothers studying together, commuting together and even writing homework together. I used to wait for him if he was late, and I used to write the lectures for him if he missed any, and so did he. His chair used to be in the front and my chair too, right beside his. There were no secrets among us. In fact, he would tell me anything he faced in the daily basis and so would I.
    This intimate relationship hadn't last too long before a competition erupted between me and him. Yes, the competition. He used to be the smartest student in the class with no rivals at all, but I didn’t, I admit that. Let's do some confessions, He was brilliant, intelligent and obvious, that is why I chose him as a friend. I learned a lot from him, one of the things I learned is to be always on the front. That is what he didn't like, because the front can't accept more than one, either me or him. When he used to see me studying hard and achieving higher grades than his, he wouldn’t even say anything more than grinding his teeth. I didn't believe what I was going through, my best friend became on the other side! Things got worse after I had preceded him and I got the first position in the class. At this point, the communication between us almost died. I was very devastated and disappointed I hoped he would be my friend forever, but it turned out that he was just a chapter of my life book and it’s been closed.
    Welcome to the forums! I hope we will be able to help you. However, the highlighted bits need correction.

  3. #3
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    Default Re: could somebody check this out please?

    Thank you very much Anglika. Yes you will, you are a very big help .
    You really impressed me. Honestly, I wouldn't expect this response at anywhere in the net.
    I'm going to correct the mistakes and post it again. I hope you find a time then to see it. Best regards to you.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: could somebody check this out please?

    Hi, this is me again. This time I came up with corrections, I hope the're correct, what do you think?


    The most exciting years in my life were in college, where I met my best friends. Some of them lasted and some of them have gone to oblivion. My first year in college came with a brand new friendship. I got along with people I've never met before. Although I am usually anxious with new relationships, I had hope that we would share everything whether it was good or bad. I didn't think for a moment that our friendship would end up very simply. Well, at first we were like two brothers studying together, commuting together and even writing homework together. I used to wait for him if he was late, and I used to write the lectures for him if he missed any, and so did he. His chair used to be in the front and my chair too, right beside his. Nothing called secret existed between us. In fact, he would tell me anything he faced every day and so would I.
    This relationship hadn't lasted too long before a competition erupted between me and him. Yes, the competition. He used to be the smartest student in the class with no rivals at all, but I didnít, I admit that. Let's do some confessions, He was brilliant, intelligent and bold, that is why I chose him as a friend. I learned a lot from him, one of the things I learned is to be always the first. That is what he didn't like, because being the first can't accept more than one, either me or him. When he used to see me studying hard and achieving higher grades than his, he wouldnít even say anything but gritting his teeth in silent fury. I didn't believe what I was going through; my best friend is not the best anymore! Things got worse after I had passed him and I got the first position in the class. At this point, the communication between us almost died. I was very devastated and disappointed I hoped he would be my friend forever, but it turned out that he was just a chapter of my life book and itís been closed.

  5. #5
    Anglika is offline No Longer With Us
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    Default Re: could somebody check this out please?

    Quote Originally Posted by a_k_m View Post
    Hi, this is me again. This time I came up with corrections, I hope they're correct, what do you think?
    Looking good - but there are some tweakings you need to do:

    Let's me make some confessions. He

    because being the first can't accept more than one, No, meaningless; try = because only one person can be first

    but grit his teeth in silent fury.

    my best friend is not my friend any more

    Things got worse after I had passed him and I got the first position in the class Avoid using this twice in the same sentence. Alternative words: became/grew/were reached/achieved/won/seized




  6. #6
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    Default Re: could somebody check this out please?

    Here is the last revised version, after doing the corrections you suggested.
    I was sceptical about the points you mentioned, thank you for pointing them out .
    but I still have one thing need to be demystified, wich is,
    what is correct:
    Let's me make some confessions
    or
    Let's make some confessions
    because Let's is a contraction of let us, isn't it? so , can I say let us me make some confessions, as you mentioned? can you elaborate this point please?

    The most exciting years in my life were in college, where I met my best friends. Some of them lasted and some of them have gone to oblivion. My first year in college came with a brand new friendship. I got along with people I've never met before. Although I am usually anxious with new relationships, I had hope that we would share everything whether it was good or bad. I didn't think for a moment that our friendship would end up very simply. Well, at first we were like two brothers studying together, commuting together and even writing homework together. I used to wait for him if he was late, and I used to write the lectures for him if he missed any, and so did he. His chair used to be in the front and my chair too, right beside his. Nothing called secret existed between us. In fact, he would tell me anything he faced every day and so would I.
    This relationship hadn't lasted too long before a competition erupted between me and him. Yes, the competition. He used to be the smartest student in the class with no rivals at all, but I didnít, I admit that. Let me make some confessions, He was brilliant, intelligent and bold, that is why I chose him as a friend. I learned a lot from him, one of the things I learned is to be always the first. That is what he didn't like, because only one person can be first, either me or him. When he used to see me studying hard and achieving higher grades than his, he wouldnít even say anything but grit his teeth in silent fury. I didn't believe what I was going through; my best friend is not my friend anymore! Things got worse after I had passed him and I seized the first position in the class. At this point, the communication between us almost died. I was very devastated and disappointed I hoped he would be my friend forever, but it turned out that he was just a chapter of my life book and itís been closed.

  7. #7
    Anglika is offline No Longer With Us
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    Default Re: could somebody check this out please?

    Let me make some confessions

    Firstly - an apology - I didn't check my typing carefully. I should have typed "Let me make a confession."

    You are absolutely right - "Let's" = "Let us" - but it is only you who are confessing so it has to be "Let me"

    Secondly - apart from that, it looks good.

  8. #8
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    Default Re: could somebody check this out please?

    You have no idea how grateful I'am. Thank you very much Anglika, and see you in a new post.

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