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  1. #1
    Tangerine's Avatar
    Tangerine is offline Junior Member
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    Thumbs up Could you help me with my writing?

    A good example to consider is the Fathers’ day commercial of Jumbo supermarkets that advertises a set of t-shirts for fathers and sons. In this television advertise we see a man driving his son to a school ball, later surprisingly, the kid request his father to drive him to the entrance of the school and finally, before leaving he hugs him goodbye. On the pavement, all his school mates stare at this unusual behaviour in amazement and suddenly, they start applauding him. The boy, feeling great pride of his action, jumps in the air and finally, we listen to a voice-over saying that there are no possibilities that something of the sort happens to an ordinary father. However, sons and fathers can always share nice t-shirts.




    I believe there are many mistakes in here, but i cant find them :/
    Any comments on my grammar mistakes will be more than appreciated.
    Thanks in advanced! :)
    Last edited by Tangerine; 12-Jun-2007 at 20:12. Reason: i forgot sth

  2. #2
    Anglika is offline No Longer With Us
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    Default Re: Could you help me with my writing?

    Quote Originally Posted by Tangerine View Post
    A good example to consider is the Fathersí Day commercial of [for] Jumbo supermarkets that advertises a set of t-shirts for fathers and sons. In this television advertise [this is the verb; you need the nound]we see a man driving his son to a school ball. Later, surprisingly, the kid request his father to drive him to the entrance of the school and finally, before leaving, he hugs him goodbye. On the pavement, all his school mates stare at this unusual behaviour in amazement and suddenly, they start applauding him. The boy, feeling great pride of his action, jumps in the air and finally, we listen to a voice-over saying that there are no possibilities that something of the sort happens to an ordinary father. However, sons and fathers can always share nice t-shirts.




    I believe there are many mistakes in here, but I cant find them :/
    Any comments on my grammar mistakes will be more than appreciated.
    Thanks in advanced! :)
    Not too many errors!

  3. #3
    Tangerine's Avatar
    Tangerine is offline Junior Member
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    Default Re: Could you help me with my writing?

    Is it ok to use "television advertisement" so as not to repeat "commercial" many times?

    Oops, it was requestS




    Thanks for your help!

  4. #4
    Anglika is offline No Longer With Us
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    Default Re: Could you help me with my writing?

    Absolutely fine.

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