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  1. #1
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    Default Essay about airplanes need to be tweaked!

    A new post and a new topic. This time about airplanes, I hope I didn't commit many mistakes. I'm waiting eagerly for your response.

    What do you consider the most important invention of the last 200 years Write an essay about it, explaining your choice? Talk about the invention's benefits and disadvantages.
    ---------------------
    One of the most important inventions of the last 200 years is the airplane. Before 200 years there were no airplanes and flying was something imaginary. By the time airplanes were invented, Humans had always been dreaming of flying freely like birds. Journeys between continents would take months by ships, which were the fastest method after cars, Regardless of its risk by voyaging unpredictable seas. However, the major benefits of airplanes are; they have changed the concept of traveling and they have saved a huge a mount of time when taking long journeys. Airplanes have also their disadvantages such as the risk of taking an airplane and using airplanes as a fatal destructive tool.

    Either you decided to travel for pleasure or work or any other reasons, airplane is the best choice for you. It's very interesting and exciting experience, you can't describe the feeling when you are up there, in the sky embracing the clouds and racing with birds. Thanks to the technology that made us feel such experiences. I can't imagine how the world would be without airplanes, can you? Thousands of miles are crossed within hours! Thatís amazing! If we want really to appreciate airplanes, just know how long it takes another media, the ship for instance, to travel from, let's say, Asia to the US nearly a month or more. This distance can be wrapped up by the airplane in just a few hours! Even though airplanes have such great benefits, they always have been a critical issue.

    Let's get to the dark side of the airplanes. I'm not going to tell you what would happened next if something went wrong with an airplane in a 1000 mile latitude. It's a catastrophic consequence, this is way the deaths in airplanes' accidents are so high. A minor problem in an airplane could take lives of hundreds of people in just a second. Another downside, which is a controversial issue between the developed countries, is using the airplane as killing machines, destructing cities and demolishing countries. I'm not against arming one country itself, it's about how a country should use this force correctly.

    Despite the risk of taking the air plane, it is still a great method for transportation. We should focus on the bright sides of airplanes. Airplane manufacturers have to make the airplanes safer than what it is now. Countries have to be aware of the tragic subsequences of using airplanes as a destructive tool, instead they should develop new ideas to make airplanes more reliable.

  2. #2
    Anglika is offline No Longer With Us
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    Default Re: Essay about airplanes need to be tweaked!

    Quote Originally Posted by a_k_m View Post
    A new post and a new topic. This time about airplanes, I hope I didn't commit many mistakes. I'm waiting eagerly for your response.

    What do you consider the most important invention of the last 200 years Write an essay about it, explaining your choice? Talk about the invention's benefits and disadvantages.
    ---------------------
    One of the most important inventions of the last 200 years is the airplane. Before 200 years there were no airplanes and flying was something imaginary. By the time airplanes were invented, Humans had always been dreaming of flying freely like birds. Journeys between continents would take months by ships, which were the fastest method after cars, Regardless of its risk by voyaging unpredictable seas. However, the major benefits of airplanes are; they have changed the concept of traveling and they have saved a huge a mount of time when taking long journeys. Airplanes have also their disadvantages such as the risk of taking an airplane and using airplanes as a fatal destructive tool.

    Either you decided to travel for pleasure or work or any other reasons, airplane is the best choice for you. It's very interesting and exciting experience, you can't describe the feeling when you are up there, in the sky embracing the clouds and racing with birds. Thanks to the technology that made us feel such experiences. I can't imagine how the world would be without airplanes, can you? Thousands of miles are crossed within hours! That’s amazing! If we want really to appreciate airplanes, just know how long it takes another media, the ship for instance, to travel from, let's say, Asia to the US nearly a month or more. This distance can be wrapped up by the airplane in just a few hours! Even though airplanes have such great benefits, they always have been a critical issue.

    Let's get to the dark side of the airplanes. I'm not going to tell you what would happened next if something went wrong with an airplane in a 1000 mile latitude. It's a catastrophic consequence, this is way the deaths in airplanes' accidents are so high. A minor problem in an airplane could take lives of hundreds of people in just a second. Another downside, which is a controversial issue between the developed countries, is using the airplane as killing machines, destructing cities and demolishing countries. I'm not against arming one country itself, it's about how a country should use this force correctly.

    Despite the risk of taking the air plane, it is still a great method for transportation. We should focus on the bright sides of airplanes. Airplane manufacturers have to make the airplanes safer than what it is now. Countries have to be aware of the tragic subsequences of using airplanes as a destructive tool, instead they should develop new ideas to make airplanes more reliable.
    First comment -This feels rushed. You have written it in a hurry, and have not really thought it out. Your logical progression breaks down. There are two aspects - Aeroplanes and Flying. Sort out what you are discussing. Aeroplanes are the physical means of transport; Flying is what is done with them.

    Look at the highlighted sections, and sort them out. Some are purely grammatical, some are indicating that you need to think about what you want to say.

    Some of it is well expressed.

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Essay about airplanes need to be tweaked!

    Hi, thank you for your comments. I agree with you I was rushing my self, because I was trying to improve my impromptu writting. You know no body gives you a break in the real world .

    the essay was about airplanes as a basic element. But airplanes have to do with flying in somehow, so I need to mintion flying in the context, don't I?
    For this reason, in paragraph one, I said that the invention of the airplanes was a result of thinking of flying.

    I tried to fix what you pointed out, and I came up with this:
    One of the most important inventions of the last two hundreds years is the airplane. Tow hundreds years ago, there were no airplanes and flying was something imaginary. By the time airplanes were invented, humans had been dreaming of flying freely like birds. By using ships, without keeping in mind the risk of voyaging unpredictable seas, journeys between continents would take months. However, the major benefits of airplanes are: they have changed the concept of traveling and they have saved a huge a mount of time when taking long journeys. Airplanes have also their disadvantages such as the fact that airplanes are not a hundred percent safe and using airplanes as a destructive tool.

    Either you decided to travel for pleasure or for work. Obviously, the airplane is the best choice for you. It's very interesting and exciting experience, you can't describe the feeling when you are up there in the sky embracing the clouds and racing with birds. Thanks to the technology that made us feel such experiences. I can't imagine how the world would be without airplanes, can you? Thousands of miles are crossed within hours! That’s amazing! If we want really to appreciate airplanes, just know how long it take other means, the ship for instance, to travel from, let's say, Asia to the US, nearly a month or more. This distance can be wrapped up by the airplane in just a few hours! No doubt that the airplanes have changed the humans’ history. Nevertheless, airplanes have also their negative side.

    Let's get to the dark side of the airplanes. I'm not going to tell you what would happened next if something went wrong with an airplane in a thousand miles latitude. It's a catastrophic consequence, this is way the deaths in airplanes' accidents are so high. A minor problem in an airplane could take lives of hundreds of people in just a second. Another downside, which is a controversial issue between the developed countries, is using the airplane as killing machines. Unfortunately, airplanes are being used for destroying cities and demolishing countries. I'm not against arming one country itself, it's about how a country should use this force correctly.

    Despite the risk of taking the air plane, it is still a great method for transportation. We should focus on the bright sides of the airplanes. Airplanes’ manufacturers ought to make the airplanes safer than what they are now. Countries have to be aware of the tragic subsequences of using airplanes as a destroying tool, instead they should develop new ideas to make airplanes more reliable.
    Last edited by a_k_m; 17-Jun-2007 at 22:02. Reason: misspelling

  4. #4
    Anglika is offline No Longer With Us
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    Default Re: Essay about airplanes need to be tweaked!

    One of the most important inventions of the last two hundreds years is the airplane. Tow hundreds years ago, there were no airplanes and flying was something imaginary. By the time airplanes were invented, humans had been dreaming of flying freely like birds. By using ships, without [delete - unnecessary] keeping in mind the risk of voyaging unpredictable [voyaging across/over unpredictable] seas, journeys between continents would take months. However, the major benefits of airplanes are: they have changed the concept of traveling [how exactly is this a "benefit"?] and they have saved a huge amount of time when taking long journeys. Airplanes have also their disadvantages such as the fact that airplanes are not a hundred per cent safe and using airplanes as a destructive tool [This is not a disadvantage of aircraft, but a misuse by humans.].

    Either [Whether] you decided to travel for pleasure or for work, obviously the airplane is the best choice for you. It's a very interesting and exciting experience, you can't describe the feeling when you are up there in the sky embracing the clouds and racing with birds. Thanks to the technology that made us feel such experiences. I can't imagine how the world would be without airplanes, can you? Thousands of miles are crossed within hours! Thatís amazing! If we want really to appreciate airplanes, just know how long it take other means, the ship for instance, to travel from, let's say, Asia to the US, nearly a month or more [Repetitive - you've already said this ]. This distance can be wrapped up by the airplane in just a few hours! There is no doubt that the airplanes have changed the humansí[delete - unnecessary] history. Nevertheless, airplanes have also their negative side.

    Let's get to the dark side of the airplanes. I'm not going to tell you what would happened next if something went wrong with an airplane in a thousand miles latitude.[What exactly do you mean?] It's a catastrophic consequence, this is way the deaths in airplanes' accidents are so high. A minor problem in an airplane could take lives of hundreds of people in just a second. Another downside, which is a controversial issue between the developed countries, is using the airplane as killing machines. Unfortunately, airplanes are being used for destroying cities and demolishing countries. I'm not against arming one country itself, it's about how a country should use this force correctly.[Repeat - this is nothing to do with aeroplanes. You can say that same of almost any technological advance.]

    Despite the risk of taking the air plane, it is still a great method for transportation. We should focus on the bright sides of the airplanes. Airplanesí manufacturers ought to make the airplanes safer than what they are now. Countries have to be aware of the tragic subsequences of using airplanes as a destroying tool, instead they should develop new ideas to make airplanes more reliable.

    I believe that statistics show that flying is one of the safest means of transport. I think you should research a bit more into aircraft design and security. More work needed!

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Essay about airplanes need to be tweaked!

    Hi, this time I did some changes on the essay.

    First, I completely got rid of the part that talks about the misusing of airplanes, as you said. And I added the high cost of airplanes instead.

    Second, you are definitly right about the safety of airplanes. In fact, I've never known such information before. So I added some modifications, even though that part still insisting about how scary getting on an airplane it is .

    One of the most important inventions of the last two hundred years is the airplane. Before this period of time, there were no airplanes and flying was something imaginary. By the time airplanes were invented, humans had been dreaming of flying freely like birds. However, the major benefits of airplanes are: they have changed the concept of traveling by introducing a brand new mean that wasn’t existed before, and they have saved a huge a mount of time when taking long journeys. Airplanes have also their disadvantages such as the fact that airplanes are not a hundred percent safe and the massive amount of fuel that consumed by the airplane made it the most expensive method of traveling.

    Whether you decided to travel for pleasure or for work, obviously the airplane is the best choice for you. It's a very interesting and exciting experience, you can't describe the feeling when you are up there in the sky embracing the clouds and racing with birds. Thanks to the technology that made us feel such experiences. I can't imagine how the world would be without airplanes, can you? Thousands of miles are crossed within hours! That’s amazing! If we want really to appreciate airplanes, just know how long it take other means, the ship for instance, to travel from, let's say, Asia to the US, nearly a month or more, keeping in mind the risk of voyaging over unpredictable seas. This distance can be wrapped up by the airplane in just a few hours! There is no doubt that the airplanes have changed the history. Nevertheless, airplanes have also their negative side.

    Let's get to the dark side of the airplanes. Even though Statistics show that the risk of an air accident is very small, but I'm not going to tell you what would happened next if something went wrong with an airplane in a thousand feet altitude. It's a catastrophic consequence. This is why the deaths in airplanes' accidents are so high. A minor problem in an airplane could take life of hundred of people in just a second. Another downside is that airplanes consume a lot of fuel. According to the Energy Information Administration, United States Department of Energy, In 1998 North America was consuming 74.8 Million gallons per day for aviation purposes. Under the shed of gas’s crises and the increasing demand of it world wide, airplane has become a pretty expensive method of traveling.

    Despite the risk of taking the air plane, it is still a great method for transportation. We should focus on the bright side of the airplanes. Airplanes’ manufacturers ought to make the airplanes safer than what they are now. An alternative source of energy should be used, such as solar energy, especially if we know that the current fuel is non-renewable and soon or later it will be depleted.

  6. #6
    Anglika is offline No Longer With Us
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    Default Re: Essay about airplanes need to be tweaked!

    One of the most important inventions of the last two hundred years is the airplane. Before this period of time, there were no airplanes and flying was something imaginary. By the time airplanes were invented, humans had been dreaming of flying freely like birds. However, the major benefits of airplanes are: they have changed the concept of traveling by introducing a brand new mean that wasnít existed before, and they have saved a huge a mount of time when taking long journeys. Airplanes have also their disadvantages such as the fact that airplanes are not a hundred per cent safe and the massive amount of fuel that consumed by the airplane made it the most expensive method of traveling. [In this day and age, you should also mention carbon emissions]

    Whether you decided to travel for pleasure or for work, obviously the airplane is the best choice for you. It's a very interesting and exciting experience, you can't describe the feeling when you are up there in the sky embracing the clouds and racing with birds. Thanks to the technology that made us feel such experiences. I can't imagine how the world would be without airplanes, can you? Thousands of miles are crossed within hours! Thatís amazing! If we want really to appreciate airplanes, just know how long it take other means, the ship for instance, to travel from, let's say, Asia to the US, nearly a month or more, keeping in mind the risk of voyaging over unpredictable seas. This distance can be wrapped up by the airplane in just a few hours! There is no doubt that the airplanes have changed the history. Nevertheless, airplanes have also their negative side.

    Let's get to the dark side of the airplanes. Even though Statistics show that the risk of an air accident is very small, but I'm not going to tell you what would happened next if something went wrong with an airplane in a thousand feet altitude.[look at the logic of this sentence - it does not really make sense] It's a catastrophic consequence. This is why the deaths in airplanes' accidents are so high. A minor problem in an airplane could take life of hundred of people in just a second. Another downside is that airplanes consume a lot of fuel. According to the Energy Information Administration, United States Department of Energy, In 1998 North America was consuming 74.8 Million gallons per day for aviation purposes. Under the shed of gasís crises and the increasing demand of it world wide, airplane has become a pretty expensive method of traveling.

    Despite the risk of taking the air plane, it is still a great method for transportation. We should focus on the bright side of the airplanes. Airplanesí manufacturers ought to make the airplanes safer than what they are now. An alternative source of energy should be used, such as solar energy, especially if we know that the current fuel is non-renewable and soon or later it will be depleted.

    Ok - you need to work on sequence - at the moment you have benefits and disadvantages all muddled up. Work through it and try to keep them separated.

    Check on your tenses and on plurals.

    I am afraid I laughed at your new final sentence - the idea of solar energy for fuelling aeroplanes was just irresistably funny. Sorry.


  7. #7
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    Default Re: Essay about airplanes need to be tweaked!

    First, thanks Anglika for keep feeding me back.

    Second, about the airplanes safety, let's assume hypothetically that they're not safe enough.

    Third, about the solar energy it sounds ridiculous, isn't it? or at least sort of the science fiction. But believe me it's not more ridiculous than the idea of using a box to communicate another person in the other side of earth two hundred years ago! At the end, it was just an opinion.
    ------
    One of the most important inventions of the last two hundred years is the airplane. Before this period of time, there were no airplanes and flying was something imaginary. By the time airplanes were invented, humans had been dreaming of flying freely like birds. However, the major benefits of airplanes are: they have changed the concept of traveling by introducing a brand new method that had never been existed before, and they have saved a huge a mount of time when taking long journeys. Airplanes have also their disadvantages, such as the fact that airplanes are not a hundred percent safe and the massive amount of fuel that consumed by the airplane makes it the most expensive method of traveling.

    Whether you decide to travel for pleasure or for work, obviously the airplane is the best choice for you. It's a very interesting and exciting experience, you can't describe the feeling when you are up there in the sky embracing the clouds and racing with birds. Thanks to the technology that makes us feel such experiences. I can't imagine how the world would be without airplanes, can you? Thousands of miles are crossed within hours! That’s amazing! If we want really to appreciate airplanes, just know how long it takes another method, the ship for instance, to travel from, let's say, Asia to the US, nearly a month or more, keeping in mind the risk of voyaging over unpredictable seas. This distance can be wrapped up by the airplane in just a few hours! There is no doubt that the airplanes have changed history. Nevertheless, airplanes have also their negative side.

    Let's get to the dark side of the airplanes. I'm not going to tell you what would happened next if something went wrong with an airplane in a thousand feet altitude. It's a catastrophic consequence. This is why the deaths in airplanes' accidents are so high. A minor problem in an airplane could take hundreds of peoples’ life in just a second. Another downside is that airplanes consume a lot of fuel. According to the Energy Information Administration, United States Department of Energy, in 1998 North America was consuming 74.8 million gallons per day for aviation purposes. Due to the gas crisis, and the increasing demand for it world wide, airplanes have become a pretty expensive method of traveling.

    Despite the risk of taking the air plane, it is still a great method for transportation. We should focus on the bright side of airplanes. Airplanes’ manufacturers should make airplanes safer than they are now. An alternative source of energy should be used, such as solar energy, especially if we know that the current fuel is non-renewable and soon or later it will be depleted.

  8. #8
    Anglika is offline No Longer With Us
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    Default Re: Essay about airplanes need to be tweaked!

    You have done a neat job - some changes:

    what would happened next what would happen next
    n a thousand feet altitude. at high altitude.
    f peoplesí life people's lives
    should be used should be sought

    I still think you should cut out the reference to solar energy - it really is a non-starter for use in an aeroplane.


  9. #9
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    Default Re: Essay about airplanes need to be tweaked!

    -----------------------------------------


    A very big thanks Anglika



    ---------------------------------------
    One of the most important inventions of the last two hundred years is the airplane. Before this period of time, there were no airplanes and flying was something imaginary. By the time airplanes were invented, humans had been dreaming of flying freely like birds. However, the major benefits of airplanes are: they have changed the concept of traveling by introducing a brand new method that had never been existed before, and they have saved a huge a mount of time when taking long journeys. Airplanes have also their disadvantages, such as the fact that airplanes are not a hundred percent safe and the massive amount of fuel that consumed by the airplane makes it the most expensive method of traveling.

    Whether you decide to travel for pleasure or for work, obviously the airplane is the best choice for you. It's a very interesting and exciting experience, you can't describe the feeling when you are up there in the sky embracing the clouds and racing with birds. Thanks to the technology that makes us feel such experiences. I can't imagine how the world would be without airplanes, can you? Thousands of miles are crossed within hours! Thatís amazing! If we want really to appreciate airplanes, just know how long it takes another method, the ship for instance, to travel from, let's say, Asia to the US, nearly a month or more, keeping in mind the risk of voyaging over unpredictable seas. This distance can be wrapped up by the airplane in just a few hours! There is no doubt that the airplanes have changed history. Nevertheless, airplanes have also their negative side.

    Let's get to the dark side of the airplanes. I'm not going to tell you what would happen next if something went wrong with an airplane at high altitude. It's a catastrophic consequence. This is why the deaths in airplanes' accidents are so high. A minor problem in an airplane could take hundreds of peopleís lives in just a second. Another downside is that airplanes consume a lot of fuel. According to the Energy Information Administration, United States Department of Energy, in 1998 North America was consuming 74.8 million gallons per day for aviation purposes. Due to the gas crisis, and the increasing demand for it world wide, airplanes have become a pretty expensive method of traveling.

    Despite the risk of taking the air plane, it is still a great method for transportation. We should focus on the bright side of airplanes. Airplanesí manufacturers should make airplanes safer than they are now. An alternative source of energy should be sought, especially if we know that the current fuel is non-renewable and soon or later it will be depleted.

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