Results 1 to 2 of 2
  1. #1
    Unregistered Guest

    Post Japanese Music essay - please correct.

    I'll be reading this aloud at my English exam, so I would appreciate it, if someone would correct it :) If you have any suggestions to another word I could use instead of my original word or tell me if something doesn't make sense, that would also be highly appreciated.
    Thank you in advance.

    Japanese music

    Lately Iíve been quite addicted to Japanese culture.
    My most recent discovery is Japanese music, which is commonly reffered to as the term J-rock. Iíve been listening to it for some months and then in October I decided to order a magazine about Visual Kei, which is a genre of Japanese music that not only focuses on the music, but also the appearance. Every time I looked in the magazine, I got more and more fascinated - it was a completely new world unfolding before my eyes. It was so unlike anything Iíd ever seen. Compared to European/American bands Visual Kei bands are unique. Itís not just their music, but itís their whole culture - everything from how they act in public to their marvellous stage shows.
    On stage, they usually wear striking make-up, unusual hairstyles and elaborate costumes. Most J-rockers are men, but some of them like dressing in female clothing. They are neither gay nor transvestites; theyíre just performers, who like to please their fans.
    I then started searching on the Internet for the new names I found in the magazine, because up until then Iíd only been listening to the artist called Miyavi.

    The first band I found was An Cafe, which consist of Miku, the vocalist; Bou, the guitarist; Kanon, the bassist; and Teruki, the drummer. I liked their music right away. Their genre is more Oshare Kei, which is happier and a lot more upbeat than Visual Kei. The clothing is also quite different, because it features very bright and happy colours. When I listen to and look at An Cafe, or Oshare Kei bands in general, I become so cheerful, and itís definitely the perfect medicine, if youíve had a bad day.

    I continued my hunt and one day I stumbled upon the artist Gackt Camui, who is undeniably my biggest obsession at the moment. Heís a songwriter, vocalist, multi-instrumentalist, actor, author, model and voice actor - all at the same time!
    He made his big debut with the band Malice Mizer, but in 1999 he decided to go solo for reasons known only to him. After he left the band, he became widely popular, and he still is.
    Many people would most likely describe him as odd, and I guess theyíre somewhat right. Gacktís abnormality dates all the way back to his childhood. He began to see himself as an outsider at age seven. One day while he was swimming off the coast of Okinawa, he nearly died. After his near-death experience, he had the ability to see the dead. When he was ten, he suddenly collapsed and was hospitalized. It was a hospital for gravely ill children, and he had to watch his friends in the ward die, one after the other. During his stay, he became continuously more and more mentally unbalanced and was denied release. Desperate to escape what he felt was a prison, Gackt started acting as if he was cured until he was released. This experience had a profound effect on him.
    But even though he has been through so much hardship he has still been able to carry on, and thatís really a trait to admire.
    He has also always been very competitive, and itís certainly not enough for him to be next best - thatís why heís so skilful at everything.
    In his interviews, he always tells bizarre stuff about himself. He believes that he was born in year 1540 and is a vampire. He also thinks that electric light can injure his eyes, and therefore he wears sunglasses most of the time.
    Most J-rockers are, like Gackt, peculiar in some way, and thatís why I like them so much.

    In the world of J-rock, fans feel very attached to their favourite bands and to one another. This is true especially in the West, where fans of J-rock are rare. Therefore, it is important to work together to help J-rock gain more popularity in our part of the world.
    In spring 2007 our support and hard work had finally started to pay off, and the Japanese bands realized, that they have lots of fans outside Japan. In May, one special and very important man in the J-rock industry known as Yoshiki managed to put a festival together in America, where about ten famous Japanese bands performed. Not surprisingly was this festival given the name J-rock Revolution, because it certainly was revolutionizing. It turned out the be a big success, and now many bands are following in its foot prints. On June 23 a festival in Germany called J-shock is scheduled, where four famous bands, including An Cafe, will perform, just to mention an example. Iíll of course be attending this festival, as it will the first of its kind in Europe.

  2. #2
    rancher247's Avatar
    rancher247 is offline Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Other
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Posts
    275
    Post Thanks / Like

    Re: Japanese Music essay - please correct.

    Quote Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
    I'll be reading this aloud at my English exam, so I would appreciate it, if someone would correct it :) If you have any suggestions to another word I could use instead of my original word or tell me if something doesn't make sense, that would also be highly appreciated.
    Thank you in advance.

    Japanese music

    Lately Iíve been quite addicted to Japanese culture.
    My most recent discovery is Japanese music, which is commonly referred to as the term J-rock. Iíve been listening to it for some months and then in October I decided to order a magazine about Visual Kei, which is a genre of Japanese music that not only focuses on the music, but also the appearance. Every time I looked in the magazine, I got more and more fascinated - it was a completely new world unfolding before my eyes. It was so unlike anything Iíd ever seen. Compared to European/American bands Visual Kei bands are unique. Itís not just their music, but itís their whole culture - everything from how they act in public to their marvelous stage shows.
    On stage, they usually wear striking make-up, unusual hairstyles and elaborate costumes. Most J-rockers are men, but some of them like dressing in female clothing. They are neither gay nor transvestites; theyíre just performers, who like to please their fans.

    [You need to make this a smoother jump-add some sentence which can work as a transition.]
    I then started searching on the Internet for the new names I found in the magazine, because up until then Iíd only been listening to the artist called Miyavi.

    The first band I found was An Cafe, which consist of Miku, the vocalist; Bou, the guitarist; Kanon, the bassist; and Teruki, the drummer. I liked their music right away. Their genre is more Oshare Kei, which is a lot more upbeat than Visual Kei. The clothing is also quite different, because it features very bright and happy colours. When I listen to and look at An Cafe, or Oshare Kei bands in general, I become so cheerful, and itís definitely the perfect medicine for a bad day.
    I continued my hunt and one day I stumbled upon the artist Gackt Camui, who is undeniably my biggest obsession at the moment. Heís a songwriter, vocalist, multi-instrumentalist, actor, author, model and voice actor - all at the same time!
    He made his big debut with the band Malice Mizer, but in 1999 he decided to go solo for reasons known only to him. After he left the band, he became widely popular, and he still is.
    Many people would most likely describe him as odd, and I guess theyíre somewhat right. Gacktís abnormality dates all the way back to his childhood. He began to see himself as an outsider at age seven. One day while he was swimming off the coast of Okinawa, he nearly died. After his near-death experience, he had the ability to see the dead. When he was ten, he suddenly collapsed and was hospitalized. It was a hospital for gravely ill children, and he had to watch his friends in the ward die, one after the other. During his stay, he became continuously more and more mentally unbalanced and was denied release. Desperate to escape what he felt was a prison, Gackt started acting as if he was cured until he was released. This experience had a profound effect on him.
    But even though he has been through so much hardship, he has still been able to carry on, and thatís really a trait to admire.
    He has also always been very competitive, and itís certainly not enough for him to be next best - thatís why heís so skilful at everything.
    In his interviews, he always tells bizarre stuff about himself. He believes that he was born in year 1540 and is a vampire. He also thinks that electric light can injure his eyes, and therefore he wears sunglasses most of the time.
    Most J-rockers are, like Gackt, peculiar in some way, and thatís why I like them so much.

    In the world of J-rock, fans feel very attached to their favourite bands and to one another. This is true especially in the West, where fans of J-rock are rare. Therefore, it is important to work together to help J-rock gain more popularity in our part of the world.
    In spring 2007 our support and hard work [is the audience familiar with this work? if not go into more detail] had finally started to pay off, and the Japanese bands realized, that they have lots of fans outside Japan. In May, one special and very important man in the J-rock industry known as Yoshiki managed to put a festival together in America, where about ten famous Japanese bands performed. Not surprisingly was this festival given the name J-rock Revolution, because it certainly was revolutionizing. It turned out to be a big success, and now many bands are following in its footprints. For example, a festival in Germany called J-shock is scheduled for June 23rd, where four famous bands, including An Cafe, will perform. I, of course, will be attending this festival, as it will the first of its kind in Europe.

    Not bad! Cool topic. I would formalize it a bit more if you will be presenting this in front of a faculty audience.

Similar Threads

  1. teachers correct my essay please
    By afaf in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 12-Jun-2006, 14:09
  2. please help me to correct my essay. thanks a million.
    By eric2004 in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 32
    Last Post: 05-Nov-2003, 15:10
  3. Would you correct this new essay?
    By aleycris in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 29-Oct-2003, 17:41
  4. Would you correct this essay?
    By aleycris in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 9
    Last Post: 24-Oct-2003, 15:10
  5. Would you correct this essay?
    By aleycris in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 22
    Last Post: 18-Oct-2003, 23:05

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •