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  1. #1
    Englishlanguage is offline Member
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    Default a part of my thesis

    Hello. I'm writing a short thesis on the cultural elements which foreshadowed nazi-fascist totalitarianisms for a sort of High School exit exam (I don't know if I can call it so; however it's an exam I have to take at the end of High School). The thesis is in Italian exept the English section.
    I'd like you to make some comments about it and correct any mistake.
    Thank you in advance

    The Byronic hero, an idealized figure exemplified in Lord Byronís life and writings, can be considered (reckoned?) (as?) one of those literary and cultural elements which foreshadowed the advent of totalitarianism. A passionate, moody and mysterious man, the Byronic hero is characterized by proud individualism, which at times verges on (resembles?) arrogance, and a strong distaste for social norms. He is a loner, an outsider and sometimes even an outlaw. Despite his noble birth, he is wild and rough, making him irresistible to women. One of his most fascinating features, which capitivated the attention of Byronís contemporaries, is his rebelliousness, which is well embodied by Prometheus in Byronís homonymous poem.
    According to the myth, Prometheus was a Titan, who stole fire from the gods in order to give it to the mortals. For that, Zeus had him chained on top of Caucasus. Every day an eagle would come and eat his liver but, since Prometheus was immortal, his liver always grew back, so he was constrained to bear this pain everyday. However, although capable of foreseeing what would happen to him (in Greek Prometheus means ďforeseerĒ), he proudly deicded to sacrifice himself for the sake of mankind.
    In this poem Prometheus is really emblematic of the Byronic hero. He proves to have no fear towards the gods. He even dares defy their power and is thus punished. Rebelliousness is only the most evident of (among?) those features he has in common with the Byronic hero.
    In the XX century what in the Romantic age remained an ideal figure fossilized within the lines of poetic expression was interpreted as a prefigurement of the strong individualism which eventually led to the threat of totalitarianisms.


    P.s: red words in brackets are possible replacements for the word(s) which come(s) before.

  2. #2
    RonBee's Avatar
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    Default Re: a part of my thesis

    The only problem I see is some minor punctuation errors.

    ~R

  3. #3
    Englishlanguage is offline Member
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    Default Re: a part of my thesis

    Quote Originally Posted by RonBee View Post
    The only problem I see is some minor punctuation errors.

    ~R
    Thank you for your reply.
    Could you show them to me? What about words in brackets?
    Last edited by Englishlanguage; 21-Jun-2007 at 21:26.

  4. #4
    Anglika is offline No Longer With Us
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    Default Re: a part of my thesis

    The Byronic hero, an idealized figure exemplified in Lord Byronís life and writings, can be considered (reckoned?) (as?) one of those literary and cultural elements which foreshadowed the advent of totalitarianism. A passionate, moody and mysterious man, the Byronic hero is characterized by proud individualism, which at times verges on (resembles?) arrogance, and a strong distaste for social norms. He is a loner, an outsider and sometimes even an outlaw. Despite his noble birth, he is wild and rough, making him irresistible to women. One of his most fascinating features, which capitivated the attention of Byronís contemporaries, is his rebelliousness, which is well embodied by Prometheus in Byronís homonymous poem.
    According to the myth, Prometheus was a Titan, who stole fire from the gods in order to give it to the mortals. For that, Zeus had him chained on top of the Caucasus. Every day an eagle would come and eat his liver but, since Prometheus was immortal, his liver always grew back, so he was constrained to bear this pain everyday. However, although capable of foreseeing what would happen to him (in Greek Prometheus means ďforeseerĒ), he proudly deicded to sacrifice himself for the sake of mankind.
    In this poem Prometheus is really emblematic of the Byronic hero. He proves to have no fear towards [of] the gods. He even dares defy their power and is thus punished. Rebelliousness is only the most evident of (among?) those features he has in common with the Byronic hero.
    In the XX century what in the Romantic age remained an ideal figure fossilized within the lines of poetic expression was interpreted as a prefigurement of the strong individualism which eventually led to the threat of totalitarianisms.



    P.s: red words in brackets are possible replacements for the word(s) which come(s) before.[/quote]

    Good piece of writing (apart from overuse of "which"). I think you are better to use your original words/phrases. The alternatives are not as good. The final sentence still makes me hesitate.My suggestion:

    In the XX century, what in the Romantic Age remained [was] an ideal figure fossilized within the lines of poetic expression was interpreted as [became] a prefigurement of the strong individualism which eventually led to the threat of totalitarianisms Totalitarianism.

  5. #5
    RonBee's Avatar
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    Default Re: a part of my thesis

    Anglika's suggestions are good ones. One place where you don't need commas:
    the Byronic hero is characterized by proud individualism which at times verges on arrogance and a strong distaste for social norms.
    ~R

  6. #6
    Englishlanguage is offline Member
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    Default Re: a part of my thesis

    Quote Originally Posted by Anglika View Post
    Good piece of writing (apart from overuse of "which"). I think you are better to use your original words/phrases. The alternatives are not as good. The final sentence still makes me hesitate.My suggestion:
    You're absolutely right about overuse of "which". I need to leave some of them out. Especially here:

    A passionate, moody and mysterious man, the Byronic hero is characterized by proud individualism which at times verges on arrogance and a strong distaste for social norms. He is a loner, an outsider and sometimes even an outlaw. Despite his noble birth, he is wild and rough, making him irresistible to women. One of his most fascinating features, which capitivated the attention of Byronís contemporaries, is his rebelliousness, which is well embodied by Prometheus in Byronís homonymous poem.


    I'll try to rephrase later. I have to go now. Thank you everybody...

  7. #7
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    Default Re: a part of my thesis

    One of his most fascinating features, which capitivated the attention of Byronís contemporaries, is his rebelliousness, which is well embodied by Prometheus in Byronís homonymous poem.

    What if I change the sentence above as follows?
    I just left out which.
    Does it sound better?

    One of his most fascinating features, which capitivated the attention of Byronís contemporaries, is his rebelliousness, well embodied by Prometheus in Byronís homonymous poem.

  8. #8
    Anglika is offline No Longer With Us
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    Default Re: a part of my thesis

    Much better

  9. #9
    Englishlanguage is offline Member
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    Default Re: a part of my thesis

    Quote Originally Posted by Anglika View Post
    Much better
    Thank you Anglika

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