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Thread: Please check...

  1. #1
    nur is offline Junior Member
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    Smile Please check...

    Hello everyone

    Could anyone please proof read this article for me? It's due very, very soon. Please kindly check for any grammatical errors (tense, prepositions, punctuations, etc.), spelling errors, strange usage of language, or anything that you deem as not right.

    The article is about BEAP, an environmental course which is still running. But the article reports on past events (the past two courses that have been completed).

    Here's the link:

    Just Being Me | Lexical expression

    Any help, feedback, corrections, etc. is highly welcome and appreciated!

    Thanks!

  2. #2
    nur is offline Junior Member
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    Default Re: Please check...

    Help please...?

  3. #3
    Tdol is offline Editor, UsingEnglish.com
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    Default Re: Please check...

    I'll start:

    This course is carried out- held
    this duty has been taken over by- this doesn't work with 'currently' for me- you could just remove the adverb or say that Dr Hjh. Asmah Morni is currently in charge of it
    cooperatively and in harmony with each- a bit repetitious IMO
    they gain from the trekking activities- repetition of 'trekking'
    Taking for instance- For instance,

  4. #4
    nur is offline Junior Member
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    Default Re: Please check...

    Thanks Tdol

    Isn't there anything else which needs correction?

  5. #5
    Tdol is offline Editor, UsingEnglish.com
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    Default Re: Please check...

    Other plants that are frequently sighted in the jungle are such as - ....jungle include
    free from any barriers, and by ‘barrier’, it means the glass than separates the viewer from what he views on the television, - I don't like this- free from any barries like the glass...
    one is able to use all their- one...one's
    there, in the forest. In the forest,- repetition- delete the first
    other litters- other litter
    For those who undertook the role as a leader, they learned - Those who undertook the role of leader learned
    to my surrounding - plural
    any damages- any damage
    Not even reaching one-fourth of the journey- Before doing a quarter of the journey

  6. #6
    nur is offline Junior Member
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    Default Re: Please check...

    Thanks for the help Tdol

    About the phrase "Not even reaching one-fourth of the journey", I'm not sure if I'm allowed to alter it because it's a quotation. Can the it be ignored altogether or should I change it for grammatical purposes?

    How about the other paragraphs? Do they require any editting?

    I'm a little uncertain of the grammaticality of these sentences. Could you please check them?

    Paragraph 9:
    An epitome of this rule was when the members had to slide down a very steep gradient at Padnunok, Lamunin.

    Paragraph 12:
    ...only this time, it added to their existing exhaustion from trekking in the forest.

    How about the conclusion? Does it sound okay?

  7. #7
    nur is offline Junior Member
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    Default Re: Please check...

    Can somebody help pleeeeeease?

  8. #8
    RonBee's Avatar
    RonBee is offline Moderator
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    Default Re: Please check...

    Quote Originally Posted by nur View Post
    About the phrase "Not even reaching one-fourth of the journey", I'm not sure if I'm allowed to alter it because it's a quotation. Can the it be ignored altogether or should I change it for grammatical purposes?
    No. Do not alter quotations.

    Quote Originally Posted by nur View Post
    How about the other paragraphs? Do they require any editting?
    Is there any reason you couldn't post the text on the forum? (editing)

    Quote Originally Posted by nur View Post
    I'm a little uncertain of the grammaticality of these sentences. Could you please check them?

    Paragraph 9:
    An epitome of this rule was when the members had to slide down a very steep gradient at Padnunok, Lamunin.

    Paragraph 12:
    ...only this time, it added to their existing exhaustion from trekking in the forest.
    The first sentence looks okay, but I can't say that I understand it. What do you mean by "An epitome of this rule"?

    The second sentence looks okay, but it is clearly not the whole sentence.

    ~R

  9. #9
    nur is offline Junior Member
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    Default Re: Please check...

    I didn't post the text here because it's too long, and I had problems posting texts that are too long previously. But I did provide the link to the page containing the article: Just Being Me | Lexical expression

    Here are the paragraphs from which the phrases were taken from:

    Paragraph 9:

    The BEAP members also learned that safety comes first, and cleanliness second. An epitome of this rule was when the members had to slide down a very steep gradient at Padnunok, Lamunin. The slope was really steep and the trekkers were left with no other choice than to practically slide on their bottoms while holding onto every root and branches that were nearby. After all, one who wishes to enjoy nature in the true sense should get ready to get wet and muddy!

    Paragraph 12:

    Not only does trekking build one’s physical stamina, but it also develops one’s mental strength and capacity. For instance, the trekking in Padnunok, the members had to walk for about half an hour before reaching the forest, and that means, another half an hour walk after emerging from the forest, only this time, it added to their existing exhaustion from trekking in the forest. Albeit this, they persevered and resolutely walked back to the starting point and refused to give up. This required not just muscles but mental strength as well. Another strenuous trekking was the one at Kampong Serdang with its legendary gigantic tree. A member said, “Not even reaching one-fourth of the journey I already felt very tired and exhausted. I wanted to return back to the starting point. But then because I wanted to see the giant tree, I continued on with the journey and I managed to finish it although I was exhausted!”

  10. #10
    RonBee's Avatar
    RonBee is offline Moderator
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    Default Re: Please check...

    Quote Originally Posted by nur View Post
    Here are the paragraphs from which the phrases were taken from:


    Say:
    Here are the paragraphs from which the phrases were taken.
    Or:
    Here are the paragraphs which the phrases were taken from.

    Quote Originally Posted by nur View Post
    The BEAP members also learned that safety comes first, and cleanliness second. An epitome of this rule was when the members had to slide down a very steep gradient at Padnunok, Lamunin. The slope was really steep and the trekkers were left with no other choice than to practically slide on their bottoms while holding onto every root and branches that were nearby. After all, one who wishes to enjoy nature in the true sense should get ready to get wet and muddy!


    Better:
    An example of this rule....

    Try:
    The slope was really steep and the trekkers were left with no other choice than to practically slide on their bottoms while holding onto every root and branch that was nearby. After all, one who wishes to enjoy nature in the true sense should be ready to get wet and muddy.
    ~R
    Last edited by RonBee; 23-Jun-2007 at 19:07.

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