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  1. #1
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    Default Plzzz help completing my motivation letter

    Plzz correct for me the following:

    the last 10 years in more details:
    unfortunately after secondary school i was not allwoed to choose what i want to study, the ministry of education gave every student 3 choices and each student had to choose one of them, unfortunately engineering wasn't one of these choices.
    i choose for science so i subscribed in the Faculty of Science Milan university.
    After 4 years "in the year 2000" when i was in my third year i quit for personal reasons and i start work and start have some company courses (marketing, management and computers) after that i start work in the marketing department of el xxxx "www.xxxxx.com. i worked for this company until summer 2003 then we decided to goto Sweden.
    one of the reasons that i left my job and traveled to Sweden is that there was a possibility to continue what i was always dreaming of. but i couldn't start immediately so i start learning the language of the country first then i had to work, so i decided to work for a couple of years to save some money that can help me to do full time studies, but in the mean time i did the information technology course, and now I'm really ready for the new beginning and for full time studding.

    in my last year in information technology, and because me and 2 other colleagues were very interested in electronics and machine interaction, our final project was about creating an application that will monitor and control power supplies located in 650 place in Sweden remotely. in order to to finish this project, we had to study some electronics and machines subjects with a help from Eng. "snyler cheroke" and from Eng. Marc astrid, they gave us some tasks to fully understand how the machines "power supplies" are working so we can reach our goal and create the application.
    fortunately we had a great sucess and the application works very good and it's in the testing phase at the moment, and hopefuly they will run it somewher at the end of this year.
    Project ref:
    Eng. Henk verselt "project promoter Group-T"

    finally i would like to mention that, for me mathematics, physics chemic s programing ...etc are not just some subjects that i have to study but i really enjoy learning these subjects because they represent a challenge for me and i love challenge because challenge is fun, and I'm sure that I will be good in these subjects.

  2. #2
    Tdol is offline Editor, UsingEnglish.com
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    Default Re: Plzzz help completing my motivation letter

    I would suggest using a spellcheck and some capital letters first.

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Plzzz help completing my motivation letter

    I did my best to do the spelling check,
    Here is what i did and i hope i can get a help from you asap.


    The last 10 years in more details:
    Unfortunately after secondary school i was not allowed to choose what i want to study, the ministry of education gave every student 3 choices and each student had to choose one of them, unfortunately engineering wasn't one of these choices.

    I choose for science so i subscribed in the Faculty of Science Milan university.
    After 4 years "in the year 2000" when i was in my third year i quited for personal reasons and i started work and start have some company courses (marketing, management and computers) after that i start work in the marketing department of el xxxx "www.xxxxx.com.

    I worked for this company until summer 2003 then we decided to goto Sweden.

    One of the reasons that i left my job and traveled to Sweden is that there was a possibility to continue what i was always dreaming of, but i couldn't start immediately so i have started learning the language of the country first then i had to work, so i decided to work for a couple of years to save some money that can help me to do full time studies, but in the mean time i did the information technology course, and now I'm really ready for the new beginning and for full time studding.

    In my last year in information technology, and because me and 2 other colleagues were very interested in electronics and (MMI) man–machine interaction, our final project was about creating an application that will monitor and control power supplies located in 650 place in Sweden remotely. in order to to finish this project, we had to study some electronics and machines subjects with a help from Eng. "Snyler Cheroke" and from Eng. Marc Astrid, they gave us some tasks to fully understand how the machines "power supplies" are working so we can reach our goal and create the application.
    Fortunately we had a great success. The application works good and it's in the testing phase at the moment, and hopefully they will run it somewhere at the end of this year.
    Project ref:
    Eng. Henk verselt "project promoter Group-T"

    finally i would like to mention that, for me mathematics, physics, chemic, programing ...etc are not just some subjects that i have to study but i really enjoy learning these subjects because they represent a challenge for me and i love challenge because challenge is fun, and I'm sure that I will be good in these subjects.


    thx in advance

  4. #4
    Anglika is offline No Longer With Us
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    Default Re: Plzzz help completing my motivation letter

    Quote Originally Posted by mike009 View Post
    I did my best to do the spelling check,
    Here is what i did and i hope i can get a help from you asap.


    The last 10 years in more details:
    Unfortunately after secondary school i was not allowed to choose what i want to study, the ministry of education gave every student 3 choices and each student had to choose one of them, unfortunately engineering wasn't one of these choices. First point - "I" is always a capital letter. Second point - you have three separate sentences. It is better to make them properly sentences than to have them all run into one massive sentence.

    I choose for science so i subscribed in the Faculty of Science at Milan University.
    After 4 years "in the year 2000" (Why is this in quotation marks?)when i was in my third year [There is a confusion as to whether you were there for four years or three years] i quited [left] for personal reasons and i started work and start have some company courses (marketing, management and computers) after that i start work in the marketing department of el xxxx "www.xxxxx.com. Again, you need to break this into shorter sentences.

    I worked for this company until summer 2003 then we [Who?] decided to goto Sweden.

    One of the reasons that i left my job and traveled to Sweden is that there was a possibility to continue what i was always dreaming of, but i couldn't start immediately so i have started learning the language of the country first then i had to work, so i decided to work for a couple of years to save some money that can help me to do full time studies, but in the meantime i did an information technology course, and now I'm really ready for a new beginning and for full time studding. Again, you need to break this into shorter sentences.

    In my last year in information technology, and because me and 2 other colleagues were very interested in electronics and (MMI) man–machine interaction, our final project was about creating an application that will monitor and control power supplies located in 650 place in Sweden remotely. in order to to finish this project, we had to study some electronics and machines subjects with a help from Eng. "Snyler Cheroke" and from Eng. Marc Astrid. They gave us some tasks to fully understand how the machines "power supplies" are working so we can reach our goal and create the application.
    Fortunately we had a great success. The application works good and it's in the testing phase at the moment, and hopefully they will run it somewhere at the end of this year.
    Project ref:
    Eng. Henk verselt "project promoter Group-T"

    finally i would like to mention that, for me, mathematics, physics, chemic, programing ...[[etc [It is better not to use this here]]]are not just some subjects that i have to study but i really enjoy learning these subjects because they represent a challenge for me and i love challenge because challenge is fun, and I'm sure that I will be good in these subjects.


    thx in advance
    You have a lot of rewriting to do.

  5. #5
    RonBee's Avatar
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    Default Re: Plzzz help completing my motivation letter

    You need to do a lot more rewriting. Below is an example of what needs to be done.

    Quote Originally Posted by mike009 View Post
    unfortunately after secondary school i was not allwoed to choose what i want to study, the ministry of education gave every student 3 choices and each student had to choose one of them, unfortunately engineering wasn't one of these choices.
    Unfortunately, after secondary school I was not allowed to choose what I wanted to study. The Ministry of Education gave every student three choices and each student had to choose one of them. Unfortunately, engineering wasn't one of those choices.
    Why do you think I made the changes I made? Figure that out and you will be a long way toward improving the whole thing.

    ~R

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Plzzz help completing my motivation letter

    Hi all, Thank you very much for the fast reply and the support, and also for the guiding ( I learned new things that I will never forget :))
    I did what you told me “more or less” and here is the result:
    Please give me your feedback.

    The last 10 years in more details:

    Unfortunately, after secondary school, I was not allowed to choose what I want to study.

    The ministry of education gave every student 3 choices and each student had to choose one of them.
    Unfortunately, engineering was not one of these choices.

    I chose for science so I enrolled in the Faculty of Science at Milan University.


    After 4 years in the year 2000, when i was in my third year (I had to do the third year twice) I left for personal reasons.


    I started to work for Xxx Company.
    This company offered me some courses (marketing, management, and computers).
    After that, I started to work in the marketing department of that company.

    I worked for that company until summer 2003 then I decided to travel to Sweden.

    One of the reasons that I left my job and traveled to Sweden is that there was a possibility to continue what I was always dreaming.


    However, I could not start immediately so I have started learning the language of the country first.
    In the meantime, I had to work.
    I decided to work for a couple of years to save some money that can help me to do full time studies.
    In the meantime, I did an information technology course, and now I am ready for a new beginning and for full time studies.

    In my last year in information technology, me and 2 other colleagues were very interested in electronics and (MMI) man–machine interaction.

    Our final project was about creating an application that will monitor and control power supplies located in 650 places in Sweden remotely.

    In order to finish this project, we had to study some electronics and machines subjects with a help from Eng. "Snyler Cheroke" and from Eng. Marc Astrid.
    They gave us some tasks to fully understand how the machines "power supplies" are working so we can reach our goal and create the application.

    Fortunately, we had a great success.

    The application works great.
    Now the application is in the testing phase, and hopefully Astrid company will run it somewhere at the end of this year.

    Project ref: Eng. Henk verselt "project promoter Group-T"

    Finally I would like to mention that, for me, mathematics, physics, Chemical and programming are not just some subjects that I have to study.

    I really enjoy learning these subjects; they represent a challenge for me.
    Challenge is fun, and I am sure that I will be good in these subjects.

    thank you in advance.

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Plzzz help completing my motivation letter

    Quote Originally Posted by mike009 View Post
    Hi all, Thank you very much for the fast reply and the support, and also for the guiding ( I learned new things that I will never forget :))
    I did what you told me “more or less” and here is the result:
    Please give me your feedback.

    The last 10 years in more details:

    Unfortunately, after secondary school, I was not allowed to choose what I want to study.

    The ministry of education gave every student 3 choices and each student had to choose one of them.
    Unfortunately, engineering was not one of these choices.

    I chose for science so I enrolled in the Faculty of Science at Milan University.


    After 4 years in the year 2000, when i was in my third year (I had to do the third year twice) I left for personal reasons.


    I started to work for Xxx Company.
    This company offered me some courses (marketing, management, and computers).
    After that, I started to work in the marketing department of that company.

    I worked for that company until summer 2003 then I decided to travel to Sweden.

    One of the reasons that I left my job and traveled to Sweden is that there was a possibility to continue what I was always dreaming.


    However, I could not start immediately so I have started learning the language of the country first.
    In the meantime, I had to work.
    I decided to work for a couple of years to save some money that can help me to do full time studies.
    In the meantime, I did an information technology course, and now I am ready for a new beginning and for full time studies.

    In my last year in information technology, me and 2 other colleagues were very interested in electronics and (MMI) man–machine interaction.

    Our final project was about creating an application that will monitor and control power supplies located in 650 places in Sweden remotely.

    In order to finish this project, we had to study some electronics and machines subjects with a help from Eng. "Snyler Cheroke" and from Eng. Marc Astrid.
    They gave us some tasks to fully understand how the machines "power supplies" are working so we can reach our goal and create the application.

    Fortunately, we had a great success.

    The application works great.
    Now the application is in the testing phase, and hopefully Astrid company will run it somewhere at the end of this year.

    Project ref: Eng. Henk verselt "project promoter Group-T"

    Finally I would like to mention that, for me, mathematics, physics, Chemical and programming are not just some subjects that I have to study.

    I really enjoy learning these subjects; they represent a challenge for me.
    Challenge is fun, and I am sure that I will be good in these subjects.

    thank you in advance.
    Can you Plzzzzzzzzzz tell me if what i wrote is correct?

  8. #8
    RonBee's Avatar
    RonBee is offline Moderator
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    Default Re: Plzzz help completing my motivation letter

    OK



    Say:
    guidance

    Re:
    Unfortunately, after secondary school, I was not allowed to choose what I want to study
    Say:
    Unfortunately, after secondary school, I was not allowed to choose what I wanted to study
    Say:
    three choices
    (The rule is that numbers from one to ten are spelled out.)




    Say:
    Unfortunately, engineering was not one of those choices.
    (The word those is more distant in space and time than these.)

    Re:
    I chose for science so I enrolled in the Faculty of Science at Milan University.

    After 4 years in the year 2000, when i was in my third year (I had to do the third year twice) I left for personal reasons.
    There are a couple of punctuation errors in those sentences.

    ~R
    Last edited by RonBee; 06-Jul-2007 at 05:12.

  9. #9
    RonBee's Avatar
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    Default Re: Plzzz help completing my motivation letter

    Say:
    I chose science, and I enrolled in the Faculty of Science at Milan University.
    ~R

  10. #10
    RonBee's Avatar
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    Default Re: Plzzz help completing my motivation letter

    Try:
    I started working for Xxx Company. The company offered me courses in marketing, management, and computers. After that, I started work in the marketing department of that company.
    What do you think?

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