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  1. #1
    nongporz is offline Newbie
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    Post May you help me edit my first essay, please?

    Hello,

    I come from Thailand where English is not an official language. English is quiet hard dor me especially in writing.

    Would you please comment my writing style, (my poor)grammar and clearity.

    So I'll know where to practise more.

    This is the best I can do Thank you very much


    My topic is:
    Why Thai people cannot communicative fluently in English

    Nowadays, English has become a global language due to the increasing usage of people from around the world; therefore, this beneficial language plays an important role in Thai society. As we can see almost every field in Thailand such as education circles, business circles, medical circles and even entertainment circles are all related to English. Consequently, using English language effectively is very important to Thai people. Therefore, almost all schools in Thailand have to include English subject in the curriculum from grade 1 which means Thai students are required to study English at least nine years. Despite the fact that they have studied English for several years, almost all Thai people cannot communicate fluently in English.

    The first reason for this is that the limited time devoted to English in Thai schools (about 3-5 hours English class per week). Consequently, children do not have much time to learn and practice English. As we all know, it is possible to add more English class hours into the Thai schools’ curriculum because they are already overloaded. The solution to this problem might to adjust the curriculum by enforcing students to study in English program at their early age like in international schools. This method might help students learning and using English more effectively.

    Another significant reason why students cannot communicate in English is they do not have a well-thinking skill which leads them to face a hard situation in speaking, afraid of making mistakes and lose face in public. I believe in the saying that “We cannot think unless we have memories”. In order to improve students’ thinking skill, by learning English efficiency, they have to memorize many grammatical rules, several vocabularies and numerous idiomatic expressions. Whenever they could manage these, they will be able to think as a system and be able to speak fluently.

    In conclusion, for these two reasons mentioned above, students are not able to improve their English skills effectively in one day. Students must have a strong will in learning and practicing a lot of English. Besides learning in a classroom, it can be done in several ways for example; listening to English news channel such as BBC and CNN, learning from online English lesson on the internet, reading English newspapers and so on. Once they are good at English, they must keep learning and practicing it, otherwise they will forget what they have learned.

  2. #2
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    Re: May you help me edit my first essay, please?

    Aside from the places where I have corrected it, I think that your grammar, for the most part, is fine. However, I did reword some sections and add some words (my additions are in brackets below) to make it either more grammatical or else simply to flow better. There are a few parts that are not altogether clear (eg, what is a “well-thinking skill”?) and you may want to revise these as well. You can send me another draft if you like


    English is [quite] hard [f]or me especially in writing.

    [Recently], English has become a global language [and is increasingly used for communication in a broad variety of fields]. As we can see [,]almost every field in Thailand [,including] education, business, medicine, and even entertainment are all related to English. Consequently, [learning how to use the] English language effectively is very important to Thai people. Therefore, almost all [of the] schools in Thailand [must] include English [as a] subject in the curriculum from grade 1 [onwards]. [This] means [that] Thai students are required to study English [for] at least nine years. [However], despite the fact that they have studied English for several years, [most] Thai people cannot communicate fluently in English.

    The first reason for this is the limited time devoted to English in Thai schools (about 3-5 hours [of] English class per week). Consequently, children do not have much time to learn and practice English. As we all know, it is [impossible] to add more English class hours into the Thai schools’ curriculum because they are already overloaded. The solution to this problem might [be] to adjust the curriculum [so that students are forced] to study in English program[s] at [an] early age[,] like in international schools. This method might help students [start] learning and using English more effectively.

    Another significant reason students cannot communicate in English is [that] they do not have a well-thinking skill which leads them to face a hard situation in speaking [when they are] afraid of making mistakes and los[ing] face in public. I believe in the saying that “We cannot think unless we have memories”. In order to improve students’ thinking skill[s] [and increase their efficiency in English], they [will need] to memorize many grammatical rules, [a large vocabulary] and numerous idiomatic expressions. When they are able to manage these, they will be able to think [systematically] and be able to speak fluently.

    In conclusion, for [the] two reasons mentioned above, students are not able to improve their English skills [effectively]. Students must have a strong will in learning and practicing a lot of English. Besides learning in a classroom, [this] can be done in several ways. [For example, effective practice techniques can include] listening to English news channels such as BBC and CNN, learning from online English lesson[s] on the internet, reading English newspapers and so on. Once they are good at English, they must keep learning and practicing it, otherwise they will forget what they have learned.



  3. #3
    nongporz is offline Newbie
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    Re: May you help me edit my first essay, please?

    Oh thank you very much JLP this is a very kind of you

    This essay sounds smoother than before


    Well, I've got a few more question here about..
    “well-thinking skill” << I just want to say that children should have a thinking skill (a good one) so that they have something to speak. Can I just say a thinking skill? Is it sounds clear?

    rewrite the unclear paragraph:
    Another significant reason why students cannot communicate in English is that they do not have well-organized thinking skill and which leads them to face a hard situation in speaking. I believe in the saying that “We cannot think unless we have memories”. In order to improve students’ thinking skill and increase their efficiency in English, they will need to memorize many grammatical rules, a large vocabulary and numerous idiomatic expressions. When they are able to manage these, they will be able to think systematically and be able to speak fluently.

    Is it better?


    ps. Would you like to learn Thai? I can teach you hehe..
    Last edited by nongporz; 23-Jul-2007 at 09:16. Reason: more info.

  4. #4
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    Re: May you help me edit my first essay, please?

    Oh thank you very much JLP this is a very kind of you

    This essay sounds smoother than before


    Happy to be of help



    I can also take a look at the final draft, when it's ready.

    Well, I've got a few more question here about..
    “well-thinking skill” << I just want to say that children should have a thinking skill (a good one) so that they have something to speak. Can I just say a thinking skill? Is it sounds clear?


    By the way, instead of "Is it sounds clear?" I would say “Does it sound clear?” in the last sentence. This sounds better to me.


    No, I wouldn’t say a thinking skill. I think what you may mean is that the students need to be able to organize their thoughts better in English before they can use the language to successfully communicate. With this idea in mind, I added a reference to students not being able to organize their thoughts well in English to the revised paragraph (again, my additions are in brackets). Let me know if this doesn’t sound like what you wanted to say.

    Rewrite the unclear paragraph:
    Another significant reason why students cannot communicate in English is that they [can not organize their thoughts well. This can lead to difficulties] in speaking. I believe in the saying that “We cannot think unless we have memories”. In order to improve students’ thinking skill and increase their efficiency in English, they will need to memorize many grammatical rules, a large vocabulary and numerous idiomatic expressions. When they are able to manage these, they will be able to think systematically and be able to speak fluently.

    ps. Would you like to learn Thai? I can teach you hehe..
    Sure

  5. #5
    nongporz is offline Newbie
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    Smile Re: May you help me edit my first essay, please?

    Oh yes.. that's exactly what I want to say

    and again thank you for your support :D

    Kob Khun Ka

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