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  1. #1
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    Aug 2007
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    Default Could anyone pls give me a hand~

    Could anyone pls help me to improve my english by proofread the essay and give some comments, in order to successed on the IELTS exam.

    Thanks a lots!

    Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
    Television has destroyed communication among friends and family.
    Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.


    Undoubtedly, television plays a significant role in our society, which not only spreading information around the globe, but also entertaining us with the various programs. However, many people believe that television may be harmful to our society because it has destroyed communication among friends and family.

    Many people clam that nowadays people spend more time on watching television than with their family members and friends. In my opinion, I think that there is no direct link between television and the problem of communication. If people tend to isolate themselves by spending time on television, they can still find another way to do it without television. On the contrary, television sometimes can be a good channel for people to communicate with. For example, we will gather friends and family members at home to watch soccer match. Also, sometimes we like to talk or to discuss with others about the recent events or news that we have heard on television.

    Moreover, television can be an useful tool, which forming people’s mentality by spreading same information to individuals. In which we may discovery same commons and interests among family and friends when we watch television. For example, we watch educational programs, such as scientific, social or cultural, in order to get the new opportunities to study new things. And then the communication took place when we experienced these new things by discussing with our family members and friends

    In conclusion, television would not bring any harmful to our society unless it were being abused. However, we could find many ways to improve the relation between family and us. One of the best ways to do it is to share with others the recent events or news that we have heard from television programs.

  2. #2
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    Jun 2007
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    Default Re: Could anyone pls give me a hand~

    Undoubtedly, television plays a significant role in our society, which not only spreading (should be spreads) information around the globe, but also entertaining(should be entertains) us with the various programs. However, many people believe that television may be harmful to our society because it has destroyed communication among friends and family.

    Many people clam (claim) that nowadays people spend more time on (delete) watching television than they do with their family members (don’t really need to say family members – “family” will do) and friends. In my opinion, I think that there is no direct
    (I don’t think that there is a direct – word structure) link between television and the problem of communication (communication problems). If people tend to isolate themselves by spending time on (watching) television, they can still find another way to do it without television. On the contrary, television sometimes can be a good channel for people to communicate with. For example, we will gather friends and family members at home to watch a football match. Also, sometimes we like to talk or to discuss with others about the (delete) recent events or news that we have heard on the television.

    Moreover, television can be an (a) useful tool, which forming people’s mentality by spreading same information to individuals (not sure what you want to say here). In which we may discovery same (discover some) commons and (delete) interests among family and friends when we watch television. For example, we watch educational programs, such as scientific, social or cultural shows, in order to get the (delete) new opportunities to study new things. And then the communication took place when we experienced these new things by discussing with our family members and friends (not sure what you want to say here).

    In conclusion, television would not bring any harmful (harm) to our society unless it were being (is) abused. However, we could find many ways to improve the relation (relationship) between family and us (People). One of the best ways to do it is to share with others (moved*) the recent events or news that we have heard from television programs with others (*moved to here).


    Ok so I've tweaked it a bit, if you have any specific questions just ask.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
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    Default Re: Could anyone pls give me a hand~

    Hi Chunky,

    Thank you for your help!!

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