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Thread: Edit please

  1. #1
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    Default Edit please

    I would appreciate if you could edit my edit of a speech, or edit both to have a final one. Thanks. BMO


    Greetings to all international partners in the entertainment industry, I am Ms. xxx, general secretary of xxx Association of Taiwan. I am glad to have this opportunity to share with you on the current development in Taiwan’s Scriptwriter.

    Greetings to all international partners in the screenwriting industry, I am xxx, General Secretary of xxx Association of Taiwan. I am glad to have this opportunity to share with you on current development in Taiwan’s screenwriting industry.

    According to the Government Information Office of Taiwan. (Taiwan independent movies made in the year 2003 is only 3.55% whereas Korea produced about 50%). On the other side, Taiwanese television series & films had more the spirit of Taiwan ( Used by the President Chen in His Speeches )(Note: The first usage carries a somewhat ethnic connotation. The second is more nationalistic. )

    According to the Government Information Office of Taiwan, domestic movies made in year 2003 accounted for only 3.55% of the total movies shown on the island, whereas in Korea, the ratio was much higher, about 50% of the total.

    Taiwan’s television drama series are facing some dramatic changes in recent years as well; English films like HBO and Korean, Japanese films are among the most popular in Taiwan. Three years ago, with a change in the governing party and newly elected President Shui-Bian Chen, there has been an increase in awareness viewing Taiwan as an independent country. Dramas and television programs filmed in Taiwanese, the other major spoken language of the country besides Mandarin, are becoming popular. Budgets for Taiwanese productions greatly sized up in comparison to decades ago. Before, the budget for a Taiwanese production was only about two-third or half of the Mandarin production budget.

    Taiwan’s television drama series has been experiencing dramatic changes in recent years. With the change in governing party four years ago and a newly re-elected President Shui-Bian Chen, there has been an increase in people’s awareness, viewing Taiwan as an independent country, and in her own identity. Dramas and television programs filmed in “Taiwanese,” the other major spoken language besides Mandarin, have become more popular. Budget for Taiwanese productions has been increased substantially over the years, in comparison to what it was decades ago when a typical Taiwanese language film would only be budgeted for one-half to two-third of what it would a Mandarin film.

    During the earlier years of governmental control, actors who spoke better Taiwanese than Mandarin hardly got noticed at all. These Taiwanese-speaking actors were usually hired to portray unattractive and small roles such as the bad guys or street rats in past years until now. A recent Taiwanese television series “My dear Wife” made a number of actors famous, whether the roles played were the good or bad guys.
    For instance, actor Cha Cang Houng played a wife named Cang-Cang. In real life, she became popular. The scripts she recited in the series were acknowledged as her very own signature style; she spoken Mandarin not very well, just like a Taiwanese from the small village. This would have never happened in the past.

    In Taiwan, so many people spoken sounds like her. In the past time, a role did not speak Mandarin very well, he or she just play the minor role always. But now, they even do play the leading role. That was done “The people of Taiwan will not be downgraded. We will not be treated as a local government. [and] Taiwan will no longer be marginalized.” (from the President Chen in His Speeches )

    There are other changes. During the earlier years of government control, Taiwanese speaking actors who did not speak Mandarin well would hardly get noticed at all. They were often cast in unattractive and minor roles playing bad guys, street rats or the like. It is quite different now. They can play leading roles. For instance, actor Cha-Cang Houng who played a wife named Cang-Cang, a leading role, in the television series “My dear wife.” She became popular. The scripts that she recited in the series were acknowledged as her very own signature style. And like many Taiwanese from small villages, Ms. Houng doesn’t speak Mandarin, the official language in Taiwan, very well. These could not have happened in the past – the leading role and the ensuing popularity. Furthermore, as “My dear wife” has demonstrated, actors can become famous whether the roles they played were the good or bad guys.

  2. #2
    Tdol is offline Editor, UsingEnglish.com
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    Default Re: Edit please

    Quote Originally Posted by bmo
    I would appreciate if you could edit my edit of a speech, or edit both to have a final one. Thanks. BMO



    Greetings to all (my\our?) international partners in the screenwriting industry, I am xxx, General Secretary of xxx Association of Taiwan. I am glad to have this opportunity to share (my thoughts\views\ideas- you should should something) with you on current developments in Taiwan’s screenwriting industry.



    According to the Government Information Office of Taiwan, domestic movies made in year (couldn't you just remove the word 'year'?) 2003 accounted for only 3.55% of the total movies shown on the island, whereas in Korea, the ratio was much higher, about 50% of the total.


    Taiwan’s television drama series has been experiencing dramatic changes in recent years. With the change (you've just used this word- how about 'with a new party in government') in governing party four years ago and a newly re-elected President Shui-Bian Chen, there has been an increase in people’s awareness, (I'd change this to a semi-colon) viewing Taiwan as an independent country, and in ( I'd say, 'independent country, with her\its own identity) her own identity. Dramas and television programs filmed in “Taiwanese,” the other major spoken language besides Mandarin, have become more popular. The Budget for Taiwanese productions has been increased substantially over the years, in comparison to what it was decades ago when a typical Taiwanese language film would only be budgeted for one-half to two-thirds of what it would a Mandarin film.
    I'd say ...when a typical Taiwanese language film would only receive 1/2 to 2/3s of the amount budgeted for a Mandarin language film.

    There are (are or have been?) other changes. During the earlier years of government control, Taiwanese speaking actors who did not speak Mandarin well would hardly get noticed at all. They were often cast in unattractive and minor roles playing bad guys, street rats or(and) the like. It is quite different now. (; ) They can play leading roles. For instance, the actor Cha-Cang Houng who (this isn't a grammatical sentence- how about deleting 'who') played a wife named Cang-Cang, a leading role, in the television series “My dear wife.” She became popular. The scripts that she recited (lines she used) in the series were (I'd change this whole sentence to something like- Her lines bore the hallmark of her background; like many Taiwanese from small villages, she doesn't speak Mandarin, the official language, very well. ) acknowledged as her very own signature style. And like many Taiwanese from small villages, Ms. Houng doesn’t speak Mandarin, the official language in Taiwan, very well. These could (I'd go for ' would') not have happened in the past – the leading role and the ensuing popularity. Furthermore, as “My dear wife” has demonstrated, actors can become famous whether the roles they played were the good or the bad guys.

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Edit please

    Thanks, it is much better, I am submitting another obe, actually it is part 3 of the same speech a friend is giving. BMO

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