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  1. onetwothree's Avatar
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    #1

    Saving the Planet

    I have to write a letter to an Editor as an essay. Please read it and correct the mistakes in grammar, meaning and structure for me. Thank you very much.
    ======================================
    100 ABC street, District XYZ, MNO City.
    Wednesday, August 22, 2007


    Dear Editor:

    Your article about Kalle Lasn and Adbuster had some interesting ideas, especially about people's routines. Buy Nothing Day is a great idea for us to learn about how to save things. First of all, people can save themselves. You see, nowadays, people are too busy with their business, and having to shop every day could make their lives much more terrible and busier. Besides, when people go shopping, they often buy lots of things even things that they don't need. That's not only a waste of money but also a waste of time. Therefore, having a day without buying anything could liberate them from stress and make their lives easier. Of course, they can also save their money and time thanks to that. Also, people will have chance to save the others. As was noted, Buy Nothing Day helps them to save their money and time so that they can spend those on some other meaning works like building houses for poor and homeless people, supporting orphanages, etc. And finally, a day with no shopping will be probably able to save the energy, the natural resources and the Earth. If people don't buy anything, no stores will be open. So, not much electricity often spent on stores lighting and decorating will be used. If people don't buy anything, no bags or paper used for wrapping stuffs are needed. And if those things are no needed, the natural resources used for producing them will be saved, no trees will be cut down for paper. Isn't that a way of saving the Earth? We will be shocked by the wonderful difference, I'm sure. I hope the city coucil will support it.

    Sincerely,
    Onetwothree.
    Last edited by onetwothree; 24-Aug-2007 at 13:28.

  2. RonBee's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: Please correct the essay below for me.

    Quote Originally Posted by onetwothree View Post

    Dear Editor:

    Your article about Kalle Lasn and Adbuster had some interesting ideas, especially about people's routines. Buy Nothing Day is a great idea for us to learn about how to save things. First of all, people can save themselves. .
    "First of all, people can save themselves" does not mean what you think it means. Perhaps: "People can do things on their own to reduce waste." (What is the theme here?)

    ~R

  3. RonBee's Avatar
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    #3

    Re: Please correct the essay below for me.

    Quote Originally Posted by onetwothree View Post
    You see, nowadays, people are too busy with their business, and having to shop every day could make their lives much more terrible and busier. Besides, when people go shopping, they often buy lots of things even things that they don't need. That's not only a waste of money but also a waste of time. Therefore, having a day without buying anything could liberate them from stress and make their lives easier. Of course, they can also save their money and time thanks to that.
    Try:
    You see, nowadays, people are busy with business, and having to shop every day could make their lives more complicated. Besides, when people go shopping they often buy things they don't need. That's not only a waste of money but also a waste of time. Therefore, having a day without buying anything could liberate them from stress and make their lives easier. Of course, they can also save their money and time.
    What do you think?

    ~R

  4. RonBee's Avatar
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    #4

    Re: Please correct the essay below for me.

    Quote Originally Posted by onetwothree View Post
    Also, people will have chance to save the others.
    Either change or delete that.

    ~R

  5. onetwothree's Avatar
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    #5

    Re: Please correct the essay below for me.

    OH! I see I see....
    Thank you. Then beside that, the rest is OK, isnt?

  6. RonBee's Avatar
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    #6

    Re: Please correct the essay below for me.

    Quote Originally Posted by onetwothree View Post
    As was noted, Buy Nothing Day helps them to save their money and time so that they can spend those on some other meaning works like building houses for poor and homeless people, supporting orphanages, etc.
    As was noted, Buy Nothing Day would help people to save their money so they could spend that money on things like houses for poor and homeless people, orphanages, etc.


    Quote Originally Posted by onetwothree View Post
    And finally, a day with no shopping will be probably able to save the energy, the natural resources and the Earth. If people don't buy anything, no stores will be open. So, not much electricity often spent on stores lighting and decorating will be used. If people don't buy anything, no bags or paper used for wrapping stuffs are needed. And if those things are no needed, the natural resources used for producing them will be saved, no trees will be cut down for paper. Isn't that a way of saving the Earth? We will be shocked by the wonderful difference, I'm sure. I hope the city coucil will support it.
    Rephrase that with the goal of making a meaningful, understandable statement. Try again.

  7. onetwothree's Avatar
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    #7

    Re: Please correct the essay below for me.

    Quote Originally Posted by RonBee View Post
    "First of all, people can save themselves" does not mean what you think it means. Perhaps: "People can do things on their own to reduce waste." (What is the theme here?)

    ~R
    [What is the theme here]
    Well, I meant " people can save their things or maybe can save them from being busy, tired or something like that". So, what do you think?

  8. onetwothree's Avatar
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    #8

    Re: Please correct the essay below for me.

    Also, people will have chance to save the others
    Quote Originally Posted by RonBee View Post
    Either change or delete that.

    ~R
    Sorry, I don't understand why you think I should change or delete that. Can you explain ? And... If I change what do you think I should change to? "People will have chance to help the others"??? What do you think?

  9. onetwothree's Avatar
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    #9

    Re: Please correct the essay below for me.

    And finally, a day with no shopping will be probably able to save the energy, the natural resources and the Earth. If people don't buy anything, no stores will be open. So, not much electricity often spent on stores lighting and decorating will be used. If people don't buy anything, no bags or paper used for wrapping stuffs are needed. And if those things are no needed, the natural resources used for producing them will be saved, no trees will be cut down for paper. Isn't that a way of saving the Earth? We will be shocked by the wonderful difference, I'm sure. I hope the city coucil will support it.
    Originally Posted by RonBee
    Rephrase that with the goal of making a meaningful, understandable statement. Try again.
    Can you tell me what the the sentences that I need to rephrase are?
    =====
    I edited some sentences.
    [ And finally, people with a Buy Nothing Day would be able to save the natural resources and the Earth. You see, if people don't buy anything, no stores will be working. And as a result, not much electricity often spent on strores lighting and decorating will be used. If people don't buy anything, no bags or paper used for wrapping stuff will be needed. And if those things are no needed, the natural resources used for producing them will be saved.For example, no trees will be cut down for paper. Isn't that a way of saving the Earth? We will be shocked by the wonderful difference, I'm sure. I hope the city coucil will support it.]
    So, what do you think? Is that OK?

  10. RonBee's Avatar
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    #10

    Re: Please correct the essay below for me.

    Quote Originally Posted by onetwothree View Post
    [What is the theme here]
    Well, I meant " people can save their things or maybe can save them from being busy, tired or something like that". So, what do you think?
    It's up to you, of course, what you want the theme to be. I just wasn't sure.

    ~R

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