Results 1 to 2 of 2
  1. #1
    candelina is offline Newbie
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Posts
    3
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Could you correct my article, please?

    "The internet is a waste of time?"What do you think about this statement?

    The internet, one of the latest discoveries of the 20th century, has become part of everyone's vocabulary nowadays. Whether we like it or not, it is turning more and more into a social phenomenon, especially among teenagers.
    However, it cannot be denied that it provides a lot of facilities. I was a little skeptical towards it at first, but now I am aware of the positive effects it has proved to have on my life. The internet can be a source of useful information, which you can find and download by accessing an appropriate website. For example you can study on line and in this manner you can save a lot of energy and you don't need to borrow books from public libraries or you don't need to buy a lot of books. So the internet is absolutely convenient.
    It is partly true that the internet world contains a huge number of information so sometimes when you are looking for a common knowledge you can lose too much time to find it. However, with this charming world you can keep in touch with everyone although he/she lives across the world. I remember that last year, when I lived in Spain, I kept in touch with my boyfriend every single day thanks to this amazing invention: the internet.
    Unfortunately, somebody use the internet excesively, mostly children and teenagers, which can lead to finding it harder and harder for them to adapt to real world. This world is a great one if used properlyand with this aid you can save too much time.


  2. #2
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Posts
    169
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Re: Could you correct my article, please?

    [CAUTION: I am not a teacher:take the advice and or corrections offered in this post at your own risk.
    If you doubt the information, please get a qualified opinion from one of the teachers on these forums.]

    Please note the disclaimer. There will be two kinds of corrections:
    Technical[in red, remove your red words, replace them with words in the brackets (pay attention to, but do not write words in parentheses)]

    Style[consider changing, adding, or using this information]

    Please check that the meaning of your article has not changed after any changes you make, if you have questions please ask and I will try to answer promptly (of course anyone else is welcome to as well).

    The internet, one of the latest discoveries[technological advances] of the 20th century, has become part of everyone's vocabulary nowadays. Whether we like it or not, it is turning more and more into a social phenomenon, especially among teenagers.
    [consider line breaks between your paragraphs]
    However,
    it cannot be denied[I would avoid the passive voice and say: "one cannot deny"] that it provides a lot of facilities[it facilitates (makes easier) many things]. I was a little skeptical towards it at first, but now I am aware of the positive effects it has proved to have on my life. The internet can be a source of useful information, which you[I would say "one", I was taught not to use "you" in an essay] can find and download by accessing an appropriate[appropriate seems to carry moral judgement, I would say "related"] website. For example you can study on line[online]and in this manner you can save a lot of energy and you don't need to borrow books from public libraries or you don't need to buy a lot of books. So[For these reasons] the internet is absolutely convenient.
    []
    It is partly[why partly?] true that the internet world contains a huge
    number[amount] of information[,] so sometimes when you are looking for a common knowledge you can[may] lose[waste] too much time to find[searching for] it. However, with this charming[in this [wonderful]] world you can keep in touch with everyone although[even if] he /or she lives across[in another part of] the world. I remember that last year, when I lived in Spain, I kept in touch with my boyfriend every single day thanks to this amazing invention["technology" perhaps]: the internet.
    []
    Unfortunately,
    somebody[some people] use the internet exces[s]ively, mostly children and teenagers, which can lead to [them] finding it harder and harder for them to adapt to[function in/adjust to][the] real world. [Overall,]This world[The world of the internet(?)] is a great one if used properly[]and with this[its] aid you can save too much[quite a lot of] time.




Similar Threads

  1. correct answer
    By stunned in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 15-Mar-2007, 04:42
  2. Are All IELTS Answers Correct?
    By artast in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 10-Aug-2005, 00:46
  3. the usage of the definite article "the"
    By critic72 in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 25-Apr-2005, 18:34
  4. Please help choose the correct article
    By Tomasz Klimkiewicz in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 17-Mar-2005, 10:10

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •