Dear teachers, could you kindly mark and give comments on this essay please? I'm practising writing essay for theIielts test and I would welcome any suggestions on improving it.
Topic: People increasingly spend their leisure time using computers, for example, surfing the internet or playing computer games. This has brought benefits but has also created new problems.
Since its appearance, computers have brought many changes to people’s life, especially their leisure activities. People have taken up new hobbies such as surfing the Internet or playing computer games. Some people believe this is a positive trend while others blame computers for several problems that have arisen recently.
No one can deny the benefits that computers offer people. Firstly, people find computers with Internet access a wonderful source of information which keeps them well-informed of events in the world. Simply by clicking on some websites like BBC.com or CNN.com, they can read news or in-depth analysis in every field ranging from politics to sports. Secondly, computers enable people to make friends and share information globally through forums, chat rooms or blogs. The final benefit is that children’s creativity and reactions are enormously improved thanks to computer games. Besides, computer games help to develop children’s problem solving skill because most games are task-based ones such as rescuing the princess or fighting against enemies.
On the other hand, computers have brought several problems to human. It is claimed that computers are partly responsible for the unhealthy lifestyles of many people. Some people are so addicted to computer games or chatting that they spend hours sitting in front of computer screens without eating or drinking. In addition, the lack of exercises and outdoors activities makes computer addicts look pale and exhausted. Furthermore, addiction to computer games distracts people from important things like studying or working.
In conclusion, computers have both advantages and disadvantages. Therefore, people should limit the time they play computer games or surf the net so that they will have more time to socialize with friends, play sports and lead a healthy lifestyle. (283 words)
Since its appearance, the computer has brought many changes to people’s lives, especially their leisure activities. People have taken up new hobbies such as surfing the Internet or playing computer games. Some people believe this is a positive trend while others blame computers for several problems that have arisen recently.