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    • Join Date: Oct 2007
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    #1

    Please!! Correct My Paragraph

    Home versus house

    While a house is often referred to as a home, the concept of a home is broader than a physical dwelling. A house is the most basic trait to provide a shelter, which is a place specially meant for protection. In the winter times, the heater will be there to warm the house and will not let us to get cold. The heat of the summer is not a problem for a good house. The ideal dwelling definitely must have a dependable central air conditioner. When the place is abundant with tornadoes and hurricanes, a house must be a safe place to stay. Besides a shelter from weather, a house also provides sanctuary from the storms of life. No matter what the problem is, a house can provide a place for relax and for comfort. Besides a physical dwelling from a house, a home is attached with emotion and love. Nothing can be replaced by a home, and cannot be destroyed or neither repaired. As Anna Quindlen points out in Homeless, “Some seem to want something that is not available in shelters, and they will not compromise, not for a coat, or oatmeal, or a shower with special soap that kills the bugs”(131). People are not searching for a physical need but its spiritual needs. A home cannot exist without a family. When happiness came to the person, a home is a place to share the emotion. Certainly if the person is confronting by the tragedy, a home also provide consulate the heart. The atmospheres of love created by the family are such a treasure. Home also creates individual’s identity, all learning from home, even before one’s start to go to school. A home is filling with emotions and become attach. Because of this attachment, losing a home is one of the greatest tragedies in life.


    • Join Date: Oct 2006
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    #2

    Re: Please!! Correct My Paragraph

    Welcome to the forums.

    Quote Originally Posted by 618097 View Post
    Home versus house

    While a house is often referred to as a home, the concept of a home is broader than a physical dwelling. A house is the most basic trait [wrong word - you need to find the right one! A trait is "a distinguishing feature of something or someone"] to provide a shelter, which is a place specially meant for protection. In the winter times [you do not need "times" with winter" - unless you are intending to use "wintertime"], the heater will be there to warm the house and will not let us to get cold. The heat of the summer is not a problem for a good house. The ideal dwelling definitely must have a dependable central air conditioner[[Very arguable in many regions of the world! Certainly not too much use in Siberia]. When the place [a country/a region] is abundant with tornadoes and hurricanes, a house must be a safe place to stay. Besides a [omit] shelter from weather, a house also provides sanctuary from the storms of life. No matter what the problem is, a house can provide a place for relax [to relax OR for relaxation] and for comfort. Besides a physical dwelling from a house, a home is attached with emotion and love [Needs rephrasing - the first part is illogical; the second part - a better verb than "attached" [joined to something] would be "filled"]. Nothing can be replaced by [replace] a home, and cannot be destroyed or neither repaired [what cannot be destroyed or repaired?]. As Anna Quindlen points out in Homeless, “Some seem to want something that is not available in shelters, and they will not compromise, not for a coat, or oatmeal, or a shower with special soap that kills the bugs”(131). People are not searching for a physical need but its [what does this refer to?] spiritual needs. A home cannot exist without a family. When happiness came [tense??] to the person, a home is a place to share the emotion. Certainly if the person is confronting [tense??] by the [omit] tragedy, a home also provide consulate[wrong word (this is a diplomatic building) - perhaps you meant to use "consolation for"] the heart. The atmospheres of love created by the family are such a treasure. Home also creates an individual’s identity, all learning from home, even before one’s start to go to school. A home is filling [tense??}with emotions and become attach [wrong word - find one that makes sense]. Because of this attachment, losing a home is one of the greatest tragedies in life.
    You need to break this into smaller paragraphs, each with a single point in it. It starts off with a good statement, but become unfocused. Try a revise.


    • Join Date: Jun 2010
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    #3

    Re: Please!! Correct My Paragraph

    Well, I have a similar question........ Thank's a lot for the information

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