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  1. #1
    kevin92 is offline Newbie
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    Default How to Throw Your Life Away

    Many people believe that to succeed in life, you must go to school, get a job, and work your butt off for the rest of your life, however I’m here to tell you that all of these people are completely wrong! In fact, if anybody ever says that to you, you should show them this essay instantly. Who are the people who really succeed in life you ask? The only people who really succeed in life are the ones who try their very best to screw up their lives. Making it nearly impossible to ever do something with your life, and reducing your brains functions to the equivalent of a potato. So, if you want to throw your life away, then you must fill your pool with jello, get shipped to Indonesia to sell camels, then start a grizzly bear wrestling federation, eliminating any chance of coming out of this without serious problems.




    First, to successfully throw your life away, you must empty your pool, and fill it with jello. To successfully make this transformation, you must first drain your pool. Soon after, you should start cooking, seeing as you’ll be needing a lot of jello! When you made enough jello, proceed to start filling the pool with jello. When you realize how much fun other people could be having swimming in your pool of jello, you should start letting people pay to swim. After a couple of drowning's, you will get shut down, and the people will sue you for everything you have. You’ll now have a pool of jello, and no money. You assume the logical thing would be to eat the rest of the jello. That will help you get a kick start in throwing your life away, because you will develop a disease from eating all that moldy jello. The Canadian government will agree to ship you to Indonesia so you won’t ever pass the disease on to anyone in Canada. Good work, you have now completed the first step on how to throw your life away, and are that much closer to being a total screw up.




    Second, to complete step two in throwing your life away, you must begin selling Camels in your new home of Indonesia. The first thing you need to do before you start selling camels is start speaking only in French, so you have almost zero chance of your business earning any profit. After you confuse all your customers speaking in French, show them the ridiculously high prices at which you’re selling your camels. Now in case these last two things didn’t jeopardize your chances of selling, you’ll have to run a contest where people pay $50 for a ticket, and the ticket that is drawn gets to have 5 camels free. When it comes time to draw the ticket, tell the big crowd that you’re not actually going to give anything away. When they realize they’ve been scammed, they’ll chase you to the edge of a forest. Good job, you’ve completed the second step, and you only have one more step to completely throw your life away.





    Third, the last step to throw your life away is live in the forest, and start a grizzly bear wrestling federation. Using all your money you earned scamming all of your customers you must go and buy all the meat you can. The bears will smell the meat and come to you. Find the leader bear, and give him some meat to keep him busy. While he’s eating the meat, you can have the other bears fight for the rest of the meat. Somewhere in there you’re going to need to eat, so when supper rolls around make sure you fight one of the bears for some meat. It’s only a matter of time before the meat you bought runs out, so when they finish it, you’ll be next. Way to go, you just completed the three steps to completely throw your life away.





    In conclusion, to completely throw your life away, you must fill your pool with jello, get shipped to Indonesia to sell camels, and then start a grizzly bear wrestling federation. You’ve come a long way, and traveled to the other side of the world. You finally succeeded in throwing your life away. Imagine what you can say to those people who thought you couldn’t do anything with your life.
    Last edited by kevin92; 12-Oct-2007 at 12:49.

  2. #2
    Amigos4's Avatar
    Amigos4 is offline VIP Member
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    Default Re: Please edit my essay, or give other advice on how to make it better

    Kevin92, you have way too much free time on your hands!

  3. #3
    Anglika is offline No Longer With Us
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    Default Re: Please edit my essay, or give other advice on how to make it better

    Could you repost it without the underlining?

  4. #4
    RonBee's Avatar
    RonBee is offline Moderator
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    Default Re: Please edit my essay, or give other advice on how to make it better

    Say drownings. (No apostrophe.)

    Why would anybody in Indonesia want to buy a camel?

    ~R

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