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  1. #1
    my_laurent is offline Newbie
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    Exclamation Need help for my personal statement

    Hi,

    I'm Cindy from Indonesia and I am to apply to the Dutch Studies program at Leiden. Below is my statement of purpose. I need help to check it. I'd appreciate if you can give your comments to this letter

    LETTER OF MOTIVATION

    Basically I donít have any formal education background in linguistic field. I took accounting degree and have been working in the field of accounting ever since. Yet, though limited, I grew up hearing and speaking several languages: English from my mother who took English major in the university; Dutch from my grandparents who speaks fluent Dutch; and Javanese naturally because I live in Java. As a child, I learned how to count and speak simple sentences in Dutch. I gained knowledge of my first English by watching television and reading comic books and when I went to a traditional market I liked using Javanese to be able to bargain more. Living in Indonesia with its many tribes and each tribe with its own vernaculars, I find it amusing to see how people react once they know you can speak even a little bit of their language. Iím also interested in seeing how language and culture are closely affects each other. That is why I typically look to work in an international environment. Even within accounting division, my tasks often require me to deal with people from different countries. My first employment was at EF where besides accounting experiences, I also learn a lot about communication from having to deal with teachers from many different countries such as USA, UK and Australia. My second employment again required me to deal with suppliers from China and Malaysia, and my present employment put me in high frequencies of written communication with staffs from India, Hong Kong, Denmark, Norway, Finland and Spain. All those experiences then enhance not only my social and communication skill but also attention into foreign languages. Though not directly related to my previous study, my past employments combined with my interest in language has encouraged me to take deeper study.

    After some years in accounting field I realized that even though I enjoyed being an accountant, I also have ability in communicating with people. I enjoy analyzing people, listening to their problems and then trying to help them find the best solutions available. I like discussion. I take pleasure in finding different ways to state my opinions to assure other peopleís acceptance of some circumstances or ideas. Those aptitude combined with deeper study in language will be a great personal asset. For that reason I would like to develop my skills in language and communication. In the future I was looking for careers in an international field that mainly could fulfill my thirst of challenge, whether in accounting, communication or linguistic capacity that somehow will enable me to contribute into the societyís benefit; such as in the non profit organization or governmental institution.

    While English is the first foreign language I speak fluently, my specific interest in Dutch language grew among others because Dutch has been a very familiar language for me, even before I started to learn English. The historical bound between Indonesia and the Netherlands put the Netherlands into one of the first foreign country I learnt about at school. My interest in the Dutch Studies program at Leiden University has much to do with the information I obtain regarding its interdisciplinary program and some good references I acquired from my Dutch course teachers and from families staying in the Netherlands. With its international orientation, complete curriculum and highly qualified lecturers, Iím ensured that this program is the best place to learn about the Netherlands, its language, history and culture.

    In the past few years I have gained knowledge and capability needed to undertake this study. My professional experiences have strengthened my self-managerial skill, and my personal maturity makes me reliable and responsible. My familiarity with international environment will help me to adapt socially. Iím fond of sports, reading, dancing and singing; which tells that Iím a casual person. But then again, I like challenges and Iím serious in relation to matters I decide to achieve. Iím well aware of the programís heavy load especially during the first year, and Iím prepared to comply with all the requirements this programís offering.
    ***

    Thanks before for checking this

    Regards,
    Cindy
    Last edited by my_laurent; 18-Oct-2007 at 19:02. Reason: fixing sentences

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
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    Re: Need help for my personal statement

    Hi Cindy,

    I read and checked your statement with interest. I thought it was very well written and painted a vivid and positive picture of you.

    I made some minor adjustments (see below). Of course, if you don't like them, feel free to ignore them.

    Hope this helps. Good luck.

    Paul Parry
    www.EnglishLanguageExpert.com - Tips and help to improve your English


    LETTER OF MOTIVATION

    I do not have any formal education in language. I took an accounting degree [when?] and have been working in this field ever since.


    However, I grew up hearing and speaking several languages: English, from my mother who took English at university; Dutch, from my grandparents who speak fluent Dutch (as a child, I learned how to count and speak simple sentences in Dutch); and Javanese, naturally because I live in Java.

    I first gained knowledge of English by watching television and reading comic books.

    When I went to a traditional market I liked using Javanese to be able to bargain more. Living in Indonesia with its many tribes and each tribe with its own vernaculars, I find it amusing to see how people react once they know you can speak even a little bit of their language.

    Iím also interested in seeing how language and culture closely affect each other. That is why I am looking to work in an international environment. Even within an accounting division, my tasks often require me to deal with people from different countries.

    My first employment was at EF [what is EF?] where, besides accounting experiences, I also learnt a lot about communication from having to deal with teachers from many different countries such as the US, UK and Australia.

    My second employment again required me to deal with international suppliers, this time from China and Malaysia. My present employment demands I frequently read communication from India, Hong Kong, Denmark, Norway, Finland and Spain.

    All those experiences then enhance not only my social and communication skills but also my attention to foreign languages. Though not directly related to my previous study, my previous roles Ė combined with my interest in language Ė encouraged me to take my studies further.

    After some years in accounting, however, I realised that even though I enjoy being an accountant, I also have the great ability to communicate with people. I enjoy analysing people, listening to their problems and then trying to help them find the best solutions.


    I like discussion. I take pleasure in finding different ways to state my opinions to assure other peopleís acceptance of some circumstances or ideas.

    This aptitude, combined with a deeper study in language, will be a great personal asset. For that reason, I would like to develop my skills in language and communication.

    In future, I intend to look for a career in an international field that could fulfil my desire for a challenge, whether in an accounting, communication or linguistic capacity that somehow will enable me to contribute to society, possibly in a non-profit organization or governmental institution.

    While English is the first foreign language I speak fluently, my specific interest in the Dutch language grew because Dutch has been a very familiar language for me, even before I started to learn English.


    The historical bond between Indonesia and the Netherlands meant the Netherlands was one of the first foreign countries I learnt about at school.

    My interest in the Dutch Studies program at Leiden University has much to do with the information I obtain regarding its interdisciplinary program and some good references I acquired from my Dutch course teachers and from families staying in the Netherlands.

    With its international orientation, complete curriculum and highly-qualified lecturers, I am assured that this program is the best place to learn about the Netherlands, its language, history and culture.

    In the past few years I have gained knowledge and the capability needed to undertake this study. My professional experiences have strengthened my self-discipline, and my maturity makes me reliable and responsible.


    My familiarity with the international environment will help me to adapt socially. Iím fond of sports, reading, dancing and singing; which illustrates that Iím a casual person. But then again, I like challenges and I take matters concerning personal achievement most seriously.



    I am well aware of the programís heavy workload, especially during the first year, and I am prepared to comply with all the requirements this program has to offer.

  3. #3
    my_laurent is offline Newbie
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    Re: Need help for my personal statement

    Hi Paul,

    Thanks a lot! You make the letter sounds smoother, perfect!

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
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    Re: Need help for my personal statement

    You're welcome, Cindy.

    Best wishes,

    Paul

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