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Thread: Proofreading

  1. #1
    Anonymous Guest

    Default Proofreading

    Can somebody be so kind to tell me the sentences mentioned below are correct and make sense? I'm looking for a new job as you might have guessed....

    "Although working in the industry and the field of education were both interesting, I particularly appreciated the dynamic of working in the industry."
    --> Where to put both? "Although BOTH working in the industry and field of education were ..."
    --> "dynamic" or "dynamics" ?


    "I am moreover determined to take my career one step up and am therefore looking for a challenging position with more profundity.
    Thank you for having taken the time to meet me."

    --> Is "profundity" correct?
    --> Does this last sentence make sense?

    Thanks for your help!! :D

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
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    Default

    Although working in the industry and the field of education were both interesting, I particularly appreciated the dynamism of the industry.

    Moreover, I am determined to further my career and am therefore looking for a challenging position.
    Thank you for taking the time to meet me
    ---
    What did you mean exactly by 'morevoer'? I suspect you wanted to say "I am all the more determined..."
    This is not clear either what you meant by "profundity". The word does exist, but I don't think you can use it to qualify a position. Do you mean more responsibility, more follow-up etc.?

    FRC[/quote]

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